'Gayjin' find it tough going in Tohoku

By Jahrine Myles

I come from Cardiff, a city in Wales, with a very lively and popular gay scene. It isn’t a large city, but there are numerous bars and clubs that have the rainbow flag flying above the door, and there’s a gay and lesbian Mardi Gras each year which is attended by thousands of people; both gay and straight.

Three of my closest friends are gay, so whenever I’m home, the gay clubs and bars are usually where we go for a night out. I would say on a typical night out at a gay club, there is a 70/30 split, 70% being gay and 30% straight, and although I remember one incident where I was made to feel unwelcome by a fat lesbian with a lightning bolt shaved into the side of her head, said bars and clubs normally have no problem with straight people being there.

So it came as a bit of a shock, even though I knew Japan to be a very conservative country, to discover that there were no such bars or clubs in Sendai, the largest city in the Tohoku region. I understand why the gay bars frequented by friends of mine here in Sendai have a strict “no straights” policy; why make it any harder than it already is for gay men (and I mention only gay men because, as far as I know, there aren’t any “official” bars for gay women in the city) to meet one another? But then I wonder, how do gay men who come to live in Japan, and especially the Tohoku region, find living in a society where being gay seems to be something you should consider keeping a secret? And what are the general differences?

I spoke to Alex, a friend of mine who lives near Sendai and often visits the gay bars there. He is from a town right next to the city I’m from in the UK, so he is used to a more open and accepting attitude. When I asked him what general differences between the UK and Japan he has experienced so far, the first thing he mentioned was the use of, what we in the West perceive to be quite offensive terms like “homo,” and mentioned how “They (the Japanese) would have no problem calling someone a homo because as far as Japan is concerned that’s what a gay person is, even though in the West, people might find the term to be more hostile.”

He found this hard to get used to, but soon realized that there are aspects to the general attitude toward gay men in Japan that are better than at home. “On the plus side, Japanese people don’t see certain jobs or actions as being ‘gay.’ Some of my students tell me how much they love boy bands, or how they want to be a hairdresser after school and no one makes a joke or assumes anything about the kid. It’s quite refreshing in comparison to back home. One of my students was telling me the other week about his dad having gay friends; I couldn’t see a boy of 16 in Wales doing the same thing without someone making jokes about the father or the kid. It just doesn’t occur to them to make fun about it.”

Having previously worked at two senior high schools myself, I too have witnessed this seemingly more accepting nature. A lot of my male students would be very touchy-feely with one another and nobody ever harassed them for it, as would most definitely have been the case if it were a high school in the UK. So why then, is there such a secretive attitude? Is it because Japan is a few steps behind the West in noticing homosexuality as a perfectly acceptable way of life and not a problem, something that can be “solved?”

A bisexual Japanese friend of mine once worked in a mental hospital so has experienced such attitudes firsthand. “Japan is a very conservative country. Lots of people think same sex relationships are ‘abnormal,’” he said. “Besides, I used to work for a mental hospital as an office worker, and I noticed being gay or lesbian was (seen as) a serious mental disorder. Some people were sent to the hospital by their actual parents only because they were gay. That was so horrible.”

This disturbing insight gives a clearer picture as to the reasoning behind gay Japanese men not wanting to come out. My friend Patrick lives in a small town in Iwate Prefecture, also in the Tohoku region. He knows a man who is living “in the closet” due to the death of his parents. “About 5 months ago, I met a 40-year-old Japanese guy living in a neighboring small town. He found me on one of the dating sites and we met up for coffee. He’s been gay since he can remember, but was only out of the closet when he was living and working in Sendai for 10 years. He also spent some time living in California to study English. His normal gay lifestyle was halted by the death of his parents, after which he moved back to live in his childhood home as is the custom for the oldest child in Japan.

“Since then, he has reverted back to living a closeted lifestyle. He doesn’t feel like there’s any way out of his situation. He’s bound by the traditions of Japanese culture and genuinely feels like the only way to cope is to be in the closet and maybe marry a woman in a ‘friendship marriage.’ So yeah, I do think that things are way way behind in Japan, especially out here in the country, but I can see limited progress in the bigger cities.”

So, it seems that the strong sense of tradition ingrained within most Japanese, plays a huge part in the somewhat out of date general attitude toward gay men and women. I know that there is progression in the more accepting and open-minded cities of Tokyo, Osaka etc, with Tokyo even putting on an annual Tokyo Gay Pride event. But I think such progression will travel north to the Tohoku region at a snail’s pace; these things don’t happen overnight.

It’ll be interesting to see if there has been a significant change in say, 5 or so years. I’ll be sticking around, so I’ll hopefully see a difference. Maybe before my time here is through, I’ll be accosted in a gay bar in Sendai on a Saturday night, by a Japanese lesbian with a lightning bolt shaved into the side of her head. I hope she’s not as fat as the other one was; then maybe I’ll have a fighting chance.

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Latest 15 of 52 Total Comments Show All

Pukey2 at 12:38 AM JST - 6th August

bobbiewickham:

For some reason if my son came up to me and told me he was gay I would have a problem. Am I alone in this?

Yes, you would have a problem. But it'll be YOUR problem, not your son's. And be careful how you treat your children. They'll treat you the same way when you're old and an invalid.

Unfortunately, you're not alone.
proxy at 01:34 AM JST - 6th August

sicklittlemonkey Listen bub, your argument that just because animals do it holds no water. Infanticide occurs is far more species than homosexuality but if a human does it, it is a crime.

And let me state this firmly for you, I strongly believe that homosexuality is NOT a crime and is quite normal, I am just pointing out the absurd weakness in your argument. The argument that "insert conduct here" is normal because it occurs in animals does not hold up, will never hold up and would be laughed out of every court in the world.
Airion at 06:51 AM JST - 6th August

@sicklittlemonkey

I'm not denying it exists in other animals, I just feel that fact is irrelevant. Partly for the reasons that proxy stated, but more than basic rights and freedom from discrimination don't need scientific justification.

Moderator: Readers, back on topic please. References to animals are not relevant.
BobbieWickham at 12:23 PM JST - 6th August

Pukey2 The fact that he's going to spend a part of his life looking for partners in outside tiolets is HIS problem. The fact that 90% of people believe what he is doing is unnatural is a problem. I know that's not what statistics show but statistics are made up by trendy intellectuals bent on being PC.
warnsworth at 11:28 PM JST - 6th August

BobbieWickham, you really have no idea about anything, do you? Do you really think that gay men meet each other outside toilets? How many gay men do you actually know? Why is it a problem that people think it's unnatural, SO WHAT? I think it's unnatural for a person to be so hateful and stupid, but that isn't going to change either.
Stereofreak at 04:47 AM JST - 7th August

Two consenting adults, whether male or female, engaging in a romantic relationship is hardly a problem. Who you sleep with has no relevance whatsoever in your moral fiber.

As for the post that says gay men meet only outside public toilets...well, I think the poster's ignorance and hatefulness speak for themselves and no one should take him seriously.

Moderator: Do not be impolite to other posters.
BobbieWickham at 09:58 AM JST - 8th August

Oh dear, oh dear, the truth hurts doesn't it? Otherwise why so angry? Maybe George Michael has coloured my vision somewhat but gays have to face up to the fact that there's isn't the only agenda in town. There are lots of sexual preferences. Some do more harm than others.
Molenir at 03:52 AM JST - 10th August

Is it because Japan is a few steps behind the West in noticing homosexuality as a perfectly acceptable way of life and not a problem, something that can be “solved?”

I laughed when I read this line. The author is of a different opinion of the vast majority of people, in that he feels it is a "perfectly acceptable" lifestyle, and somehow unlike other predispositions such as alcoholism etc, can't be "solved"
Jizzeez at 05:25 PM JST - 10th August

Well, I guess it's a touchy subject, but my take has always been that it's hard enough to find happiness in this world, without putting limitations on things....
telecasterplayer at 07:31 AM JST - 11th August

I met an elderly, very-obviously openly Gay Japanese guy on the Airport train to Nagoya a few years ago. He wasn't making a spectacle of himself, nor was he hiding anything. No one seemed to give a darn. The other passengers weren't shooing their kids away or anything. Osaka supposedly has a bunch of gay bars north of Umeda. Maybe Tohoku is a lot different from the rest of the country.
JenniferKim at 10:05 AM JST - 11th August

I understand why the gay bars frequented by friends of mine here in Sendai have a strict “no straights” policy

So much for gays being the self-proclaimed "champions of tolerance."
JenniferKim at 10:07 AM JST - 11th August

I hope she’s not as fat as the other one was; then maybe I’ll have a fighting chance.

Is it just me? Or is the author who champions "acceptance" and "open-mindedness" displaying an intolerant attitude toward "fat" people?

I just love how pro-gay people demand tolerance from others, while refusing to extend it to others.
JenniferKim at 10:09 AM JST - 11th August

If you don't like Japan's attitude toward homosexuality, you can always go home. It's an exercise in cultural arrogance to try to remake Japan into a Western image ... even when it comes to something "politically correct" like homosexuality.
Orchid64 at 07:08 PM JST - 12th August

I think the problem isn't entirely rooted in conservative or "outdated" notions of sexuality. In Japanese culture, role fulfillment is emphasized heavily on many levels. From the oldest son caring for elderly parents to the office lady who has to serve tea to the husband who has to be a good earner and work hard for his family, there are a lot of roles that people are slotted into. While some flexibility and wiggle room is starting to loosen up attitudes toward "proper" roles, one issue with being gay is that that status has no set role in current Japanese society. In essence, there is no place for gay individuals or couples in the current cultural mindset.

If a married man gets a promotion and a raise and one who in turn has children gets more money, where does the gay man who has no family to support, cannot enter a partner in the social registry, and cannot claim his partner as a dependent fit? Japanese people simply don't know where you fit into the order of things so they'd rather you lied and pretended you fit into the preexisting order. They don't care what you do in your private life, but they don't want to have to deal with the complications of handling you otherwise.
knews at 12:34 AM JST - 14th August

The Japanese are generally more closed than Westerners about all personal relationships whether heterosexual or homosexual. Gay relationships occurred amongst samurai a lot more than one might think. Sumo wrestlers too. Anyway, I agree that the writer does seem somewhat ignorant. That Tohoku doesn't have a large gay bar scene isn't really surprising. It's probably mostly due to the fact that such bars wouldn't have a large enough clientele to make enough profit. Comparing Tohoku to Kansai or Kanto is ridiculous when you look at the population difference.