Kuchikomi Jun. 01, 2008 - 05:07AM JST ( 5 )

There are (broadly speaking) two kinds of parties: party parties and corporate parties. At the former you have fun, at the latter you pretend to have fun. It can be awkward, especially for the junior staff who have yet to master the ins and outs of dealing with a boss who is drunk when you’re none too sober.

And yet, says Weekly Playboy (June 9), office parties are key vehicles for professional advancement. So clear is this that a poll cited by the magazine shows 90% of freshmen employees taking these gatherings very seriously indeed. Of course, being young, inexperienced and inebriated, it’s only too easy to put your foot in your mouth, perhaps never to get it out again. On the other hand, if you play your cards right, read your boss’ character correctly, play him or her with skill and sensitivity, you can get your career off to a soaring start.

For example: “Seniors think their juniors are stupid by definition. If you talk seriously to them [at a drinking party], it puts them out of humor. So—be stupid! Understand nothing! Gratify the boss’ superiority complex!”

That’s disconcerting, but maybe we can draw a little comfort from the fact that it’s spoken by a young pro wrestler and may have limited corporate relevance. If a young business person has an experience corresponding to the following wrestler’s reminiscence, the resemblence is likely to be more metaphorical than literal.

“I was drinking in Kabukicho [a Tokyo entertainment quarter] with a senior wrestler, who suddenly bellows, ‘Muscle training!’ He made me go down and do pushups right there in the street. ‘More! More!’ Young women came by to snap photos with their cell phone cameras…”

Yes, bosses are often as drunk with power as with alcohol. But therein lies an advantage you can seize—it means you, having no power to be drunk on, will be the less inebriated of the two, and therefore, despite your junior status and lack of experience, the potential master of the situation.

With that in mind, Weekly Playboy approaches “bijin manner consultant” (bijin means beautiful woman) Hiroko Nishide for professional tips on what to do if for some reason your boss hasn’t honored you with an invitation to join him for drinks. Nishide’s advice: Invite him.

But it has to be done properly. “Use ‘cushion words,’ she advises. “Say something like, “Of course, I know you’re busy, I hope I’m not imposing. Still, make it clear that you are extending an invitation, not angling for one.”

If you’re a carpenter, however, you might want to think twice about making such an approach—or about making any approach. Carpenters, Weekly Playboy tells us, make terrifying bosses.

“Even in a party atmosphere,” the magazine hears from one carpenter, “you can’t let your guard down. Once when the boss took us drinking, I asked him a question about how to choose the best work socks. One of the others, a guy who’d joined the company at the same time as me, laughed. The boss got furious. ‘What’s the joke? Eh?’ He knocked the table over and punched him in the face.”

You approach the end of Weekly Playboy’s story with the impression pitfalls far outnumber opportunities. Then the ultimate secret weapon is unveiled: praise. “Smother with praise!” It’s the one form of drunken babble an inebriated boss can’t hear too much of.