What are your views on parents hitting young children as a means of punishing or disciplining them?

Friday 25th April, 06:00 AM JST

Latest 15 of 54 Total Comments Show All

DXXJP at 02:11 AM JST - 29th April

Sorry cleo dosent matter if I got found out I learned not to lie the him.

Yes by the count of five they know the fun and games are over. Maybe they have to go to bed early or dont get their play time what ever I dream up they know they are not going to like it and they get with the program.

KEECH

Tell me about it the neighbor kids are off the leash. I came in one time and two of them were jumping on the couch. I asked them if they had a couch, they said yes. Then I asked where their house was, they asked why, I told them so I could go jump on theirs. So the girl says " my popa will get mad at you" so I told here if your popa would be mad at me for jumping on yours then why are you jumping on mine. I never saw those kids in the house again.

Kids are not stupid if you keep your patiance and speak to them you both get what you want.
cleo at 02:38 AM JST - 29th April

DXXJP -

You learned not to get found out lying to him else you would get a hiding. You didn't learn not to lie to others who were not in a position to give you a hiding.

So your kids know they have to behave themselves when you count to five. Great. What do they do when you're not there to count for them? Who will count for them when they're thirty, forty, fifty?

Like the kids on your couch - they knew they couldn't jump on the couch at home, because their papa would 'get mad' at them. Did it stop them jumping on your couch? No. Papa's 'discipline' didn't work, except as a stop-gap measure to prevent them jumping on the couch when papa was there to stop them.

Threatening kids with violence doesn't teach them long-term how to behave as responsible human beings, only how to avoid a hiding in the short term.

If you respect your kids, you don't hit them. Hitting them teaches them that you - who know them better than anyone else - consider them not worthy of respect. If you don't respect them, how can you expect them to respect themselves? And if they can't respect themselves, how can they have respect for others? If they learn that violence is the way to get people to obey, what's to stop them using violence in their own relationships?
DXXJP at 07:36 AM JST - 29th April

Cleo how many kids do you have?? In my post how many times did I say I beat my kids. Sorry but I don't. And yes when I'm not around they are on their toes. They know their manners, they respect other peoples things, and they never get in trouble.

My daughters are 19, and 11, my son is 6. I can take them anywhere and know they wont act like the monkeys around them.

Do you think because your a women you are better at controlling or disciplining children. Sorry that might work for the guy down the street but I have been their every step of the way for my children. I love them more than life and I don't have to threaten them with it. I never get to five. Usually they are well mannered but some times siblings will provoke the other. They get till 5 to hug it out and apologize or they both have to stop. They don't embarrass me or them selves when their out of my sight their better than that and they know it.

I don't know what your reading into my post but your wrong. Go ask them ask them how many times they got a swat from me. Ask them who raised them, helps them with their school work, cooks meals for them, and basically is there hand a foot for them.
Orangeporange at 12:13 PM JST - 29th April

An intentional spanking on the rear end or a smack on the hands (after a firm warning)yes. Parents should have the right to do such things should they choose to do so.

An intentional slap, kick, punch, whack on the head, shove, bash or throw, NO WAY!
cleo at 12:51 PM JST - 29th April

DXXJP - Two, aged 25 and 22. I'm extremely proud of the pair of them.

Where do you get the 'because you're a woman' thingy? Totally irrelevant.

Maybe I am reading your posts wrong: I hope I am. But you started out telling us that your stepfather beat you unconscious, and seemed to suggest that you thought that was a good way to teach a child not to lie (or get caught out lying).

Then you told us 'they would get firm swat..... Its a silent count to 5 on my fingers. Thats all it takes'. I read that to mean if they don't submit by the count of five, they get what you call a 'firm swat'. Isn't that a threat of violence?

who raised them, helps them with their school work, cooks meals for them, and basically is there hand a foot for them

Isn't that what parents are supposed to do? (You'll be pleased to know the 'hand and foot' bit fades as they learn to stand on their own two feet! :-))
DXXJP at 04:30 PM JST - 29th April

Cleo I have always loved your posts and we usually see eye to eye. Maybe we both misunderstood each other. Yes parents are supposed to raise their children but its usually just one in the home caring and nurturing the other is out trying to make a living. Me and my wife both work and we both share the responsibility. I live in japan as do you so how many fathers do you know that completely get involved and not just on Sunday.
anderstungtwist at 06:34 AM JST - 30th April

you will lose the respect of your children the moment they grow too big for you to beat them anymore. And don't give me this "spanking is not beating" BS. Assault is assault is assault.

When you say "children" I assume you mean all ages, however, I believe three-year-olds and under don't really have much ability to discuss what is and isn't good behavior. They do understand that pouring milk on the floor results in a smack on the head. Would you say, "Hey, you're going to lower the resale value of our house!"
cleo at 09:51 AM JST - 30th April

You could try just taking the milk away from the little perisher. You chuck the stuff on the floor instead of drinking it = you don't get to hold the cup yourself like the big boys and girls do. Little kids instinctively want to be big kids. Using their instincts is a lot more effective in the long run than smacking them on the head.

The suggestion that it's OK to assault little kids because they don't understand anyways always strikes me as gobsmackingly stupid. The first thing you want to teach your non-understanding, open-to-suggestions child is violence is a valid method of communication??
Manny3 at 02:51 PM JST - 30th April

I would find out the situation first before taking any action. I was spank as a kid, but later my parents told me why I got the spanking. I would rather get spanked as a kid than to get sent to prison later. There has to be some discipline in the family. Sooner or later, the kid will get disciplined. If not with the family, then with society. Take your pick. You might think spanking is harsh, but look at it. I've never been in trouble by the law, other than a speeding ticket. I've never done drugs or overdosed on alocohol. I'm not, nor have I ever been in a gang. And, I've never "knock someone up."
cleo at 04:35 PM JST - 30th April

There has to be some discipline in the family.

Yes, there does, But it doesn't have to be violent discipline.
anderstungtwist at 10:45 PM JST - 30th April

Don't need no 'proof'.

Without proof, it's a pointless discussion.
Crucades at 06:03 PM JST - 1st May

They need the belt back in schools, physical discipline has no substitute, kids are too stupid (for a lack of a better word) to comprehend all the social complexities of right and wrong, so a quick slap when wrong is done is far better than a long winded and wasted explanation.
Blue_Tiger at 09:04 PM JST - 1st May

Thank you, curlygene....

The wors sentence my mother could utter to my older brother and me was, "Wait 'til your father gets home," and it wasn't because he was always hitting us, beating us, or abusive: Dad loved us then, and he lovesu s now. no, the reason those words were terrible is because we knew that we'd screwed up royally, and when Dad got wind of it, he'd faithfully administer correction (and he did without fail). Dad never spanked us in or out of anger: it was torment to my brother and me, but he always made us go and wait in his and Mom's bedroom. Years later, my brother asked him why, and Dad said "I didn't want to spank you in the heat of anger; I had to cool off first".

There came the time when spankings were a thing of the past (my brother and I often still speak about how we feel that groundings and restrictions were a worse punishment than spanking), but I personally realize now that Dad was helping both of us to understand that bad choices, breaking the rules, intentional "mistakes" and "accidents", and basically just not taking the time to think before doign something always brought about bad consequences. To often, especially in Japan from what I've seen (and in Korea, too, for that matter), children are not taught that disobedience and bad actions have bad consequences. This wil only cause greater harm to the children in the future...
greensatindress at 10:19 AM JST - 15th May

Initially I think it is not good but sometimes necessary. Hitting head/face is not good but smacking the hands or butt is pretty effective. You need to put fear into kids. That is the probably with kids today---no respect, no fear.
cleo at 12:23 PM JST - 15th May

You need to put fear into kids. That is the probably with kids today---no respect, no fear.

No you don't. Respect and fear are not the same.

Do you respect your husband? Do you fear him? Would you respect him if he hit you?

Why expect children to respect people who hit them?