Some wives wish their husbands would hurry up and drop dead.

Yoji, 57, was looking forward to retirement. It’s only three years away. For all his adult life, it’s been nothing but work, nothing but the company. Soon it would be time to think of his family, of himself. He would make up for lost time.

He took his wife into his confidence. “We’ll travel, go to hot spring resorts. Go dancing. Whatever you want. Once I’m off the treadmill, your happiness will come first.”

Her reply stunned him. “If you’re really thinking of my happiness,” she said coldly, “you’ll die right this minute.”

She wasn’t joking. “You’ve made my life a living hell and now, all of a sudden, ‘Your happiness comes first!’ It’s a little late for that!”

There are many wives like her across the country, says Shukan Gendai (March 6)—and many husbands like Yoji, who simply don’t have a clue. A government survey last year seems to support the conclusion that a significant number of wives—though by no means a majority—harbor a seething hatred for their husbands.

The survey polled 1,077 men, 17.8% of whom say they’ve suffered some form of abuse—physical, psychological or sexual—at the hands of their wives. One husband in a thousand, the survey found, has felt his wife was ready to kill him.

It’s a situation more prevalent among elderly couples, but not exclusive to them, as Shukan Gendai hears from Akira, an IT executive in his mid-40s. He, his wife and his elementary-school daughter lived quietly and, he had thought, more or less happily for years. A turning point seems to have come when Akira’s firm abruptly turned prosperous. Orders were pouring in. It meant better pay but also heavier responsibilities, and longer—much longer—working hours.

He would get home in the small hours, and be on his way a very few hours later. Rare days off were spent on the golf course with clients. His wife would say, “Let’s take a little trip somewhere;” “let’s go out for dinner, it’s our anniversary.” The reply was always the same: “Sorry, can’t. Busy.”

Late one night he woke from a sound sleep to find his wife at the bedside brandishing a gas lighter. “Die,” she shouted. “Just die!”

The story as the magazine tells it ends there, so presumably it passed without death, injury or flaming destruction, but it must have been a harrowing experience.

A similar episode that occurred in January last year ended less benignly—the 66-year-old husband was severely burned. The couple was apparently notorious in their Tokyo neighborhood for the intensity of their quarreling; still, none of the neighbors ever thought it would come to that.

Shukan Gendai challenges its readers: “Is your wife ready to set you on fire?”

A Tokyo divorce lawyer the magazine talks to speaks of women who come in asking, “Is there a legal way to make a husband vanish?”

There may be, in fact. Article 30 of the Civil Code says that if a husband has not been heard from in seven years and it cannot be determined whether he is alive or dead, the wife can obtain an appropriate declaration to that effect, which frees her to take possession of her husband’s property, and to remarry if she has a mind to. Given the way couples seem to feel toward each other beneath the unruffled surface, and given the ongoing spate of retirement as the nation ages and ages, it seems reasonable to expect increasingly creative applications of that article.

  • 0

    perspective

    Of all of the asinine articles posted here at times, this one takes the cake.

  • 0

    bcbrownboy

    Perspective: you may be right, but the article is sooo true.

  • 0

    Sarge

    This article comes too soon after Valentine's Day.

    "You've made my life a living hell"

    But she never apparently never told her husband how she felt until now.

  • 0

    LostinNagoya

    That's why I'll never get married, to a woman, I mean.

  • 0

    Icewind007

    A Tokyo divorce lawyer the magazine talks to speaks of women who come in asking, “Is there a legal way to make a husband vanish?”

    There may be, in fact. Article 30 of the Civil Code says that if a husband has not been heard from in seven years and it cannot be determined whether he is alive or dead, the wife can obtain an appropriate declaration to that effect, which frees her to take possession of her husband’s property, and to remarry if she has a mind to.

    Does this go both ways, or is it only women who are given the incentive to commit the perfect murder?

  • 0

    TokyoRoughGuy

    A government survey last year seems to support the conclusion that a significant number of wives—though by no means a majority—harbor a seething hatred for their husbands.

    I love these women for two weeks at a time.

  • 0

    nylex4

    aint lurv grand??

  • 0

    Eshadow

    poor guy... it's not the husband's fault that the working culture here is often times ridiculous!

  • 0

    thepro

    Shukan Gendai article? lol, classy

  • 0

    tmarie

    I wish these guys could divorce these witches and leave them with nothing - they deserve it.

  • 0

    motogaijin

    It’s a situation more prevalent among elderly couples, but not exclusive to them, as Shukan Gendai hears from Akira, an IT executive in his mid-40s. He, his wife and his elementary-school daughter lived quietly and, he had thought, more or less happily for years. A turning point seems to have come when Akira’s firm abruptly turned prosperous. Orders were pouring in. It meant better pay but also heavier responsibilities, and longer—much longer—working hours.

    Something tells me that this wife didn't have any problems when Akira was bringing home fat stacks of Fukuzawas every month so that she could take trips and get expensive luxury handbags...

  • 0

    ronaldk

    As a male married to a JP woman, I think I feel like the wife in this story. JP women always exaggerate the social responsibility and burden of school activities, etc. adding excessive stress where none need be. My mother raised 5 kids and was stressed out, but still had a job, friends and a sense of humor. The women seem to bring this stress on themselves.

  • 1

    tkoind2

    If these "wives" are so unhappy, why don't they get off their spoiled behinds and get a job and make a new life? I mean if you are so miserable then take command of your own destiny. Stop being molly home maker and get a job. Your new found financial independence will allow you to escape. And you can take the kids with you.

    But no, you sit there and take in all the support an income while dear old "I wish he would die" dad is enslaved for some company who thinks it is still the 1830's industrial revolution and it is ok to work people to death.

    I don't have one grain of sympathy for these leechy women who take and take and then complain that the poor guy paying for everything is working too much. If you don't like overwork, take some of those hours at home and organize political movements to demand changes in labor laws so that husbands can be around more and take more care for you and your kids. But you can't be bothered to do that can you.

    I would never, under any circumstances marry someone who has this Cinderella stay at home thing going. Nor someone who expects to be a full time dependent of any kind. Marriage should be about partnership and mutual cooperation to care for and develop the family. Even with this much better model, it is still hard. But at least you have a chance.

  • 0

    Darren White

    Some wives can't wait and murder their husbands for the insurance money.

  • 0

    trinklets2

    Been married for almost 20 years to a J-man almost 20 years my senior, I love my life that's why I got divorced. I emphatize with the woman but at least being japanese gives her leverage. Some men just don't understand how hard it is to keep face, keep house and maintain one's sanity in a highly pressured country. Little things that would make women feel ahh I married a wonderful guy. Thank God. And those little things need not be highly priced goods in small wraps.

  • 0

    bakabakabaka

    While I think these women have deeper-seated issues than just a husband that doesn't pay attention to them, I do sort of sympathize with them. I know what it's like to be with someone who doesn't make you feel special or pay any attention to you at all. The reason that you get married is so that you can spend more time with the one that you love, right? (At least, that is what I want) Money doesn't even factor in. Honestly, I'd MUCH rather be with someone that spends quality time with me every day but is dirt poor, than be with someone who is rich but I never see. What a lonely life. Imagine being "stuck" in that lifestyle by being married? It would be miserable.

    So yeah, I understand where they are coming from. There is the "just divorce him" excuse, but it's not as easy. I mean, you originally started dating (supposedly) because you were in love, and got married (hopefully) because you thought that he was THE one. Letting go of that is really hard.

  • 0

    IvanCoughalot

    JP women always exaggerate the social responsibility and burden of school activities

    You're not wrong there. My Mrs reckons she can't get a job because she's too busy with "volunteer" work at the kid's Kindy.

    "Just tell them you can't do it any more" was my naif suggestion. "I have to do it. I cannot say no. It is Volunteer" quoth she.

  • 0

    Marius2

    "you sacrifice your life, your sanity, to provide a home and food to boot. Die, you scum".

    Obviously these j-wives are unaware of Japans "unique, traditional" working culture. Crazy.

  • 0

    tkoind2

    Come on cry me a river ladies! Sure taking care of the home and family is very hard work. But try doing that same work without the salaryman to provide the income for you. Try being wife to Mr. Unemployed. Or Mr. I don't want to be employed. Or try being a single mom.

    While I feel for your stress, I don't hear your lot feeling for the poor slave that is supporting you. Do you think living through a working life in Japan is some kind of paradice? Every morning crushed on trains just to get to the office and be left unempowered, over worked, dealing with work stress and all to social pressures that go with it. Then coming home late to find a family that wishes you had just stayed in the office.

    Ladies I know some of these guys and I am frankly shocked more of them don't go off the train platforms every day given the role they have in this society. At least slaves got the courtesy of being called slave. These guys are modern day slaves and no one even appreciates that from them.

    And trinklets2. What are you doing for him other than taking his money? The road you describe of little things runs two ways. From what I hear there is no sex, no time to enjoy life, no great welcome when they come home except someone expecting them to come home from 15hr days and be all sunshine and genki.

    Could you come home and be Mrs. Wonderful after that?

    Couples here need to fight for more time. That means labor laws that get people home at a ratonal hour so that there is time for the little things. Fail that and you fail it all.

  • 0

    TokyoGas

    >Late one night he woke from a sound sleep to find his wife at the bedside brandishing a gas lighter. “Die,” she shouted. “Just die!”

    Not the best thing to wake up to.

  • 0

    Kwaabish

    The road goes both ways. I know of a handful of men who would be just as happy if their wives just died (and had a sizeable life insurance policy)...

  • 0

    Alphaape

    tkoind2, good points on both your posts.

  • 0

    bentheredonthat

    @tkoind2

    i agree that couples need more time together, but revising labor laws will do little to change that. corporate culture has to change in j-land, and workers need to stand up more for their rights.

  • 0

    GW

    lets face it folks J-society is destructive to both sexes, pretty easy for us foreign types to see this.

    Unfortunately for most J-couples their window of happiness is from when they start dating until the first baby usually after that its usually downhill for most. Japan is a sad & lonley place for most but unless both men & womend do something to change things then they only have themselves to blame.

    Life in Jpn cud be awesome for all invloved but it just seems most only like to see others living the same unhappy lives as themselves.

    Thankfully the mrs & I dont follow that destructive path, we sure arent perfect but we get on good most of the time & have fun, a big part of that I think is because we dont have kids(nothing wrong for those of you that have`em!).

    In fact we are both soon going out for lunch in a few minutes as I am working at home & she works a few hrs this evening, off to a nice little organic joint for a dose of heathly food in an old minka!

    Life can be good, very good here but you have to to want it & out on yr Nikes & just do it!! Sadly many j-couples cant seem to comprehend that kind of thing so imo they get what they deserve for the most part!

  • 0

    kyoken

    The underlying core issue for Japanese I see, is the discrepancy of peoples expectation on their life and social reality and possibilities. Then failed dreams get projected onto the partner.

  • 0

    Monkeyz

    I wonder how many of these women are in "omiai" marriages and didn't even like their husbands that much in the first place.

    I know I would be pretty resentful if I married some schlub I didn't even particularly like, then was denied the opportunity to do something with my life due to my generation and a culture that lets women choose a career, a family, but never both (and you're a bad, bad woman if you choose "career.")

    I've met older ladies who absolutely resent their retired husbands and can't wait for them to die. Usually the reason is that before he was home all the time, she had freedom to do what she wanted and do things at home her way. And now that he's retired he just sits around, doesn't lift a finger to help her, and still expects her to wait on him hand and foot. He may be retired, but there is no retirement for old ladies, and jobs? Are you kidding me? Once you're 35 you're essentially unemployable unless you want to sweep station steps or ring up groceries. Even McDonald's is out of reach.

    What a sad life for all involved. But I feel the worst for the women who are told their dreams and happiness mean nothing in the grand scheme of things.

  • 0

    AzabuSamurai

    I wonder how many of these women are in "omiai" marriages and didn't even like their husbands that much in the first place.

    In the past when Omiai was the norm, there was little divorce because its a business arrangment. Its the love marriages that fall apart.

    in j-land, and workers need to stand up more for their rights.

    They just need to stop thinking that over-work is honorable. Its not like they are forced to stay in the office. In most cases, they chose to do so.

  • 0

    dolphingirl

    My god! Is the writer of this article trying to encourage women to off their husbands and offering legal advice as to how to get away with it?

    tkoind2: I agree with most of what you are saying. A woman only has herself to blame if she keeps quiet for 30 years, while anger & resentment build inside her and she acts out passive aggressively or by abusing her husband. Then after years of this 'living hell' she decides that it's all her husbands fault?! No way! If you are so unhappy, then get out of the marriage. Pack up and leave and start over.

    I think the man is at fault too. And totally clueless. Start thinking of his family at the age of 60?! Come on! You can't just expect your wife to suddenly adore you and be delighted that you are retiring after you have neglected her and hardly spent any time with her for three decades or so. Sure work conditions are tough on men in Japan but they do still have a choose and they can still have priorities in their life. My husband is not a salary man because he chose not to be a slave to a company. We have plenty of time together and we are enjoying our lives now. Who is crazy enough to think their life begins after retirement?

  • 0

    bicultural

    This is a Shukan Gendai article, a gossip magazine. Not the most reliable source of information.

  • 0

    Bazza

    But all those brand goods, private schools/yochiens, nice restaurants, furniture, new appartments/houses carry a hefty price.

    And the average salaryman (and his family) will be dependent on the company for healthcare and pension.

    Also, Japan didn't get to be an industrial powerhouse on family days-out to Disneyland.

    Which way do they want it?

  • 0

    misoshiro

    Trinklets2, I think you deserve a gold medal. I can understand a foreign man married to a Japanese woman that long, but not a foreign woman married to a Japanese man that long. It just does not seem to work. They are probably better off asking for a slave.

  • 0

    trinklets2

    To tcoind2, you presumed too much. I can't blame you. How was that for a husband who would leave the house pretending he's off to work yet all the while spending precious money and time in pachinko parlors, would arrive home tired and lame and me preparing the ofuro and the midnight snack thinking he had a hell of a day at work. I was dumb then. Never realizing a man of his age can do such a thing. I don't even really know if it was only pachinko all along. In this case yes I could have said he better drop dead.

  • 0

    marushka

    Tkoind2: well said, thanks, fully agree. Moreover I don’t really understand what there is so difficult in staying at home? No, honestly, could someone explain this to me? And why the women who decided by themselves to quit job and stay at home will complain and blame their husbands for their own decision?

  • 0

    Junnama

    Good old Kuchikomi..truly tittalating article..

  • 0

    cleo

    I can understand a foreign man married to a Japanese woman that long, but not a foreign woman married to a Japanese man that long. It just does not seem to work. They are probably better off asking for a slave.

    Thirty years this April and still going strong. Mr cleo would guffaw his socks off if anyone were to suggest I was his slave. (As I type this he's got his head stuck in the fridge wondering what to make for dinner.)

  • 0

    trinklets2

    Thanks Misoshiro. But I need only the gold medal for its equivalent in yen. I've got no money and no job. I got the so called nenkin bunkatsu but I could only avail of it 7 years from now. Gambarimasu. Shikataganai. I just think however that each of us have our own battles too and each of us deserve a sort of medal. Pun aside.

  • 0

    womanforwomen

    trinklets while I applaud you for taking that bold step to marry that man in the first place, I would also like to add that you did have a strong reason to marry him right? You wanted something in your life to change and so you took that risk. But it just did not work out the way you wanted. And now you are blaming your naivety or innocence for that. Well, I would not do that. I don't have to say it but look at others married to Jmen. They are making the marriages work for them. You need to work at it constantly. Find out the secret from people like Cleo as to how to make your husband make dinner :)

  • 0

    cleo

    Find out the secret from people like Cleo as to how to make your husband make dinner :)

    No need to make him, he does it because he loves me. ;-D

    And also maybe because he's hungry, and I'm busy.....(honest, in between posting on JT I'm actually working....)

  • 0

    Shaolin7

    While this is a story from a dubious source of information, there probably is some segment of society it reflects. I keep seeing some of the foreign guys here posting about their marriages, too, and if you read into the subtext there...they are not happy either.

    It is sad to think that it's no longer enough to simply love someone. I used to look at happy couples with regret, but now I have to say the more I hear of married life and its bittersweet nature, I'm almost relieved I'm single.

  • 0

    temporaryVisa

    I think it all starts with education. Japanese education doesn't equip young people to make good choices for themselves in life. Instead they are pressured into choices. The reason why japanese women get married is as shallow as "because he asked me" or they feel it's time to do so. The happily married japanese couples I know of are usually cases where both partners are well educated and working.

  • 0

    cleo

    The reason why japanese women get married is as shallow as ~

    I think you missed a 'some' out of that sentence.

  • 0

    jonswan

    Pretty funny story - in a black comedy sort of way. I'm sure there are a certain numbers of men and women in all societies who wouldn't mind if their husband/boy/girlfriend vanished or went up in smoke. It's a sad fact that society and personal circumstances force some people to stay together when they don't want to be. Financial independence (i.e. your own part time job) would in many cases even here in Japan result in the far safer and less demonic choice of divorce compared to staying where you are and feeling imprisoned. Still, bringing up one child, cooking the occasional bento for the absent husband, farming out the kid to the grandparents, spending the day at the gym or with friends - gosh, that sounds like a nightmare life to me....

  • 0

    womanforwomen

    No need to make him, he does it because he loves me.

    Making one's self lovable is also work and effort. It works both ways.

    tkoind2, the wisdom, where is it coming from? You are young. So it must be from experience from people around you. Very curious.

  • 0

    dolphingirl

    I don't think it's about making yourself lovable...if you love and respect yourself your partner will love and respect you too. The men and women in this story obviously didn't have enough respect for themselves to ask for what they really needed. If they had respected themselves and each other, they wouldn't be in the miserable mess they are in now.

  • 0

    trinklets2

    To womanfor women, at my age I'm not that well experienced to handle a man. Western women are used to being vocal and treated equally. I'm asian and got that conservative view of marriage. Most of us are here to better our lives. It's just that some are lucky and some are not. And why do we have to bicker, the women here in the article wished their husbands dead. Me included. But then how many Jmen have actually killed their wives be it foreigner or japanese. Give me some break, friends.

  • 0

    marushka

    Imho: I think it is clear absence of real communication. I am just wondering how people can live years long like robots and one they are retired, they finally decided to do something for their lives , how pathetic

  • 0

    fussagaijin

    Ladies, remember not to confuse romance and finance. In order to live in a certain lifestyle, it takes hard work and alot of money. In order to get that money, takes more time and dedication to the office. Therefore, don't ask for Gucci handbags and to stay at home and watch TV all day, and vacations or partying when the slave gets home. Completely spoiled and unrealistic view of life...

  • 0

    fussagaijin

    And for the "ladies" on this post who wish their husbands dead, I wonder how many forget to add the caveat that this rapid departure is preferred ONLY after he leaves a hefty life insurance policy prior to his demise...Vampires, the lot of you...

  • 0

    goddog

    When you take home a lot of money and it is down to ¥3000 yen each month before payday, you get suspicious. Then you put them on a budget and it still does it but nothing else changes, you get suspicious. Hidden bank accounts>YUP YUP YUP most definitely. I have been told to die to. I barricade myself into my bedroom every night. I do not want to see that knife ever again.

  • 0

    goddog

    oh, yeah, forgot to mention, I canceled my life insurance policy and trying to sell this looser mansion and get rid of that life insurance policy that says if I die, the mansion is paid for. Screw that.

  • 0

    30061015

    This article comes as no surprise to married men. This, from a nation that invented divorce after death and where the husband is tolerated at best and treated like of sodai gomi most of the time.

    Guys, it aint your fault. This is the value J culture places on you. The spoiled little prisses would rather have your head.

    tkoind2, good posts.

  • 0

    cleo

    When you take home a lot of money and it is down to ¥3000 yen each month before payday, you get suspicious

    Lots of men think they're taking home a lot of money and have no idea how much it costs to run a family.

    Guys, it aint your fault. This is the value J culture places on you. The spoiled little prisses would rather have your head.

    Awww. Cry me a river.

  • 0

    fondofj

    That's the ultimate juice of married life here.

  • 0

    frustrantpolice

    i need a visa. let's hitch up. death will come later. to all. yes, even those with their sunday morning insistence.

  • 0

    30061015

    Awww. Cry me a river.

    Sorry, no sympathy for the devil and don't the time it would take anyway for tears, how about P?

    If you’re really thinking of my happiness you’ll die right this minute.

  • 0

    norinrad21

    I wonder what disillusions wife thinks about this.

  • 0

    TheRat

    The underlying problem to this is money, and time. Naturally, if men had time off they could have a real relationship, but men need to wake up to the fact that either they have the balls to stand up to their company and boss and knock off at a reasonable time, or just never get married. Why marry if you can not spend time together. The money issue is, of course, a problem. Most J women, I think, though I am not married to one (American), do just fine as long as they are the girlfriend. Once they get married, they often become devils. TOO many stories--men not allowed a beer, men told to come home by six, men being verbally abused, etc, etc. If you MUST marry a J woman, then let her have a decent income, and a good job. No money, no honey. Works both ways! As Charlie Parker says, No romance without finance! Once you have the above situation, and your money is your money, and my money is my money, then you can work on a real relationship. Otherwise, it is all about CONTROL, abuse, and misery. Just my two-bits as an ex-counselor.

  • 0

    seesaw

    Comment to Some wives wish their husbands would hurry up and drop dead

    Selfish human beings! They already spent their husbands' money to have a good life, gym, social club, golf, afternoon tea + bitchings with friends. Now they want their husbands to hurry up and drop dead...?

  • 0

    gogogo

    Why do they stay? Just dump the husband and take 50% of the money since that law came into pass.

  • 0

    vulcan

    Once the kids are raised.. mans value decreases quite a bit.

  • 0

    jtuzr

    Curious how women's opinions would change if husbands spent more time helping to raise the children... Any comments ladies?

  • 0

    notgoinganywher

    pre-nup, mistresses, no kids. Then retire and leave her.

  • 0

    womanforwomen

    jtuzr, in raising children, the roles played by father and mother are different. And both components are needed for the upbringing of a child.

    Marriage has lost its meaning today I think.It looks like it is making more trouble for the two people concerned.Quite scary though, to think that one wishes death of the partner with whom you have shared so much of yourself.

  • 0

    dolphingirl

    The roles are only different because society has made them that way. If husbands were expected to participate more, or even equally, in the raising of their children, these roles would begin to blur and perhaps disappear.

    Also Japanese women's criteria for a husband would change. Up until now, some have just married a man who has a good income, a stable job, decent looking and reasonably intelligent. But knowing that a husband could spend evenings and weekends with her and the kids, she would have to be a lot more selective when choosing her partner. Men, too, would be more picky about their choice for a mate.

    As it stands now, in many cases in Japan, marriage is more of a business contract than anything else. When roles become more flexible here, we will see people entering into marriage with the feeling that this is a relationship and an equal partnership where both people contribute to raising the kids and also to the family's income.

  • 0

    m6bob

    They say modern life is biased towards the men & women have to fight for their rights. What a sad life it is if after slogging away at their jobs to bring home the 'buta niku', when its time to retire, the wives would react this way. And the reason the wives give? " Oh, you were always at work & drinking with your boss & colleagues, I had to bring up the kids myself yada yada.." Can you bring up kids without any money? Was that not playing my part? How did the bills for her shopping & onsen & tea with other wives get paid? I think such Japanese wives should learn something from the wives of other culture, especially the developing Asian countries which Japan look DOWN upon. Asia has much to teach you, don't forget the true spirit of Yamato-Nadeshiko.

  • 0

    Bazza

    notgoinganywhere:

    What's the point of getting married then?

  • 0

    hellhound

    Some wives wish their husbands would hurry up and drop dead: LOL

  • 0

    onewrldoneppl

    the older, japanese woman ... like many of her western counterparts ... is a cold-blooded snake. put clothes on their backs, food in their bellies and roofs over their heads and your reward will be death-wishes.

  • 0

    onewrldoneppl

    seesaw at 10:25 PM JST - 27th February

    Comment to Some wives wish their husbands would hurry up and drop dead

    Selfish human beings! They already spent their husbands' money to have a good life, gym, social club, golf, afternoon tea + bitchings with friends. Now they want their husbands to hurry up and drop dead...?

    you can say that again!

  • 0

    Lowly

    you have until you die to live your life. it&s what you make of it. What you cant see, and sneaks up on you over the years, bitterness, lack of love, blaming, despite thinking things are ok, thats your own fault. Like the tiger that sneaks up on you in the woods. Its your own responsibility to watch out for it, if you dont want to get et.

    Walk blithely, get et, well, I hope you had a good walk.

  • 0

    Lowly

    I dont know why that post went all italics on me. Not intending to say that sneeringly or anything.

  • 0

    MapleG

    Come on now. What a one sided article.

    I am sure there are quite a few husbands who would be happier if their wives "dropped dead".

  • 0

    OgieDoggie

    I don't think that Japan has the monopoly on wives who want their husbands to drop dead this minute! I believe this to be a world wide epidemic. Where's the World Health Org when you need them? Or is this part of Global Warming?????

  • 0

    brotokyo

    Interesting how there is no author's name attached to this article

    Moderator: It's from Shukan Gendai magazine.

  • 0

    perspective

    I called this article asinine in my initial response because they're drawing a bunch of conclusions from just a few people surveyed. HOWEVER...

    What I will never understand is the Japanese people's acceptance of abuse or control over their lives and their government's unwillingness to do much of anything to improve the lives of its citizens. Take this "custom" of working crazy hours (often with no extra pay) and then being "required" to go out drinking with the boss and co-workers - why can't the Japanese government offer protection from being canned to men who WANT to spend time with their families? Of course, there ARE men who like the current system because, as someone pointed out, marriage is quite often just a business arrangement here and people with little or no love between them get married anyway. But I would imagine that quite a few men would like to spend time with their wives and see their kids grow up and be involved in their lives beyond a few hours on Saturday and Sunday; although that often doesn't happen because the husband is "required" to play golf and the kids "required" to participate at school sponsored activities.

    For those of you who criticize the wife for feeling this way - wouldn't you feel the same about spending your life in what amounts to something between single parenthood and indentured servitude for someone you hardly ever see? Although again, why aren't the wives trying to do something to change their society other than the younger generation refusing to get married?

  • 0

    fishy

    brotokyo - no author's name -- it's Shukan Gendai, they are not reliable at all, they'd write anything that could catch people's attention, so much gossip and exaggeration!!

    yay for Cleo!! happy marriage, happy couple and happy family :) i see so many complains on this forum and it is nice to hear happy stories.

  • 0

    ronaldk

    There are many good comments here, but this article begs the question of whether this phenomenon of hating the working spouse is prevalent in gay couples as well. Or, is the working gay spouse better received at home upon return after a hard day at the office.

  • 0

    masterkun05

    Isnt that a bit like biting the hand that feeds you. Where is the appreciation these men deserve for all thier hard work that goes towards supporting the family. Yes the family. Not fast cars, wine and women. The problem is little value or status is placed on the wonderful work women do at home. Western and modern society does its best to ridicule and devalue it. In the end women at home feel neglected and useless when in fact they are the backbone of society.

  • 0

    dolphingirl

    Another sad thing about situations like these is all the kids who hardly ever saw their father when they were growing up. Children with an absent or neglectful father can grow up with some psychological issues.

    As lowly pointed out, we are all responsible for our own lives. You can't blame your spouse or the people around you for the choices and mistakes you have made.

    masterkun: Yup. Showing appreciation to your partner often is key to a good marriage. Lots of "Thank you's" really makes a difference! It shows that you recognize your partner's hard work, inside the house or out, and that you respect him/her.

  • 0

    masterkun05

    @ Dolpin girl.......well I always knew. The mother is the most important person for a child. But after about 3 0r 4 . Daddy starts to play. He becomes an well.........equal person.

  • 0

    goddog

    dolphin, I showed respect and an open bank account to my ten year younger bijin wife, and wow, what respect I got. Money stolen, kids repeating hate phrases, and a bunch of bull. "It is not your money!" was screamed at me the last time I checked the bank account and questioned it. And, becaue I was told I am too stupid to do any banking taxes, ammending taxes, taking a taxi etc. on and on, I moved my pay to a new venue, cut off all access and said,....hey, I really am dumb. Fluent in JP but dumb. Chicks here got to stop leaching on their men and treat them nicely.

  • 0

    goddog

    oh yeah. I showed my passport and said, um do u remember that I am not nippon jin? Want to meet me at the airport for a sayaonara goddog good byeeeeee bye?

  • 0

    Fadamor

    @Lowly, it looks like the parser was taking your apostrophe pairs and interpreting them as italic delimiters. It's odd because a few days ago it was doing the same thing for me with underscores. (As a test, here's a second apostrophe to see if it does it to me too)

    Ditto on what Lowly said above. While the Japanese work ethic may be to "give your all" to the company, you can't do so at the expense of your family. Being able to keep money in the bank account is meaningless if the ones you're doing it for hardly ever get to see you.

  • 0

    Fadamor

    Nope, no italics. You're on your own, Lowly. :-)

  • 0

    Lowly

    masterkun-

    sorry it&s more like biting the hand that fed you. when you&re an animal and you bite the hand that feeds you then you&re left out in the cold so you should be careful about not biting that important hand. That&s what that means, not like be nice to ppl b/c that&s what&s expected or correct. In this case the old guy can&t live w/o his wife and his paycheck is shrunk if he&s on retirement so there&s no real harm in biting the hand. Also laws these days mean women can live on their own and get money from their husbands. If there&s love between them, then that will keep them going, but if not, they were using each other all along, and that&s (emptiness and desperation) what greets you at the end of that road.

    fadamor

    thx, I figured it out. I dropped tea on my keyboard and bought a new one and I can&t find an apostrophe on the new one-- it&s there but comes out as &, so I was using star* instead b/c it looked better, but it made italics.

  • 0

    jtuzr

    @womanforwomen -

    Thanks for the feedback. I agree, the respective roles of the parents are supposed to compliment each other. Without the father's attention, children lose out. Mothers are usually pretty good about being there for the kids.

    My biggest worry is being hated by my own kids. Wife is bad enough.

    Hmmm, what's the solution?...

  • 0

    Beto1972

    Japanese gentlemen, the way it was in the past (Edo, Meiji, Showa) nothing change, different style that now with the Globalization turn up the difference between western and Japan culture gaps, Wives did not have the same feeling 100 years ago? I guess yes and no depending on the point of view. American and European are better? or just a difference on what Japanese men prioritize ... for sure I can say look after your family before the company.

  • 0

    antsjnr76

    And yet there are others who have lost their spouse through natural causes or accidents and wonder how to continue on without their other half. It depends on the situation. Society has to take some of the blame for making husbands work such long hours. Husbands need to be more caring and understanding of their wives, and if wives don't like the way things are then they need to speak out and let their husbands know how they are feeling.

  • 0

    ForeignKiri

    This is too funny. Aparently the "system" has been creeping around for a long time and has finally been discovered through marriage. People are designed to work in Japan...thats the primary source of their life. If women can't see that through their own profession or of the friends in people they know, then obviously they're superfically duped into believing in a happily ever after fairytale. But thats how it goes: You live to work not work to live.

  • 0

    Nessie

    “Die,” she shouted. “Just die!”

    She should have said "Die, please." Because good manners cost nothing.

  • 0

    stirfry

    i would guess the feeling is mutual

  • 0

    tranel

    Well.... that's what you get when you sacrifice the happiness of your loved ones for the happiness of your boss. Japanese men, I have the greatest of respect for you and your values, but please wake up—your wife and child(ren) are more important than your company. Showing loyalty to companies that do not care about your stability at home is just folly.

  • 0

    p2r3i

    nothing will change.Machoism dies hard.

  • 0

    Youdontknow

    The only reason these ungrateful women stay with their husbands who have given up their lives for them, is for the retirement money. I once met a guy and his son at a yattai stall, and the guy looked completely shocked and red-eyed. I asked his son what was wrong and he told me that very day his father had retired, and after almost 40 years of marriage, his wife divorced him and petitioned for 50% of all his savings and pension money (perfectly legal here in Japan). One can only hope there's some form of punishment in the afterlife for these greed ridden life-wasters.

    If they had any sense of decency, they'd just go here: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/asia/japan/7350006/Japanese-women-flush-divorce-desires-down-the-temple-toilet.html

  • 0

    dolphingirl

    Youdon'tknow: Sure, maybe there are some greedy wives out there but the men in these situations must have some clue somewhere in their mind that the marriage is not working out and the wife isn't happy, don't you think? And besides, if this woman raised his children, took care of the house, cleaning and cooking for 40 years, doesn't she deserve 50% of that money?

  • 0

    bobbafett

    My domestic wife had the issue with her ex-husband never coming home due to work and socializing. While she never imagined to kill the guy, she divorced his selfish ass rather smartly after the birth of their baby when he started using all his pay cheque at hostess clubs.

    A prerequisite for our relationship was that I am not a work-a-holic and that we share living costs. The fridge always has a couple of cold ones ready to go and we are very compatible together. She is an independent worker too.

    My ex-wife was a kawaii girl I met overseas and knocked up a bit quick who turned into one of those types as above who walk about the face of the earth with a sense of entitlement to everything and then wish you would drop dead so they can collect your life insurance and chase teenage boys or gaijins around.

    If my exwife could have killed me, she would have as I never satisfied her sense of entitlement or took a backwards step to her rabid nature when she could not get what she wanted i.e full control of my bank accounts, credit cards, offshore holdings and investments.

    We get along well now though as I do not skimp on child support and look after our kid well. Also I canned the life insurance as an extra incentive to stay alive.

  • 0

    lovejapan21

    men especially japanese men deserve what they get. all they do is cheat and not come home. they are not really busy at work. they just rather be out at an opai bar or snak bar or wherever girls are becuse they married a girl that they werent attracted to or even loved but just for compatability and satisfying thier parents..for the 10% that married those loser "hot" girls that walk around like they deserve to be pampered cause theyre hot, they deserve what they get as well for not foreseeing the future with such an airbubble! Women deserve what they get for knowing clearly what they are getting into (men such as what i mentioned) but do so anyway out of desperation and pressure from parents/society.

  • 0

    Makkun70

    Bravo lovejapan21, unfortunately I fall into one of the categories you mention..

  • 0

    NuckinFutz

    I can assure you ladies there are a number of husbands who feel exactly the same about you! If you're husbands are heading to the hostess clubs and staying out all night maybe you should take a good hard look in the mirror before blaming them!

  • 0

    antsjnr76

    Society is to blame where the men are expected to work those stupidly long hours. Yes some men go to bars etc but surely not all. Is that why more and more Japanese women are marrying foreigners?

  • 0

    kp123

    Japanese culture, let's face it, isn't conducive to spousal romance. Both of them literally live separate lives before retirement. The romance has long disappeared by that time. However, if they live outside Japan such as the US it's entirely a different story. I remember I was invited to an afternoon party in Chicago where several Japanese husbands and wives were invited. As we left, my Japanese friend of a large Japanese corporation and his wife were following me in their car. At a stop sign, I looked in the rear view mirror and was pleasantly surprised to see them kissing and hugging each other. They were a happy couple with children to boot.

  • 0

    AzabuSamurai

    some japanese wives encourage their husbands to visit pink clubs. they don't want to know details about it nor do they want them to have an affair but its ok if they pay for it.

    Other Japanese wives keep a tight rope of control on their husbands which often has the opposite intended effect.

    Then there are the few Japanese wives who have a balance of family support belief, work ethic, partnership and love. Of course, they need to be treated with respect by their husband for her to maintain the beauty.

  • 0

    kujiranikusuki

    i love this line: many husbands like Yoji, who simply don’t have a clue. Most of my high school students don't know what UK stands for, or eating fish, smoking or drinking when you are pregnant is bad. They don't know you should put your child in a car seat. They don't know to stop at red lights!!!! a good % of this country seems to not have a clue. I think its the nature of a group society like this. Well... It has its benefits, but a decreasing loveless population is not one of them. zanen.

  • 0

    tclh

    I think if J husbands take their wives to company parties or "drink after work" often , their marriages could be much happier and their wives may not wish for husbands deaths that much anymore. Wives are people ,they need fun ,joy ,good times as well, not just being stuck at home and houseworks.

  • 0

    dolphingirl

    tclh: To a married woman and homemaker, the idea of drinking with her husband and his coworkers is probably very unattractive. Husbands need to be at home after work! Spending quality time with their wives and children, nurturing their relationships and giving their wife a chance to have some time to herself too.

    And another thought after hearing about such horrible cases or child abuse lately: If a couple does not show love and affection to each other and both have repressed anger, how healthy can that home environment be for the kids? Seeing parents who are emotionally distant, passive and filled with hate..well, kids are bound to pick up on all this negativity. And how many angry husbands and wives are taking out that anger on their children through abuse?

  • 0

    brotokyo

    kp123: "... in Chicago" What, no hostess clubs there?

  • 0

    tclh

    dolphingirl: J men always love to enjoy " drink after work", if they take their wives with them now and then (depend on circumstances of course), they can enjoy socialising with each other. That idea originated from living experiences with Japanese families before and after watching quite a few J dramas. Even when J wives tell their husbands "omae nanka ,shine!" ,they don't REALLY mean it.

  • 0

    dolphingirl

    tchl: I don't think you can say that all Japanese men always love drinking after work. However, many probably do feel obligated to go for drinks with their boss, clients or coworkers. I suppose some Jmen are so used to this lifestyle that they can't imagine any other way. But there are at least some(perhaps many) Japanese men who would like to finish work at a normal time and spend their evenings with their wives or enjoying other hobbies & interests.

    Why do you assume that a wife would enjoy drinking with her husband and his boss/coworkers? I have met some of my husband's business partners & clients and they are nice but I don't really want to spend my whole night drinking with them. I have my own friends to socialize with.

    Business and pleasure should generally be separated. If a you like your coworker and want to go drinking with them, great! But a man shouldn't be doing this every night out of obligation to his company. What about his obligation to his family: his wife & kids?!

  • 0

    tclh

    dolphingirl: I only limit my discussion to old traditional japanese family, in which husband's work is his life ,wife stays home looking after home, children, cooking for the family. To be able to keep his job and climb social ladder, the husband need not only work hard,work well but also loyal to his company ,please his boss, compete peacefully with his mates..."drink after work" becomes important part of his job. So now and then, if the husband takes his wife to "the drink" to socialise with other wives ,that will help to give some excitement into her life.

    But I do hope J society will change and reduce working hour,obligations for husband , help woman to get job even after marriage and having children.

  • 0

    PearlsGrace

    @_@ Wow... People reacts to remind each other no to take them for granted, but this is just BIZZARE!

    but I wonder if there are the same case toward their mother in law :P

  • 0

    Smitty

    I am married to a Japanese woman, I have worked hard for our entire marrage while she has worked six years of it. We probably feel the same about each other...wishing for an early death. There is no romance left and we lead separate lives; however, we have never cheated on one another, I don't drink or go out parting. We have some respect for each other as she is the mother of my child and has raised her 75% of her life. Her respect for me is I bring the money home. Japanese men for the most part do work hard but a lot of them also party hard too. I have found through the years that many Japanese wives are hard to deal with and always right. Disgruntled Husband

  • 0

    cleo

    I have worked hard for our entire marrage while she has worked six years of it. ..... she is the mother of my child and has raised her 75% of her life.

    And everyone knows raising a child isn't hard work at all. No wonder there's no romance left.

  • 0

    Smitty

    Okay reword...kid leaves for school and I to work...she's back to bed, later put some laundry in the washing machine push a button and sit watching TV. Kid comes home does homework, showers; dad comes home bringing dinner several times a week. I understand raising children is difficult when they're young but they grow and leave. The kid is gone I'm still working and she's still watching TV all day. Marrage is give & take, 50/50, in it together to the end. Just wishing for the end earlier than most; not much different then those wives other than me or her doesn't matter who goes first. For you readers I know you are pointing at me.

  • 0

    marialenit

    Sometimes pay checks and food isn'nt just enough for us women.We need hug, kisses,rumbling and rolling upside down in bed with our man.What is so weary to think of is a man who comes home always dead tired and off to sleep and when he wakes up he is ready for work.What percentage are we women in a mans heart?

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