Let’s talk about you-know-what

By Mami Fraser

I have a friend who always talks about cabaret clubs (“kyabakura”) and the sex industry (“fuzoku”). He’ll regale me with stories about how he found a cute girl at this club, how he had a terrible experience at that “soapland,” and so on. I thought at first that this was just his thing, but when I asked around my male friends, I was surprised by how many of them were really into this stuff. Even the people you’d swear never went to sex shops turned out to really like them.

You don’t have to look hard to find examples of the sex industry in Japan. Every convenience store has a generous stock of pornography, often right next to the rack of children’s comics. Cabaret clubs are a huge industry, and there are countless kinds of bars that provide so-called “false romance” to paying customers. You can even have girls clean your ears for you.

You might think Japanese people’s openness about sexuality is limited to their private lives, but in fact it can be seen in the workplace as well. Many of my female friends have been harassed by their male coworkers, mostly at drinking parties. One told me her boss had asked her if she likes rough sex or soft sex. Another had to choose who she would sleep with in her team if she had to. Going to cabaret clubs and sex shops with male co-workers is also an established part of Japanese corporate culture, promoting bonding through the sharing of secrets — though, needless to say, women aren’t privy to the experience.

It may seem like Japanese people are simply more open about sexuality than their Western counterparts, but it’s actually a lot more complicated than that. In 2005, the Sankei Shimbun reported that Japanese sex education was too visual and “realistic,” and that it would promote early sexual activity. The education ministry, meanwhile, has received numerous complaints from conservative parents about the use of graphic material such as condoms in classes. However, it’s rare for parents to give their children a proper sex education at home because it’s “embarrassing” to talk about the subject with their kids.

When I tell Japanese people that I study sexuality, they usually gasp and stop asking further questions. It’s clear that many of them see sex as a taboo topic.

What is going on here? Sometimes people behave as if sex is unspeakably embarrassing, yet at other times they are totally open about it. Moreover, why is there such a huge sexual disparity between men and women?

When we look back through Japanese history, it’s clear that things haven’t always been this way. During the Edo period, men and women alike would look at “shunga,” a form of sexually explicit images that depict heterosexual and homosexual relationships, but also sex with animals and even vegetables. Shunga images were an integral part of people’s lives, bought not only for fun, but also for educational purposes. Meanwhile, homosexual romances were frequently depicted in kabuki plays, which proved popular with all ages and sexes.

However, this openness gradually changed after the Meiji Restoration of 1868, as Japanese society grew increasingly Westernized and its system of morality, both sexual and otherwise, fell under the influence of Christianity. Of course, national traits that have been cultivated over centuries don’t change instantly. Instead, Japanese people came to a compromise, where on the surface they would see sex-related topics or activities as an embarrassing taboo, but inside they would enjoy them. The similarity with the well-known concepts of “honne” and “tatemae” — one’s real feelings and public front — is unmistakable.

This explains why sex shops don’t get exposed, even though prostitution is illegal. While many of these shops are essentially selling sex, it’s tacitly permitted because they claim that they are just massaging customers. On the surface, it’s platonic; inside, however, it’s anything but.

Another key point in understanding Japanese sexual morality is the patriarchy system. This can be traced back to 1898, when the household system law was enacted, putting in place a scheme that would last until 1947. This system was modeled on the hierarchies that had existed in samurai families, and reinforced male domination in Japanese families and society. Under the law, women were seen as men’s possessions and basically had no authority whatsoever, including over marriage, divorce and reproduction. The system provided a new source of sexual inequality between women and men.

If I were to say straight out that Japan’s sex culture should change, people would probably just dismiss me as an uppity feminist, or reply that this is all an inherent part of our culture. But look at the facts. We are the only developed country in the world where the number of new HIV cases is increasing each year. We have a worrying amount of abortions caused by unwanted pregnancies. And the inequality between men and women is still painfully apparent, due to entrenched standards of sexuality.

It’s fair to say that change is long overdue. But we need to start talking first.

The writer is a British-Japanese activist currently residing in Nagoya.

This commentary originally appeared in Metropolis magazine (www.metropolis.co.jp)

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Latest 15 of 58 Total Comments Show All

flatearther at 12:22 AM JST - 16th October

Reading through the article, it seems like the author is advocating for more and better sex education in Japan (if there is any at all) which can only be a good thing. Most Japanese people seem to be disturbingly uneducated on things such as safe sex, yet know exactly where they can go for porn and fuzoku. I'm not saying things are better in other countries, but they are different. Most American men don't really visit prostitutes and if they do, they use condoms. Here, it's just not the same. I'm not going to judge, but I do think they should at least be protecting themselves and their families/future families.
Sex and business should never mix, that can only lead to trouble. That kind of behavior is something that will have to change if Japan wants to pull itself out of the financial slump. There's a big pool of female labor talent going to waste right now because women here just get sick of putting up with the harassment, meet a nice guy and get married. I think the author was trying to connect all these points to the conclusion that Japan needs to start teaching sex education and gender equality at an earlier age. You can usually get a pretty good idea of a society's values by how it treats it's least respected residents (usually women). I know I've learned a lot about Japan that way.
usaexpat at 12:48 AM JST - 16th October

Blah, Blah, Blah Japan isn't as repressed as the US in sexual attitudes, thank god. Whatever a couple allows in their relationship is their business. Personally my wife could care less if I go to a hostess club with a client, it's not really my thing. A soapland visit would not cut it by any means however. Sexual harassment on the other hand is never ok and in this respect Japan has a ways to go.
Tommygun at 03:24 AM JST - 16th October

Wait a minute.... those massage joints were actually sex joints? And here I thought it was just the way they massaged in Japan.

Japan flashes sex signs and scantily dressed women all over it's cities but nobody wants to talk about it. Hard to believe a non religious people could act so christian towards sex talk.
Azrael at 04:03 AM JST - 16th October

Japan is in the Victorian age in more than one aspect. Sexuality here in Japan is eerily alike to sexual attitudes in England's Victorian period (wow the 1800s). There is a sexually strict and repressed front, and a libertine and depraved backstage, coexisting in apparent harmony. However as history has proven, once women are treated as equal in social value (or close enough) to men in both law and society, things change. Sexuality comes front, it becomes healthier (sexual education does help) and people have a more real power of choice (yet as ever, murky by ignorance). For professional women, Japan is a time warp the moment she gets off the plane. I agree with Dolphingirl (08:00 PM JST - 15th October), but I add the following:

Saying that women sell sex by choice is a typical knee-jerk reaction from men in patriarchal structures where women are seen as inferior creatures and do not have the same rights as males. Women here in Japan have an expiration date set at 25 years old (Christmas Cake). Women are expected to quit jobs when they marry (even professional women are socially pressured to quit) and give birth within the first two years of marriage. Women have a -waiting period- before they can have a child from her second husband or else, the child will be under the authority of the ex-husband. The list goes on and on. Then you have Japanese males as promoters and users of the sex industry here, to the point that they don't even feel guilty at buying sex and don't seem to mind their spouse knowing. Women here are taught that intelligence in a woman is shameful and squealing kawaiiii is preferable than giving an opinion of her own. Intelligent women are called kowai (scary), something young girls dread to ever be called. Children are sexualized and women must remain childlike to be attractive. Blacklabel's self-inflicted blindness perplexes me. Yes, women have equal value to men. Yes, women are different, but difference does not mean inferiority. Yes, women have a vagina but that does not mean women are meant to be for sale. Selling sex does not empower anyone. As in any market system, the power is on the buyer's side. Demand defines the market - remember that.
bdiego at 06:17 AM JST - 16th October

Great article, but there are a few basic errors and bad assumptions or generalizations made for the sake of titillation. While Japan is homogenous in many ways, it is far less homogenous than this article makes it out to be. It also makes several absurd conclusions about the rise of Japan's HIV rate, ignoring the fact that it is hundreds or thousands of times lower than many "developed countries". But nice try.
bdiego at 06:20 AM JST - 16th October

They still have homosexuality in Kabuki, in addition to new forms of theater today. People still look at shunga, though not universally as this article flippantly implies. By this logic, every Greek and Roman in classical times was a pedophile because some were. But the issue of harassment and sexual attitudes in Japan is a very important topic to bring up and explore in future articles.
kokorocloud at 06:52 AM JST - 16th October

Blacklabel-- Oh I'm not saying men don't get held back. They do. It's the reasons why. Typically a man won't be denied a promotion simply because he's a man. Others have shown examples here where women lose out simply because they're pregnant or some times not even that much-- simply because of their gender. And who give women that option to supposedly use sex as a means to get past potential roadblocks? You're right, it is akin to the chicken and the egg concept. But most women do not go into a job thinking "Well if I don't get higher because of my brains, I'll just use my body". Do all men during the hiring process think, "Well I'm not sure if this woman can do the job... but if she agrees to have sex, that might be different"? That's an unfair assumption, just like it's unfair to assume that all women supposedly even have that option, and it's 100% their decision. That's just not true. Yeah, they can say no. But the point is that the option should not exist in the first place. In the places where it does happen, who is giving the women the option?
Blacklabel at 08:10 AM JST - 16th October

Azrael: So, all these women working in sex joints, hostess bars, as strippers, making adult movies, etc didnt make a CHOICE to do that as a better way to make money compared to working a real job? At a minimum, McDonalds and 7-11 are always hiring, they cant work there instead? Even if those are the only places they are qualified to work, that is more than likely just the result of a choice to not focus on education/hard work and looking for an easier way instead. So the end result of life is that each choice that is made either increases or limits future options that are available to you.

If something is for sale, yes- demand defines the market. But if something is simply not for sale that is the end of that. Playboy magazine could not exist if no women were willing to take off their clothers for money. If society as a whole thinks something is "bad" (drugs, porn, whatever) you dont make it available for purchase and then criticize the people who buy it. You make it unavailable to people and then problem solved. Sometimes you have to save people from themselves by not giving them options to do undesirable things.
Blacklabel at 08:32 AM JST - 16th October

Kokorocloud: Yes you are right with the unfair assumptions and the hiring process comments, I totally agree with you. Yes, men who are weak minded and who cant get any women without the power of being the "boss" ARE the ones who allow women who are so inclined the option to inject sexual favors/sexuality into the workplace. Sexual harassment laws have thankfully been enacted to prevent that from happening unilaterally but still doesnt cover when the woman chooses to let it happen to advance her status and/or career.

But even the concept of sexual harassment is a land mine issue. Some women use it to deflect unwanted attention from undesirables but when the attention is from a desirable person then the same actions/comments are ok? So its basically a leap of faith, if you want to hook up in the workplace (like a lot of people do) you had better be really sure that the other person likes you (or my choice: just dont do it at all). Cause if they dont like you as much as you hope, you are going to get smacked with sexual harassment. Think about people who get married from the office. If she didnt like him when he asked what he asked in the beginning it would have been sexual harassment, but because she did his action/comments led to a relationship/marriage. Thats a big gamble, but also another topic for another day :-)
Investigator at 08:40 AM JST - 16th October

There is being holistic and then there is being "all over the place". It might be just because its too brief, but I find this piece to be in the category of "all over the place." I think I would like to sit down and talk with the writer, but I have so many issues with the "weak" connections made between so many things, from history to today and from work time to private time, that this is actually very frustrating to read.

The writer might have good reasons for connecting these things, but they sure are not presented well here. Blacklabel on the other hand...the writer could learn a lot from Blacklabel.
kokorocloud at 08:47 AM JST - 16th October

Sometimes you have to save people from themselves by not giving them options to do undesirable things.

Which is exactly my point. I wish it really were as easy to tell women and girls "okay you don't have to do that to get by, you can make something of yourself", but when it's so engrained in culture and some women ARE forced into it, how is it possible? Society makes women into inherently sexual beings-- this was around long before sex shops and adult films. As long as there are corrupt people, men and women, you can't make that call or say it's easier for one group over the other. I apologize if I started to come off blaming men soley for it, because that is definitely not the case. And I agree, women shouldn't be so willing to strip and work in these places, but you can criticize the people who buy, as they are perpetuating it. If certain men didn't buy it and/or make lucrative businesses out of it, women would not make money off of it, would they? Haha, like I said before, vicious cycle.
Blacklabel at 09:34 AM JST - 16th October

investigator: why thank you, just trying to promote conversation here and learn why others think the way they do. Yeah I would have liked the writer to have connected the dots a little better on what she was really trying to say. As far as the questions at the drinking party, I am sure for everytime someone is offended by those type of questions, someone else is hooking up by asking the same thing. Its too arbitrary for my taste, so I just dont attend those type of things if I cant trust the women who are going to be there to not turn an "off work" event into a "working time" issue.

Kokorocloud: game, set and match. You are exactly right. Im still not too keen on the word "forced" to do it, but I will compromise and say that it could be considered forced if decisions that were made or things that happened to them in life prior to that kind of led to it being the most likely result, thats close enough for me.

Now, we just have to go back like 1000-2000 years and see whose idea it was first. Did an enterprising woman say "hey I bet if I take off my clothes, men will pay for it?" or did some enterprising guy say "hmm, I bet if I ask her to take off her clothes she will probably say no. But if I offer her some money (or a cow or goat or whatever it was at that time) will she now do it? Then will other guys pay ME more to see it then I had to pay her to do it?" Hmmm...Lets get the time machine ready and take a trip back to the past :-)
kokorocloud at 10:31 AM JST - 16th October

Hahaha, it would be interesting to find out, wouldn't it. I wouldn't be surprised if it happened both ways.

I feel as though the writer of the article as trying to come to some sort of conclusion in the same ballpark as we've all been discussing, but... it's hard to tell.
Azrael at 05:17 PM JST - 16th October

Blacklabel at 08:10 AM JST - 16th October: Azrael: So, all these women working in sex joints, hostess bars, as strippers, making adult movies, etc didnt make a CHOICE to do that as a better way to make money compared to working a real job?

Blacklabel: I am glad you understood right away. Perhaps you are acquainted with the term Glass Ceiling. As Kokorocloud explained, the whole system starts with the sexualization of women, which to an extent is inevitable considering mankind must reproduce in order to survive. In this context, Japan has created a social hierarchy in which women are subservient to men and they are effectively denied progress and security in work careers. Sexual harassment is seen as -playful- attitudes at work, women are not considered capable of being full-fledged professionals and are quickly removed from the workforce when they marry. Sex workers have, as you yourself stated, basically few options. So according to you, all Japanese women in low-brow works should be working at MacDonald's but how many MacDonald's may Japan have? Regardless of the name of fast food joints and others (underpaid, part-time, no-progress workplaces) you may check out the statistics for female employment in Japan and reconsider how much choice is available.

There is the cultural factor, too. Children in Japan are heavily sexualized to the point that women must remain childish to be sexually attractive to Japanese men. Women on TV and magazines always have a simpering, clueless expression (read kawaii). Both men and women patronize this, by socially ostracizing Japanese women with intelligence and opinions foundered on reason and assertiveness is considered an awful trait in a Japanese woman. So what must a Japanese woman do to survive in this society? Check out the statistics of what highschool girls choose as future careers when polled at school. Technical careers are barely there because intelligence in a female is bad (in Japan). Then there are men of your same opinion (a vast majority of Japanese men, it seems) that consider women are meant to be sexual workers by nature and at the same time scorn them and gloat. The saddest part is, this Japanese chauvinistic attitudes by both male and female Japanese is projected out of Japan. Then foreign men look at Japanese women the -same way Japanese males do-, not the way they would picture a female compatriot.

When I read discussions like this, a profound sense of pity arises in me. I wish things were different in Japan. I wish human rights had a deeper reach into the Japanese collective conscience. I know a handful of dignified Japanese women, professionals, most of them have worked abroad, some married foreigners. They have a whole different spirit. I wish more Japanese women had the courage to be like them, but that is being unfair. In their own context, it's hard to miss that they do not know.
Blacklabel at 11:18 PM JST - 16th October

Azrael: You got from what I was saying that I think "women are meant to be sexual workers by nature" and that I and others scorn them and gloat? Total opposite, I am the one advocating that women should actually STOP taking the easy way out, try to get an education and work hard at a real job. That includes fast food or manual labor if that is all they can do because they ignored their opportunity at education/learning a skill. Anything is better in my opinion than them just giving up and and making money laying on their back or suckering men. If you dont study, dont make any effort, make excuses and give up the first chance you get, then you end up in a crap job, that goes for men or women.

To be held back by the Glass Ceiling, you gotta get to it first and most people give up well before it even would affect them. If you accept people's image of your gender or race or if you know and fall in line with the stereotype then of course you arent going to get anywhere except where people expected you to. To be treated equally, you should have to work equally as hard, be equally as skillful and equally as educated as the person you are competing with.

Your last two paragraphs, excellent comments and I agree with you 100%, that is some good discussion and great that you have that kind of caring and empathy for those in those situations. So do I, I just dont feel sorry for those who would rather sell sex or take another easy way out to make money instead of studying and then working hard like most everybody else does.