Work prospects bleak for 'arafifu' men; sex prospects better

“Arafo” women—women of “around 40” (the neologism took root last year)—are doing just fine, thank you, leading lives that are the stuff of envy and TV dramas. But Shukan Asahi (May 1) trains its scope on “arafifu” men—men of around 50—to find the picture, if not quite bleak, certainly less scintillating.

Money, sex and career, not necessarily in that order, are the issues that weigh most heavily. “I’m 48 years old and I can barely afford lunch at McDonald’s!” sighs a printing company employee. Owing partly to what the prime minister has dubbed “the worst recession in 100 years,” partly to a Japanese custom which has the wife taking charge of the family income and doling out a monthly allowance to the husband, this man’s lunch budget is 500 yen a day. It was never substantially higher, but the approach of 50 seems a time for heightened sensitivity to little indignities that once went unnoticed.

While he and legions of others like him swallow their pride and belly up to train station stand-up noodle counters, a certain restaurant in Tokyo’s upscale Ginza neighborhood is booked months in advance, its minimum luncheon fare several thousand yen. Look in any time around lunch hour and it’s packed—not with businessmen, Shukan Asahi notes wryly, but with “arafo” women.

“Beginning this month,” the disgruntled printing company employee continues, “they’re making us pay out of our own pockets for business calls we make on our cell phones. That hasn’t netted me an increased allowance [from my wife], so I have to tighten my belt even more. What can I do? My daughter’s preparing for junior high school entrance exams. I can’t very well take her out of juku (cram school), can I?”

He sighs. “Twenty-five years of work, and this is where it’s got me!”

One naturally asks oneself at 50: Has it all been worth it? At 30, even 40, all the effort can be justified by future goals, vague but, seemingly at least, real. At 50, all too often, the end is in sight, but not the goals. “You start to see that your prospects are limited,” a 51-year-old salesman tells Shukan Asahi. “I want to give my kids a bit of a leg up in life, but education is so expensive. So I don’t think about limits and just work like the devil. I know I’ll never be a director, but maybe the chance of my making company executive isn’t quite zero. It’s all so futile,” he sums up ruefully.

Less so, it is pleasant to report, is life on the sexual front. True, marital sex tends to be dead or dying, but extramarital sex appears to be making up for it; of 50 “arafifu” men Shukan Asahi surveys, 32 report having girlfriends whom 90% of them encountered at work.

“Even when we were young,” says a 53-year-old hotel employee, “sex with my wife happened only a few times a year. Once we passed 40, it became ‘Olympic sex’”—suggesting not athleticism but radical infrequency. Marriage after a few decades is too stable, too domestic, for sex. “But if you have a girlfriend,” he continues, “you start to feel again that masculine drive, that urge to conquer.”

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cleo at 06:14 PM JST - 25th April

sometimes sacrifices must be made by both for the overall good of the union. If that means a man gets to have every once in awhile more than 500 yen a day for lunch of the wife gets to go and have her enjoyment at a nice dinner, both parties need to understand.

Then again the man could have his 500 yen lunches while the wife has 'fridge tidies' for lunch, and when there's a bit left over they can go out and enjoy a nice meal together.

In marriage they are both working hard, life is hard people, we should be supporting them ,not taking shots at them

Very well said.
grafton at 10:10 AM JST - 26th April

Sounds like some very sad marriages out there. Ours is a partnership, we have our money that we use as we need to, which ever of use earns makes no difference we know what we have to pay out & what is left over, when there is a need to be careful we both know that & are careful. “WE” seems to be the most important word missing from both the article & the posts.
mindovermatter at 11:43 AM JST - 26th April

I want to give my kids a bit of a leg up in life

Then they need real parents, and they need to leave the country right away, to study at some REAL university's outside of Japan, where they will actually learn something after they pass the entrance exam.

Don't wait, your children are already being "Dumbed Down" just spending a few mins a day with clowns like you.
cleo at 02:46 PM JST - 26th April

For most of them it's a decision they regret for the rest of their lives

Maybe it was for you.
likeitis at 03:46 PM JST - 26th April

500 yen is plenty of money for lunch. Just make your own darn lunch and put it in a lunchbox. If you cannot take 2500 yen to the grocery store and get enough stuff for 5 days lunch that is also more healthful than what you would buy at any restaurant, then you have simply not been raised properly. I say that because you should been raised to be able to do that yourself. Or, barring that, to at least to choose a spouse who could and would do it for you.
tokyocrawler at 04:18 PM JST - 26th April

oh yeah what happend to the "Aisai Bento"? the lunch box ur loving wife makes for you?...i learnt about that in basic japanese classes 20 years ago (woops, time flies!)

People seem to look on marriage as all doom and gloom. Thats an individual choice to make the most of whatever situation youre in.

If we are selfish and seek our happiness in our own needs then ,yes, we will be sad when in a marriage. If you look at your family as a way to extend your love and grow it, then no matter what job you do ,you will make a positive of life.

but yes, the young women these days seem to be very selfish and just wanting the benefits of a stable income...this is the comeback in human evolution to balance out times when the mans needs were catered for by a doting housewife. I welcome the next stage of cooperation and selflessness. Bring it on! (before i get married please)
cleo at 07:00 PM JST - 26th April

of course they're not going to admit to being unhappy to a potential mate - it would damage their chances.

If they're stuck in an unhappy marriage and regretting it, it sounds like they're already mucked up their chances.
cleo at 08:51 AM JST - 27th April

Sounds like you're saying men are stupid - you all know what marriage entails, you don't like it and yet you still get hitched.

Well, it's a personal choice every man and woman makes for themselves, and apart from the tiny handful of truly horrendous matches that should never have happened in the first place, anyone who gets married and then doesn't do everything they possibly can to make it work is a fool. Sitting moaning about how badly-done to they are doesn't help, either.
cleo at 01:04 PM JST - 27th April

Why would any couple who love each other chose to celebrate their love with a legally binding contract?

The tax breaks come in handy.

And you get to share the pension.
Nessie at 02:29 PM JST - 27th April

The tax breaks come in handy. And you get to share the pension.

Cleo, you hopeless romantic. ;)
Orangeporange at 06:59 AM JST - 28th April

>“WE” seems to be the most important word missing from both the article & the posts.

Well said! Marriages CAN work, it is really what you put into them. All these hours of working and spending no time with the family gets you what it gets you..distance, resentment, anger, frustration, and eventually nothing. I love my marriage, I love my husband, we work together. We are a team. We have conflicts, but who doesnt. Working through them is a part of growing up and becoming an adult. Too much childishness going on here.
Patrick Smash at 01:34 PM JST - 28th April

Notginger, almost every Japanese man I know has a miserable marriage. The women are awful most of the time. This idea of surrendering your entire salary to your wife and having to live off 500 yen a day is infantile. Only weak, pathetic men sign up for this and it leaves them in misery.
Brunobear at 08:05 PM JST - 29th April

I am 63. All my mates are the same age and happily married to the same girl after forty years or so. Plenty of fun in our lives with our kids and their spouses and our grandchildren. We spend a lot of our time with our families and always have. Family first. My wife has said if I want it on the side to go to a brothel - she wouldn't object if there is no attachment like with an office romance/affair. Not interested in any side games. My marriage and family are far to important to be a drunk/womaniser/gambler or any other vice or habit that detracts from the welfare of my extended family or would shame me with them or my community. I have a great life in Melbourne, particularly with AFL footy. A game the whole family loves and participates in as spectators, or players. It will not surprise you that my team is the Saints.
ca1ic0cat at 02:51 AM JST - 6th May

You are all married to the same girl after 40 years or so? Pardon me, but are you all married to her at the same time or are you taking turns?

Your wife's idea of a brothel is probably a good one. You don't pay a woman for sex, you pay them to leave! No competition to the marriage there. These pathetic salarymen should learn to go out and have a good time. At least demand enough money for a few beers!
Fadamor at 12:28 PM JST - 13th May

49 years old myself, so I can feel these guy's pain. Just wrapping up my first marriage now. Should be getting the final divorce papers in a few weeks. Sex disappeared after the first three weeks or so. I think I'm too tired to be chasing tail anymore, so once this is done I'll live the life of a eunich (why not? been doing it for the past two years or so.)

If you're not able to meet household expenses plus 500 yen/day, how the heck are you going to pay for a prostitute unless you make it an annual present to yourself from the loose change you save throughout the year?