10 things single Japanese women want from a man

TOKYO —

According to a study conducted by the National Institute of Population and Social Security Research, about half of unmarried women report that they are not dating anyone with any serious intent. Why are so many available ladies completely unattached? Could it be that they just don’t see the appeal of having a partner? Or conversely, maybe they are holding out for an unrealistic Prince Charming.

Goo Rankings decided to look into the issue and asked the single ladies what they would ideally want a boyfriend to do for them, if they had one. 

The answer most commonly given was, “He wouldn’t have to do anything in particular, just be there for me when I’m lonely.” On nights alone in our rooms or days off without any particular plans, we’ve all felt a sudden loneliness, so that’s hardly surprising.

The second most popular answer was, “When I’m tired or sad, I would want him to just take me in his arms without saying a word.” OK, now they’re asking for a little bit of mind reading, but still, if all you need is someone’s comforting presence, that’s not too high a demand.

Number three is “I would want him to take me to lots of nice places.” This one seems pretty normal too. With beautiful and romantic seasonal events like cherry blossom viewing in the spring and firework festivals in the summer always packed with couples, what single doesn’t wish for a partner on their arm?

From here on, the list gets a little more needy. Here are numbers four through 10:

4. I would want him to quietly and attentively listen to my complaints about daily life.
5. I would want him to take care of me when I get sick.
6. I would want him to sneak up behind me and suddenly give me a hug.
7. I would want him to play with my hair.
8. I would want him to cover me with a blanket when I fall asleep.
9. When we’re out and about, I would want him to hold my hand and walk close to me.
10. I would want him to arrange surprises for me.

Hmm, to each their own, I suppose, but if the number one thing you want from a partner is a blanket and some tissues when you get sick, you might want hire a nurse instead.

What do you think, readers? Does this list seem about right to you or like a case of bad expectations?

Source: Goo Rankings

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  • 33

    umbrella

    What a woman wants is 2 things. Someone who is good at making love to them and someone good at making money.

  • 1

    Serrano

    "I would want him to play with my hair"

    Her hair! What about her ears?

  • 12

    falseflagsteve

    Powder puff article designed to provoke an emotional response.

  • 1

    Theo Lubbe

    As a guy, I guess I must be an oddball for finding most of this reasonable...? The only two items that might be questionable are a desire to frequently be taken to do special things or see special places, since time and/or finances mightn't permit that, and having surprises arranged.

  • 4

    ben4short

    The striking absence of "has a great sense of humor" or "makes me laugh" speaks volumes about the Japanese. I think it's safe to guess that humor would rank within the top 3 or 4 on the list of most Western women.

  • 19

    choiwaruoyaji

    After getting married and having kids, number 4 will be the only one left on the list for most Japanese women.

  • 0

    Reckless

    Considering that our sensitive herbivore men could easiy satisfy the above list, and further considering how many women are unattached, I must deduce Watson that the ladies are lying!

    Number 4, however, is the nightmare for me. Call your Mother!

  • 6

    Mocheake

    That's what they say now. Wait until you get that ring on there.

  • 12

    Eric Jeffries

    True choiwaruoyaji. Japan ranks among worlds lowest in terms of conversation between married partners, according to Sekai Banzuke show at least.

  • 3

    Kimokekahuna Hawaii

    who were questioned.. teenagers? Why are people so afraid of being alone? Very insecure people.. if you are secure alone.. you will attract a companion and a friend who is a partner in life.. not just some support system like daddy. Who is paying for romantic walks and nice dinners out? It seems to be the wishes of a rich girl who has never had to worry about making money.. a job, a career.. children.. no wonder the birthrate is so low.. they all want some guy to carry their bags on trips to Hawaii.. once they do get money and security.. they want $20,000 bags.. and dont want kids and just want to have lunch with the girls to talk about nothing.. and make their husbands go off for 12 hours a day to work for them to buy $2,000 strollers ... shallow women raise shallow children.. and the society spins out of control.. so who needs a hug?

  • -1

    Kimokekahuna Hawaii

    and notice that doing something for their man.. is nowhere on the list.. there is no giving thought.. how about the affection of a man .. how about a strong man with a sense of family, honesty, honor and kindness.. what about someone who appreciate your cooking, lovemaking, sense of humor.. someone who wants family and is liked by your family.. and the most important thing is someone who makes lots and lots of money and lets you do what you want all day long.....

  • 8

    Triumvere

    and notice that doing something for their man.. is nowhere on the list..

    You mean this list?

    10 things single Japanese women want from a man

  • 1

    Steve Christian

    1. I would want him to sneak up behind me and suddenly give me a hug.

    Sounds like an invitation to confusion Some guys are not quite sure when they have made it into the boyfriend zone yet. For that matter, some women may be more picky about those relationship details than others.

    A big problem with these lists is that while an answer may make it to the top ten, it may only represent 70 percent of women or so. There are different types of women, and for the minority, some of these may be positively the WRONG thing to do.

  • 8

    Surf O'Holic

    Ha! The elephant in the room says #1 is Financial Security.

  • 17

    tkoind2

    I am surprised that the things my wife and I share as our top points are not here.

    • We are partners, we work life out together, share opinions and the load of making our way through life.

    • We are comfortable with each other and can just be ourselves with each other.

    • We trust each other and know that we will be there for each other in a pinch.

    • We make each other laugh. Goofy fun and a good laugh can fix just about anything ladies.

    • And do not underestimate the power of random living room dancing. Stressful day, turn on some music and go nuts. This started spontaneously with us and has kept on going for a decade now. As silly as it may look or sound, it kills off stress and makes us both laugh and smile. You cannot undervalue the ability to make each other smile. If you can't make each other laugh and smile, give it up now you won't survive years together. Like the old Japanese saying "a pretty face will fade, a funny face will carry you for a lifetime." Strange how that truth has been lost on modern Japanese.

  • 3

    seesaw1

    Sounds not quite possible if the man is Japanese. I just want his love and loyalty and the relationship works well so far. I've learnt to live with the not so romantic love attention I was used to with Western men in the past...

  • -4

    FPSRussia

    1: Women: I want a free ride. Your money, not my money.
    2: Women: Convince me that I'm the only one even if its not real.
    3: Women: if I can get a big O now and then that would be great.
    4: Women: Repeat steps 1 - 3.

  • -5

    FPSRussia

    I've always had the best success with one simple strategy. Big O's with my finger, small O's for her finger.

  • 15

    GWhip

    According to this list the perfect man would be... well, a woman.

  • 3

    Ichiro20

    I think i would like to hear a Japanese woman's opinion about this first before I put my opinion. >.<

  • 4

    choiwaruoyaji

    The more I look at this list the more I think how zurui some Japanese women can be.

    They give these pure and innocent answers to some survey but the reality is totally different.

    I can guarantee that with many Japanese women if the man "did nothing in particular, and was just there for her when she's lonely" then he would be shown the door within weeks, if not days.

    What is required is a wallet with lots of cash to take her shopping, to nice restaurants and Tokyo Disneyland. Once that is all in place and to her satisfaction, THEN you also have to be there for her when she's lonely.

  • 3

    Steve Christian

    "Ha! The elephant in the room says #1 is Financial Security."

    Remember, they were asked about boyfriends, not husbands.

    And I see no reason why any woman should feel bad about this desire. Its women who do the child bearing and its usually them doing the bulk of the rearing as well. If they tend to choose men who can provide and tend to choose men who give the appearance of being able to provide, even if its looking at their clothes and car, well that is just natural selection at work. You and your kids cannot survive on love alone. You might say women know this instinctively.

  • 3

    Tamarama

    That's a great list - practical, easy and common sense. They are just nice touches in a relationship.

    I'd say that stacks up pretty well with what most women would say.

    If you have trouble with any of this stuff, you probably need to have a long hard look at yourself.

  • 1

    Vast Right-Wing Conspirator

    I'm not surprised at the lack of physical/xexual answers. Disheartened, but not surprised. My experience with youth in Japan has shown me that a huge number are virtually asexual. They are wrapped up in things that are cute and safe and non-threatening. Not in lust or beauty or attraction or pheromones. They live largely in fantasy worlds of their own making.

    There is an awkwardness between boys and girls that lasts far longer than in most other civilized countries. They still sit separately, even in university classes, unless forced to co-mingle. Very little actual 'dating' happens in the sense that I know it. Just hanging around together, playing with their various screens, or meeting groups of like minded peers.

    Youth is so wasted on the young...

  • 7

    Iwandabaka

    The list of what a man wants from a single Japanese woman is one tenth as long.

  • 4

    Ian Duncan

    I would want him to quietly and attentively listen to my complaints about daily life.

    Editor - I think the words "constant, whining" and "every single thing he does or fails to do to my ludicrous standards of satisfaction" have been missed out of the translation.

  • 2

    nandakandamanda

    I can see I need to apologize to my wife.

  • 1

    oberst

    As long as she doesn't complaine in that pseudo-kawaii squeaky voice, I think I can handle that.

  • 0

    cramp

    didn't read but i bet real response ...

    i want him to be rich

  • 2

    Elbuda Mexicano

    Japanese are ASEXUAL??? Hahahaha!! Some folk here do not KNOW the REAL Japan!! Every 2 kilometers there are LOVE HOTELS for those with MONEY and who can WAIT to get it on at a Rabuho, and I can go on and on and on...and FINANCIAL Security and GOOD in BED, does not have to be the same dude! So many women get rich OLD guys for HUSBANDS but let the hanky panky hubba hubba stuff for their YOUNGER sex partners, right??

  • 0

    Thunderbird2

    I can say that the above wants from Japanese women are pretty much what I have experienced... all except the surprises. For some reason my ex doesn't like gifts.

  • 3

    DudeDeuce

    What a woman wants is 2 things. **Someone who is good at making love to them **

    Yes, until you get married to them.

  • 1

    David Quintero Navarro

    @DudeDeuce, this is the IRONY of true married life for the Japanese and for many of us married to Japanese!! My guess this is where the LOVE HOTELS, brothels etc..help many J men and women make up for what is not happening at home?

  • 1

    Ali Khan

    walking tiredly from his factory after laboring all the day, having the hard and soar words of his boss in the mind, the salary day is still away but the pocket looks empty.

    come on girl what you want from this man?

  • 1

    San_Diegan

    This is such a BS article. It is a known fact, Women don't know what they really want! (sigh). You believe this Marlarkay and you will be wasting your time. I have they keys... and if you give me enough money, I will let you know what they are. And J-Women are so much more susceptible to it than western women too.... Oh my gosh! What a bunch of BS! Dudes! .... Argh! This makes my heart throb with frustration. Men of the World! Rise up! Take back your NutSack! Grab the club and go Wonk them on the Head (figuratively speaking)!

    Wonder what kind of Rag "Goo" is. Probably, something aimed at High-School aged people?

  • -2

    Francis Urquhart

    "I would want him to play with my hair"

    Her hair! What about her ears?

    Toes? Yummy!

  • 0

    Hiroicci

    "4. I would want him to quietly and attentively listen to my complaints about daily life."

    Then they don't listen to men when men ask the same of them.

  • 6

    Hiroicci

    My full retort:‎

    1. He wouldn’t have to do anything in particular, just be there for me when I’m lonely - then they accuse you of being useless later.
    2. When I’m tired or sad, I would want him to just take me in his arms without saying a word - then they say, "Leave me alone."
    3. I would want him to take me to lots of nice places - What nice places? Disney? No thanks.
    4. I would want him to quietly and attentively listen to my complaints about daily life - They don't if you ask the same of them.
    5. I would want him to take care of me when I get sick - How do accessory gifts work when they are sick???
    6. I would want him to sneak up behind me and suddenly give me a hug - This would piss them off as well.
    7. I would want him to play with my hair - "Oi, stop! How long do you think it took to finish this morning!"
    8. I would want him to cover me with a blanket when I fall asleep - "Why did you cover me completely? Did you think I was dead???"
    9. When we’re out and about, I would want him to hold my hand and walk close to me - They most likely push you away in summer...
    10. I would want him to arrange surprises for me - If you surprise the shit out of them, they get furious.
  • 1

    T-Mack

    True love is not something you put on a list, When it happens it's like a plant growing, with time it get's bigger and stronger, and it's fruit is having the most amazing feeling's for each other, and the other person is all you care about. If I were her I would want him to look at the heart, judge for himself if there is chemistry, enough to carry on the affair. Which sound's very nice if there's spark''s between each other....

  • 0

    Ebereson

    How about they would want him to be money making machine and know how to make love.

  • 1

    Francis Urquhart

    It would appear from the list that Japanese girls' wishes and requirements are really very simple and that they are easy to please. This simply is not true! If you marry one, you'll find out, as soon as that ring is on, she's very demanding, wants your money, demands that you conform to herself and her family, and is liable to snatch your kids away if things don't suit her, and you have no way of getting them back.

    Date them if you want, but don't marry one!

  • 3

    falseflagsteve

    @Francis

    not a good idea to stereotype all women from a country as the same.My wife has none of those traits you mention.

  • 3

    OrangeXenon54

    How about "I would want him to share some common interests and values with me so that we're compatible"? Oh wait, that's too much to ask for, isn't it?

  • 0

    Riceland

    I believe that every woman young or old deserve the man they want. My wish is for all women nihon onna tachi and others would have a man that is not sexist, violent, egoist, and is not single minded. That they would cherise them and the children if they have them and support their dreams and their children.

  • -2

    Francis Urquhart

    not a good idea to stereotype all women from a country as the same.My wife has none of those traits you mention.

    Not until she tires of you, or some fit or other hits the shan. Then you'll see a different wifey.

    I've had nothing but bad experiences with Japanese women, They are like sirens that cause ships to crash upon the rocks. Their pretty faces, feminine charms and apparent modesty (the traits western men find so attractive and yet devoid in the outspoken, Doc-Martin-wearing, assertive western women) turn our heads and lead us like moths into the flames.

    If you do as she says, and expects, you'll be fine.

  • 0

    kcjapan

    "half of unmarried women report that they are not dating anyone with any serious intent" - Serious intent would seem to mean a life partner i.e.: marriage. Instead of indicating neediness or unrealistic expectations, what this statistic suggests is men aren't necessary.

  • 2

    Morry

    Jeez, you should deal with Thai or Chinese women.... THEY are the money-grabbers.

  • 2

    Patric Spohn

    Healthy sex life? Until you get married? No. Until a man completed "its" mission to make offspring.

  • 1

    kurisupisu

    In a love hotel with my last girlfriend, she'd come out with 'don't touch me' - yes they are confused alright.....

  • 3

    Beer_my_true_love

    I concur with all the negative posts, after 16 years of marriage to my beautiful Japanese wife I can state with confidence she only married me for my ability to make money, kids and a chance to leave Japan. She can be so selfish at times I despair then acts all sweet and innocent around others, constantly bitches, makes the kids life a misery with her Asian tiger behaviour. I find solace with my mates also who married these lovely girls who all changed after baby number 2 dropped and we became surplus to requirements. One mate has it normal but in my experience it's not the norm buyer beware. Cash and Babies is what they really want and never having to do a stroke of work.

  • 0

    Neo_Rio

    I'm always confused by these lists. Is this "10 things she wants from a man" who she has passionate sex with, or the things from a man that she expects to be a provider to her. Women put these two types of men into different mental categories and treat each of them completely differently.

    Cash and Babies is what they really want and never having to do a stroke of work.

    There's a book about that, called "The Manipulated Man" which you can find on Amazon.

    The unfortunate thing with relationships is that both people enter them for purely selfish reasons anyway. You might have found yourself giving your partner more than you were really prepared to give through pressure applied on you, and are now feeling ripped off.

    Knowing that now, what's one the one female need that matches one of your needs that you have no problem giving them an endless supply of? When you answer that question, make sure that it's the ONLY thing you give them, then watch how your self-esteem comes back, and how relationships become that much more manageable. ;)

  • 2

    cleo

    Babies is what they really want and never having to do a stroke of work.

    Those two wants are mutually exclusive.

  • 0

    Beer_my_true_love

    Sounds wise words will have a think and check out that book.

  • 2

    falseflagsteve

    @Francis

    I have been with my good lady wife since 1990 and we married in 1997 in Japan. She has never acted all sweet and innocent and has always made as much effort, maybe more than myself to make the relationship work.

    Problem with many western men who marry Japanese is that they are marrying what they imagine a Japanese woman to be not with reality. All marriages take work, usually the western man will not live up to the standards expected , most i have met here cheat and have pre teen like toilet humour attributes.

  • 0

    Francis Urquhart

    Great, falseflagsteve, if you're happy then I'm happy for you. Maybe you are the exception that proves the rule.

    All I can say is that my experiences have been extremely negative. I find them shallow and dishonest. Oh the lying! I'd think it was just me if I didn't know so many men who are unhappy with their Japanese spouses.

    First they want your English, then they want your ring, then they want your money and then they want your kids...or rather their kids. After that, you're just in the way.

    I hate the ones who just want to use you for eikaiwa!

  • 0

    Francis Urquhart

    ...and if you're really lucky, she'll clean you out, spirit your kids away back to Japan, refuse to let you see them, turn them against you and turn them completely Japanese.

    Yes, this happens!

  • 0

    Gloryjean Salvacion

    Me I have foreigner husband can't make money in sad takes only visa and wants to run

  • 0

    AKBfan

    We are seeing a lot of this stuff in JT lately. Most of it seems a bit lame, frankly.

  • 0

    AKBfan

    Beer and Bagheer. Is this bad experience of Japanese wife only true once you marry them. were they sweet and different before marriage? Before babies? Or just a question of degree?

  • 3

    Beer_my_true_love

    My experience and my comrades in Japanese brides was after baby no.1 it all changed, their was a brief bit of interest to secure baby no.2, then game over. As I said one mate has a normal relationship with his Mrs, but for the rest of us it's like all our wives behave the same. I suppose we don't live upto their expectations but the lack of affection even towards the kids amazes me. It's all push push push. Guess it's time to fight back...in a non destructive way. Marriage is tough and I'mno quitter but it's depressing she can do no wrong in her mind, all issues are mine, never hers. Daughter doesn't like her and my boy calls her the beast LOL. Anyhow l'm just on a rant at the moment as she's made the daughter so depressed school phoned up last week to call us in ans say she needs counselling as the mother has made her so anxious about her academic achievements. That's my Lot, hey it was great first 5 years just don't have kids.

  • 0

    oberst

    Thank you , mates, for the warnings. I'll just have " mutual " fun with the J ladies then.
    By the way, is it against the law in Japan to " pretend " you'll marry them eventually ?

  • 1

    bogva

    Yep, the article is for before the mariage relations for sure ! +1 for Beermytrue_love - with small variations same experience :(

  • 1

    gmann

    after some in depth research I have come up with the "actual" list of the 10 things. It is the same in most any country money money money money money money money money money money money money money money there is more than 10 actually as it is never enough for them. blah blah blah about what they want. they only want one thing $$$$$$$$$$.

  • 1

    gmann

    here is the list of 10 things they should get: F F F F F F F F F F F F F

    there are a couple additional F's as they should get F'd a few times after that then you want to hit the road. I agree with the negative posts here. I married a Jap woman and have two beautiful kids which are with me in the US now after a big pain in the ass. She was a lazy self centered woman with no ambition other than shopping and watching Korean soap operas then projecting it into our lives. I had to support her lazy family in Japan though they were all very nice to me but that only goes so far. I would probably be nice to a philanthropist that sent me money with NSA. My own fault for allowing it but that is over now and I dont have regrets but I do have experience. She got the paid for condo in Japan and it was worth it so she can live without rent and can just work for food. I am glad for that and she deserves it for being a good mother but that is the end of it. Sent her back to Japland and am living happily ever after. she can see the kids anytime she wants. that is why they invented skype. she was a gold digging lazy ass hot head. she was good to the kids and loyal to family but just wouldn't lift a finger other than cooking. fortunately I am a great cook so she is missed only as a mother and I wish her the best and wil remain her friend but I dont trust her enough to send kids for a visit.

  • 1

    gmann

    and yes before married we went to the beach, stayed suntanned and in the gym, traveled, hiked, went for bike rides went out and had fun etc. as soon as we got married she never saw the sun again, lifted a weight or did a single sit up. it was a ruse to get one thing. security. cant blame her but time is up and now moving on to a free life without baggage. its all good.

  • 1

    Neo_Rio

    Of course, all marriages require work!

    If you don't go to work and bring home a paycheck for your wife to spend, there goes your marriage!

  • 0

    Kirk Conway

    woooow the ten things that a japanese woman would want? is exactly what i want in a woman, and more of the same thing, over here that stuff is not too much, or ones with a frigid attitude, if i had a lady like the article is talking about,,,IE oriental woman? me being an american white man? Id do that to them and more. that blows anything away over here. period, Id be crazy not to want that and on a daily basis.

  • 0

    James Rassel

    This is a very important and serious for a man. Girls are very sensitive, lovely and sweet. The mind of a man and a woman are completely different.

  • 0

    Billy Jack

    As beautiful as Japanese women are, (the most beautiful in my opinion), they are still women and have the same needs as every other woman unless they are from some other planet. So no matter what culture a woman has grown up with in a relationship people change. I know most Asian women do not share the same humor as Westerners and that's fine but you have to understand that if you are seeking a Japanese or any Asian woman, which I am, you can work through that afterwards.

    I always have preferred Asian women because I think they are as perfect as you can get in a woman physically and mentally. However I don't ever expect to meet a Japanese woman because it is extremely difficult. I know most Asian women do not like American men or white men for that fact, oh well I can dream, at least I have that left.

  • 0

    Maki Ozawa

    I am still doubting that "Is the research true???" Because these answers are not common with like Japanese women. I never, never hear someone say these answer in here.

    No1, “He wouldn’t have to do anything in particular..."  I say "No way ( ゚∀゚)・∵`" No2, " “When I’m tired or sad, I would want him to just take me in his arms without saying a word.” .... well... why he CAN'T say anything? And I think it's sounds strange why who has to make sure "don't talk"?? I think it's always depends with the situation who wants to talk or not, and if a woman doesn't want to talk, then, who just say to the partner, "I'm sorry, I have a not good mood now" or something like that.

    1. I would want him to quietly and attentively listen to my complaints about daily life. (Oh.....usually, I think..... it's a woman's chats...... I don't say anything to even guy friends, my complaints.....)
    2. I would want him to take care of me when I get sick. (.........well....)
    3. I would want him to sneak up behind me and suddenly give me a hug. (..............I am looking for something words but I couldn't.)
    4. I would want him to play with my hair. (............So....I rather play with his hair. I can't believe Japanese women say like this. Because it's important for us about fashion. We care about hair style almost all Japanese females. Because we'd like to pretty for ONE, always.)
    5. I would want him to cover me with a blanket when I fall asleep. (.......... What's up this woman who answered...?)
    6. When we’re out and about, I would want him to hold my hand and walk close to me. (........ )
    7. I would want him to arrange surprises for me. (Thank you for making me surprised from your answer now. )

    Hmmm... I still can't believe it was Japanese females answered them....... ^-^;

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