You have to be very sensitive to what the other person is going through and understand that they are feeling depressed, frustrated and sad that you can't return their feelings. A face-to-face talk is best, in which you can try to explain that you are not interested in a relationship and that you wouldn't be a good match. Don't do it by email and don't use platitudes such as "You'll get over it" and "There are plenty of fish in the sea," etc. The other person can't see that; they only have feelings for you at the moment.
The situation can become more difficult if you're working in the same office and may not be resolved unless one of you leaves the company.
It's also important that the person suffering unrequited love have a friend in their life who can talk to them. If you know such a person, you should ask him/her to speak to that person.
Nothing hurts more than unrequited love. Love, when turned down can tear your heart. Though time heals wounds, the heart is never really whole again. Many lovers find it difficult to rebound after heartbreak. The burden of a one-sided affair is too much to bear. The heart is broken, and so is the self-esteem. Perhaps it is best that your love was rejected. Don't agonize over why your love was rejected. No one can ever fully understand another person' point of view.
I've had several experiences of being the object of unrequited love, some in my home country, and some in Japan (and by the way, the Japanese ones were really,really creepy and persistent. Following me around on trains, calling my employers and asking for my work schedules, etc).
My advice is: radio silence. Do not respond to emails or phone messages. Just act as if this person no longer exists in your life. Eventually he or she will give up.
My friend (a woman) told me this story. She was being mercilessly pursued by a loser-type guy and when she was at her wits end she finally gave in a went on a date with him with the understanding that she would choose the restaurants. They first went to an unagi (eel) restaurant and ate two bowls unagi-don (grilled eel on a bed of rice). Then it was off to a Chinese restaurant for a huge helping of ebi-chilli (sweet-and-sour shrimp) followed by a visit to a donut shop for a few glazed donuts. Then they hit the bars for a round of screwdrivers, cocktails and shots of Jack Daniels. On the ride home in the taxi, she then leaned over and barfed in this guys lap. While the taxi driver was yelling at the man, she quietly got out of the cab and went home. She has never heard from that guy since.
Just turn around and walk away . . . whether your the one causing the anguish or your on the receiving end. Get over it. As my mother used to always say to me, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
Don't talk to the other person. Avoid them at all costs. You may think "you can still be friends" or some other BS, but this is not possible with sexual attraction in the other person.
I am a middle-aged straight, married man. I try to be kind, or at least civil, to most people I know. Every now and then, a women takes my friendliness the wrong way. I used to tell them that I am married, but that did not deter some. There are lots of married men who like to play around, I guess.
So I tell people am "happily married." That works.
While stationed in Korea years ago, I often visited an orphanage. One day, upon returning to my dorm room after work, I was surprised to find the highschool-aged sister of one of the orphanage staff IN my room. This was scary for many reasons, not the least of which was that I never dated her or told her where I lived (the cleaning staff had let her in). It took over three hours to talk her out of that room, and even while leaving she pretended to faint a couple of times and she cried a lot. Later, she gave me a sweater she had knitted. After that, I went to her big sister, gave back the sweater, and told her about all this. I didn't have any problems after that.
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smartacus
You have to be very sensitive to what the other person is going through and understand that they are feeling depressed, frustrated and sad that you can't return their feelings. A face-to-face talk is best, in which you can try to explain that you are not interested in a relationship and that you wouldn't be a good match. Don't do it by email and don't use platitudes such as "You'll get over it" and "There are plenty of fish in the sea," etc. The other person can't see that; they only have feelings for you at the moment.
The situation can become more difficult if you're working in the same office and may not be resolved unless one of you leaves the company.
It's also important that the person suffering unrequited love have a friend in their life who can talk to them. If you know such a person, you should ask him/her to speak to that person.
HaraldBloodaxe
Sensitively, like so:
"Look X, you're getting on my nerves. Clear off and haunt somebody else for a while, will you?"
Works every time.
People need to grow up in this neck of the woods.
Novenachama
Nothing hurts more than unrequited love. Love, when turned down can tear your heart. Though time heals wounds, the heart is never really whole again. Many lovers find it difficult to rebound after heartbreak. The burden of a one-sided affair is too much to bear. The heart is broken, and so is the self-esteem. Perhaps it is best that your love was rejected. Don't agonize over why your love was rejected. No one can ever fully understand another person' point of view.
Wakarimasen
Just give in and the love will fade eventually.
Tessa
I've had several experiences of being the object of unrequited love, some in my home country, and some in Japan (and by the way, the Japanese ones were really,really creepy and persistent. Following me around on trains, calling my employers and asking for my work schedules, etc).
My advice is: radio silence. Do not respond to emails or phone messages. Just act as if this person no longer exists in your life. Eventually he or she will give up.
lostrune2
Perseverance is key
samwatters
My friend (a woman) told me this story. She was being mercilessly pursued by a loser-type guy and when she was at her wits end she finally gave in a went on a date with him with the understanding that she would choose the restaurants. They first went to an unagi (eel) restaurant and ate two bowls unagi-don (grilled eel on a bed of rice). Then it was off to a Chinese restaurant for a huge helping of ebi-chilli (sweet-and-sour shrimp) followed by a visit to a donut shop for a few glazed donuts. Then they hit the bars for a round of screwdrivers, cocktails and shots of Jack Daniels. On the ride home in the taxi, she then leaned over and barfed in this guys lap. While the taxi driver was yelling at the man, she quietly got out of the cab and went home. She has never heard from that guy since.
stormcrow
Just turn around and walk away . . . whether your the one causing the anguish or your on the receiving end. Get over it. As my mother used to always say to me, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
nath
Don't talk to the other person. Avoid them at all costs. You may think "you can still be friends" or some other BS, but this is not possible with sexual attraction in the other person.
JTDanMan
Well, that depend on a lot, obviously.
I am a middle-aged straight, married man. I try to be kind, or at least civil, to most people I know. Every now and then, a women takes my friendliness the wrong way. I used to tell them that I am married, but that did not deter some. There are lots of married men who like to play around, I guess.
So I tell people am "happily married." That works.
sensei258
While stationed in Korea years ago, I often visited an orphanage. One day, upon returning to my dorm room after work, I was surprised to find the highschool-aged sister of one of the orphanage staff IN my room. This was scary for many reasons, not the least of which was that I never dated her or told her where I lived (the cleaning staff had let her in). It took over three hours to talk her out of that room, and even while leaving she pretended to faint a couple of times and she cried a lot. Later, she gave me a sweater she had knitted. After that, I went to her big sister, gave back the sweater, and told her about all this. I didn't have any problems after that.
JTDanMan
Sensai
A similar thing happened to my twice in Japan. But not in my room. That's freaky.
Anyways, these girls obviously wanted out of Dodge, and see us as that ticket. Sad.