Foreign women in Japan sometimes remark how hard it is to get a date with foreign men. What are your views on this?

Sunday 11th May, 01:00 PM JST

› Login to comment

Latest 15 of 177 Total Comments Show All

notimpressed at 04:48 PM JST - 15th May

wow this is still going, and has actually gone somewhere...

Good point to drop our gripes and offer some pointers if it really is a problem. I dont have any new ones, I'll just agree with the one that goes all the way back to sarge...Be more approachable.

The favourite girls Ive ever known in my life so far have all been western women, sometimes only in culture, but it was conversation and personality clicking that wins at the end of the day.

Foreign ladies, you are all good, as long as you give foreign men the time of day. The time of day doesnt mean anything more than that, and you might find that you meet someone you would have discounted otherwise.
LFRAgain at 04:51 PM JST - 15th May

This conversation's gone all over the place here, which is good, I think, for a fuller discussion, but returning to the main topic, I can count off the top of my head six foreigner-foreigner couples that met and developed successful, healthy, long-term relationships while here in Japan in the last four years alone. And they met in pretty much the way Nessie and others have suggested: Go to where foreigners might be (not just the bars, although don't knock them either. Like it or not, bars are where the majority of foreigners go to keep their finger on the pulse of the local foreign community) and get involved in a variety of activities that put you out there to see what's available (and be seen).

Of the six couples I mentioned, two got married, two are engaged, and the other two have been together long enough that marriage isn't out of the question. All while working in Japan. All while not having rock-solid careers planned out meticulously. All while earning modest incomes. Real love and honest relationships don't care about that superficial junk. If the relationship is healthy, those are things the couple works out together along the way.

To say that all or even most foreign men who come to Japan aren't interested in Western women, as if the two criteria, being a Western male and being in Japan, were the only determinants needed to produce a fully rounded image of a man's personality here, is patently ridiculous. We liked them back home. We like ‘em just fine here too. Why should that change with the scenery? Personally, there’s nothing more intriguing than the kind of person who would pick up and move to another country just to see what else is out there. That kind of curiosity about the world and the courage it takes to act upon it is intoxicating.

On another note, with regard to the perception that Western men just aren’t interested in foreign women. It’s not solely a matter of interest. It’s a matter of numbers. There are over 80 million women of marriageable age in Japan. 99% of them are Japanese, which leaves a paltry 1% left to choose from. To berate Western men for dating Japanese women predominantly in such an environment is silly. To expect Western men to limit themselves to a pool of only 1% is like demanding that only the Burkina Faso variety of cashews be included in the party mix. I mean, really, who would willingly limit themselves to such a narrow range of possibilities as that? The same would apply to Western women in their search for a significant partner. Why focus on only the Burkina Faso cashews? The other varieties can be just as good in their own way.
LFRAgain at 04:56 PM JST - 15th May

Wow. 80 million women of marriageable age? Oops. Let's try 50 million.
Sarge at 05:10 PM JST - 15th May

"Foreigner-foreigner couples that have met and developed successful, healthy long-term relationships"

I kept hoping that Bill Murray and Scarlett Johansson were going to do that...
BlackTieAffair at 07:44 PM JST - 15th May

I think people are people regardless of your location. The main factor is good commnuciation and anything is possible.
knucklerap at 10:28 PM JST - 15th May

I was a teacher in a remote area of Japan and had two female co-workers. I used to watch movies with one of them. One night we were walking home (we had to watch the movies at the school where we worked) and she announced that the moon was full and she wanted to "get laid." I was young and ignorant and suggested she ask a few of the male students at our school. It never occurred to me that she might be interested in rolling around with me as I am one of those guys who left the U.S. due to infrequent sexual relations. Anyway, this is one aspect of the problem - - some of us are so used to getting turned down in the past that we've completely given up on the girls who come to Japan from our home country. Has this already been mentioned? By the way, I did end up granting that girl her wish after her sobetsukai.
antizombie at 10:34 PM JST - 15th May

Most foreign men that are in Japan are not very interesting excepting successful business men or outstanding scholars. This is the opinion of of some foreign women I know. They do not want to date teachers that are the main group of foreigners.
M_Lammerse at 12:00 AM JST - 16th May

I'm wondering how far this is true as mentioned in the statement. And a date is something else than a relationship. I'm married with a Japanese but so far I know people I know who are not not married have no problems at all to have a date with foreginers living in Japan or Japanese.
bandogeek at 01:48 PM JST - 16th May

I don't understand why it would be hard to date a foreign man, many foreign men dream of Japanese women.
Ah_so at 10:14 PM JST - 16th May

Guys, guys, guys. I think the stereotyping here is going a little too far don't you think ? I am married to a Japanese woman and I am attracted to Asian girls. However, I can think of scores of Japanese ladies who you would not want a serious relationship with and I can think of scores of reasons why dating a western woman would be more fun and attractive.

Good post, northlondon. In your shoes (well southlondon actaully), and agree with the sentiment. But still, it does not matter where they come from or what language they speak, they can all say, "If you don't know what's wrong, it's not worth telling you!"

It is the international phrase of the sulking woman. It was probably first muttered in the stone age.
knucklerap at 06:31 AM JST - 17th May

Japanese women are positive and build men's confidence.
xpompey8 at 01:36 PM JST - 17th May

Foreign men coming to Japan don't seek foreign women. Foreign men can't get foreign women in their own country, so they come to Japan. Simple as that.
xpompey8 at 01:36 PM JST - 17th May

Foreign men coming to Japan don't seek foreign women. Foreign men can't get foreign women in their own country, so they come to Japan. Simple as that.
knucklerap at 07:45 AM JST - 18th May

>

Foreign men coming to Japan don't seek foreign women. Foreign men can't get foreign women in their own country, so they come to Japan. Simple as that. >

Wrong.

Beware simple answers.
genkipilot at 08:01 PM JST - 24th April

on a personal level...would love to date a western woman in japan. unfortunately there aren t that many attractive ones around. and usually the once that are seem often rather stuck up. i have never had problems dating women in any country, and yes call me superficial but i could not fall in love with a woman that is not sexually appealing to me.

so western ladies out there,nothing wrong with presenting urself in a flattering way,which seems to be also an issue regarding foreign women in japan