The rules of hostessing

Tuesday 03rd November, 05:13 AM JST

By Roxy

As a hostess (and the only foreigner) at one very highly respected club in Kitashinchi, Osaka’s hostess club hot spot in Umeda, I am fortunate to meet a lot of interesting people in my work. Some are nice and some are not but I have come to look at what I do as a chance to have a peek into a highly important part of Japanese culture: what the Japanese refer to as “entertainment.”

Now, a lot of people get the wrong idea about hostesses and I’m here to set those people straight. First of all, hostesses do not sleep with their customers. That is what the soaplands are for, where a man can expect to pay anywhere from 30,000 yen to 50,000 yen for sex.

The hostess club is there so businessmen can entertain their employees or clients in a situation where they don’t have to do all the talking, and where they are surrounded by pretty women who will light their cigarettes and refill their drinks. In an age where women everywhere are getting stronger and running the show, the hostess club is a place where a man can still feel like a man (without sex, of course). And while I’m not saying this is necessarily a good thing or a bad thing, it’s true and this fact of Japanese culture is not coming to an end anytime soon.

Many people wonder why women do this job. Well, the truth is that some really like it, especially those who like to talk and drink alcohol. In order to be good at the job however, you have to be good at bullshitting. Even the most intelligent and serious of hostesses have to bullshit, in order to make the customer feel good. I’m not sure in psychological terms, if this is doing the customer harm or good, but it’s an important skill needed for the job.

Probably the most common reason that a woman chooses to hostess is, of course, the money. In Japanese clubs, these women can make from 3,000 to 5,000 yen per hour on average. Sometimes more, sometimes less, depending on the club and how good that hostess is at her job. I’ve even heard of one hostess who had a lot of customers, who was making 10,000 yen per hour. In Japan, where a glass ceiling still exists for women in the workplace, an average working woman with a day job is an office worker or secretary who has to buy her boss chocolates on Valentine’s Day and make the staff tea. The average salary is about 1,000 yen per hour for these positions and so it is no wonder that for single or even married women, hostessing is more lucrative.

I mentioned before that hostesses do not sleep with their clients. Some hostesses may develop relationships with their clients outside of the club but this is something that might develop over a long period of time, the same as any other couple. Some of the customers may even choose to act as a “sponsor” and pay the girl’s apartment rent or give them a monthly allowance from 200,000 yen and up. These are pretty rare cases but they do happen.

All mama-sans running the clubs strongly encourage “dohan,” in which you meet the customer (called a “guest” in club lingo) for dinner and accompany them to the club after dinner. Dohans usually cost the customer 20,000 yen to 30,000 yen but this includes two hours at the club. For loyal and repeat customers, the mama-san usually doesn’t watch the time strictly and the guest knows the rules of the club, so the mama-san doesn’t have to ask him to leave. However, for new customers who don’t ever seem to want to leave, the mama-san will drop the bill off and give him a look, indirectly asking him to leave.

So, I hope this has shed a little more light on the hostessing industry and if you do end up going to a hostess club, make sure you go to the ATM first.

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Latest 15 of 50 Total Comments Show All

hakujinsensei at 08:53 AM JST - 4th November

hostesses are good.

whores are better.

all these posts slamming people seeking to satisfy their basic needs should gets some counseling and get in touch with their basal selves.

being a hostess limits your progression in companies and relationships that are governed by the need to exist in a contrived world and suffering the exclusion of such is by no means a loss. being that everyone knows the rules, those that want to be included are free to choose other professions.

hostesses destroying societal values and undermining the family? what fantasy world are these people living in? my sex drive, as many mens are, is substantially higher than my wife's, so I am to gaman so I can be a better person? more hogwash. those that have higher needs for physical outlets should just be adult n go out n meet those needs then come home and take care of business. its called entertainment for a reason. and the ladies that for whatever various list of reasons for not wanting to meet their male partners physical needs should grow up and learn the difference between a marriage and being a slave holder.

and yes, some guys just need to talk, complain about their bosses/wives/ blow off steam, entertain guests etc. lots of clubs for different occasions. different strokes for different folks. its not only ok, it is a natural and healthy rung in the social order. and for the girls that are not cut out for it? they are free to enjoy the multitude of other employment opportunities out there. I dated a couple of really nice girls that worked as hostesses. of course there are skanks as well, just like any work place.

propagating glass ceilings? dolphingirl, you need to come up for air. nobody is stopping women from starting their own companies and making sure glass ceilings don't exist in their company. the only reason that glass ceilings exist is that the girls have not gotten out there and constructively expressed their equality. if girls want to be equal, they should just knock off their heels n get equal.

girls you go, men need you, whether the women want to admit it or not they need you, society needs you. we as a society to should start being grateful for those willing to travel the road less accepted in order to maintain the social order and mental well being of the simpler half of humanity.
womanforwomen at 11:07 AM JST - 4th November

hakujinsensei, anything in excess is not good. Stop being selfish and let others also live a decent life. There is therapy, treatment etc for your problem. Have a heart to heart talk with your hostess friends and you will know how much they hate what they are doing.

Dolphin girl, hostessing is not that much of an easy job. I think it requires tremendous effort to maintain that kind of lifestyle and to live a life of lies.
tkoind2 at 11:12 AM JST - 4th November

The industry is bad for both. Hostesses I have met have has some very consitent problems. 1. Dislike or anger towards men making it hard for them to find or keep healthy personal relationships with non-client men. 2. Unreasonable expectations: expecting an average salaryman boyfriend to treat them like their rich customer do. 3. Mistrust: expecting if their boyfriend is late, he must be at a hostess bar or something similar.

This industry ruins women making them into objects and characters for an artificial setting. It then makes it hard for them to have real and normal lives. And often, when women are no longer young or engaging enough to be a hostess, they have a hard time settling into any other kind of life.

I have met quite a few hostesses and exhostesses since coming to Japan, and not one has been mentally ok after that career.

Second. For the clients it is a sad social symptom of deeper problems in marriage and relationships for Japanese. That men must go out to these places to feel like men or to have someone listen to them is sad. Japan should be addressing this problem with psychological services and family councelling to help protect the fabric of Japanese families. Instead I have met a lot of salarymen who spend too much money and time paying some girl to listen to them instead of trying to sort things with the wife or girlfriend.

You can rationalize this industry all you want. But it is just one more way in which women are objectified and the glass ceiling is reinforced. Women are not year "in charge" of much in Japan. And never will be as long as a slit skirt, big hair and kawaii are held up as examples of womanhood instead of intelligence, compassion and values helpful to building healthy relationships based on equality and mutual respect.
dano2002 at 12:36 PM JST - 4th November

My wife used to be a hostess when she was younger. She made tons of cash. Her other options, as only a high school graduate where nearly zilch. Now, the foreign housewifes on this site all probably went to college but how about the strippers in the US. I went to a Dallas strip club at about 11 PM on a Wednesday night and it was packed. This was so depressing. I would rather get a prostitute rather than spending wasted cash in strip clubs. Hostess bars are OK depending on the pay scale. I think there is no difference between these women and strippers who sit next to you begging for a table dance.
chewbakayaro at 12:50 PM JST - 4th November

Hostessing is just a step above prostitution. The fact these men would pay for getting their ego stroked is something that still strikes me as bizarre, until I think that a lot of wallet-chasers in the States do the same thing when dating celebs or bankers, but less bluntly. And don't get me started on the eikaiwa and private "English teachers"...How much bull-crap do they have to dish out to keep the students interested and paying 4000 yen/hour.

And the whole thing about hostesses not sleeping with their customers...puhleeeeze! If these girls are in it for the money, then there are certainly a few more things they are willing to do to pad their retirements - which should be around 40 given the damage onslaughts of smoke and booze brings on.
dbung10 at 02:47 PM JST - 4th November

So, I hope this has shed a little more light on the hostessing industry and if you do end up going to a hostess club, make sure you go to the ATM first.

No, it hasnt given anyone any information that they didnt already have. Dont give up your night job Roxy.
tkoind2 at 03:40 PM JST - 4th November

Agreed the article is fluf. Nothing here we haven't heard. And nothing here that reflects a lot of the reality of that world. Maybe your high end Ginza type gig is good, but what about all the Kyaba-jo out there who make a lot less and end up in a lot worst situtations.

It is objectification, plain and simple. And if you are a hostess, you are contributing to the continued repression of women in Japan. As long as the rule of Kawai and Hostess rule Japan, women will never be seen as more than second level citizens.
Mittsu at 05:28 PM JST - 4th November

Hosties sleep with clients. Not all, but most.
KaptainKichigai at 07:06 PM JST - 4th November

If there is a demand, someone will supply it. The money is there to be made. If these women want to do it, theyre going to do it. Of course they sleep with their customers if they like them or for whatever reasons, just as a front desk girl might sleep with a regular guest of her hotel if she likes him, just a a server in a bar might go home with the guy in her section if she likes him...just as the librarian etc. etc. etc.
Soochi at 08:01 PM JST - 4th November

Hostess clubs may be many things but "very highly respected" isn't one of them, no matter how rich the punters are.
Mexicanish at 10:14 PM JST - 4th November

Really interesting and fun read.
DarkKnghtZ at 12:01 PM JST - 5th November

When you are stalked and killed by some wack-job that came into the club and got infatuated with you because you paid him a lick of attention, im going to be the one asking: "was it worth the money?" As a matter of fact, there was just recently a story about that kind of thing... evidence that it happens, and since Japan is all about covering up shit like that, Id say it happens more often than we know. Also, Ive known some of these hostesses, and the vast majority of those DID provide sex at some point or another, so your personal experience is no where near the norm.
dbung10 at 03:55 PM JST - 5th November

Just to back up what everyone else has said. Yes hostesses do have sex with their customers, I dont know why people keep trying to pretend it doesnt happen. I know foreign and Japanese hostesses that work at different levels of club, and they have all had sex with customers. some for money and some because they liked the customers.
combinibento at 04:09 PM JST - 5th November

A few points: First, "Roxy" may have been a somewhat sexy pseudonym several years ago, but not anymore. "Amber," "Tiffany," and "Lucille" are similarly frowned upon pseudonyms for hostesses. Second, this article did not teach me anything that I didn't know myself from living in Japan, visiting a couple of these places, and learning the culture. I am curious about specific experiences "Roxy" has had as the one foreigner in a purportedly high class club. This sounds like a goldmine of fun stories, but alas none of them are present here...
InTheKnow at 07:36 PM JST - 6th November

Roxy (I know, not your real name and why should it be?!), a few points:

1) On several occasions you tried to point out that hostesses don't usually have sex with a client. OK (wink!) For 30,000 en the guys just wants to talk with (charming) you on their dohan!

2) There are no "highly-respected" hostess clubs. A whorehouse by any other name...

3) When you return to the real world for a real job, are you going to put hostessing on your CV and explain what you did there? I wouldn't either.

4) Surely you are aware of how Japanese and foreign men and women view hostessing. As 90% of the above comments suggest, it isn't flattering.