What are your views on relationships in which one partner is at least 20 years older than the other?
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36 Comments
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KallyPygous
Well, I'm more than twenty years older than my children and we have a great relationship. I have a great relationship with my parents too. My relationship with my crusty old Japanese boss is terrible, though, so I guess each has to be judged individually.
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KallyPygous
If you're talking about sexual relationships, so long as the youngest partner is of majority, fair enough. It's a bit icky but it's their choice.
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neverknow2
I would say he's a lucky man.
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tigerguy
Visually it can be a bit odd and disgusting to look at but it's entirely the individual's choice. If the younger partner wants to make love ans have sex with an older more wrinkly parent-like person then so be it.
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blvtzpk
As long as it IS their decision, then it's THEIR DECISION.
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one2one
@KallyPygous Lol.I like the way you took the question. But if its on sexual relationships,a woman being 20yrs younger does not cause a big alarm.Anyway if a man is 20yrs younger,this woman is not always welcomed in the society.This kind of relationships don`t last for long without one party digging out.And its always the younger party. Hha. lets enjoy parting!
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cow76
There are evolutionary reasons why women prefer older men. If they've survived to middle or old age it probably means they have superior genetics (people with weaker genetics didn't survive to old age). There are lots of young men but because there are lots we don't know which ones are superior yet.
Of course, like many evolutionary traits, this shouldn't be relevant in the modern world but still persists.
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Justuju
The question contains the word "Partner". This generally means a Husband / Wife relationship. In that case a Generation Gap is certain to occur, and have undesirable effects in life. Like the urge to play xbox, by the younger partner, while the Oldie wants something else, like a Golf Course trip!
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dolphingirl
I have no problem with a big age difference in an intimate relationship as long as both people are mature. Generally, by age 27, a person's self is fully developed. For example, if one person is 30 and the other is 50; no big deal!
However, if one of them is say 22 and the other is 42 I feel a little bit uneasy. Some questions come to mind regarding the nature of this relationship. Of course it all depends on the maturity of this 22-year-old. I don't think there is a magic age where a person becomes 'an adult'.
I suppose it also depends on what kind of relationship it is--if it's just sex, then as long as they are both consenting adults, anything goes!
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Eizenhauer
Only a 100 years ago it used to be absolutely normal for a man to be older anywhere 15-30 years than his wife. It was so normal that it has never been an issue back then. Now is a different story as most couples seem to be withing reasonable limits of their own age. If i could have a smart and mature enough wife who is 20 years younger i'd sure marry her to ensure a healthy offspring lol :)
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bushlover
My view is that my opinion of others relationships is only my opinion and I should keep it to myself. Their relationship is none of my business.
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Farmboy
It's rather sad for the children who don't usually have one of their parents for very long, or at a time when the parent has sufficient energy to deal with a child. Since this type of marriage is not that uncommon in Japan,however, there probably is less negative social pressure than there would be in some other countries.
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jkoffman
The formula is - half your age + 7 years, is the perfect partner for you.
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dolphingirl
Does this formula work for women too?
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inkjet
does this also explain why men are attracted to older woman? wait a minute, men are not generally attracted to older woman. what's up with that? don't we care about good genes? or is it more about how good our partners look in them?
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cow76
Inkjet, good question but one that is easily rebutted. Whenever you look at the nature of human beings you have to imagine cavemen life. Modern humans are basically the same as cavemen. Men were far more likely to be killed young as they hunted animals whereas women did not. I could go on but I think the point is proven.
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tclh
Man/woman: 40/20 ok, 50/30 still ok, 60/40 well not that bad,70/50 for spiritual value only? In other words it is perfectly OK, non of other people business.
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seesaw
My J friend married an Aussie man 30 years her senior..I thought that was bizzare...but they are very happy together till today. She's now 37 and he's 67......no children though.
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onewrldoneppl
i don't hate. i congratulate.
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johnnyreb
i hope to have one in 20 years.
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Azrael
In Spanish we call them robacunas (cradde-robber), viejo verde (basically, old pervert, mainly for guys) and chiquillona (old woman + way too younger man, aka sugar-mommy). Gigolo stands for young men pairing up with old women for money, but that originally is an Italian word.
I think such a large difference (as in 20 years, a considerable generation gap) is questionable, but as long as both are grown adults, there is not coercion, extortion, psychological pressure (such as the younger one seeking a parental figure they can sleep with) or a try on inheriting from an elderly person who is not completely aware of herself/himself, to each their own and good luck.
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nisegaijin
who am i to judge? if they enjoy each other, God bless them.
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ratpack
Wow...high five for me if i am the older one. My neighbour is married to a woman less than half his age (he is 54 and she is 25). I really don't understand what the attraction is for her (i certainly understand what the attraction is for him) but they seem to be happy and like i said.....high five me if i am the older one.
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2020hindsight
It's fine. I would say that they both get something that they wouldn't get with same age relationships, which is the reason for entering into it. It's not just one way. People wouldn't enter into such relationships if it wasn't.
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Brainiac
It's fine as long as the older partner is healthy. But once he (or she) starts to suffer illnesses in his/her 60s/70s or 80s, then the relationship deteriorates because the younger partner, who is still in the prime of life, is usually unwilling to become a caregiver or nursemaid.
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smartacus
There seems to be more acceptance and less of a tendency to be judgmental when it is an older man with a younger woman than there is when it is the other way around. I wonder why that is.
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sk4ek
Good luck!
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Klein2
If I marry a woman, divorce her, and she marries my son, I can avoid inheritance taxes when I die, right? Sweet.
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Wakarimasen
See more of this inj Japan than in most European countries. Almost exclusively the men are older. Because have money? Cleverer? Genetics? Or maybe because J men around same age as the woman are likely to be childish, spoiled and no fun.
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TSRnow
20 is OK, I guess....
But I wouldn't have my child marrying someone older than me! Sorry, but I'm being real honest here...
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pawatan
I don't see a problem with it, though I would only want a partner close-ish to my age. Maybe a fling with a younger person but not any sort of lasting relationship. It's too hard to find common ground when the age gap is too large.
But that's just my personal opinion. I have no problem with others dating/marrying those of a radically different age.
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XXXXX
12yrs, been there, done that. 20? hmmm it depends.
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abromofo
By the time people are over about 30, it's not a big deal in my opinion. However when a male is significantly younger than the female, it's an evolutionary anomaly. That is to say, it doesn't put your offspring in the best competitive position.
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