14.8% of Japanese housewives claim to have committed adultery

TOKYO —

Japanese daytime drama “Shiawase no jikan” (Tokai TV) or “Time of Happiness” in English, has become notorious for setting hearts a-racing and palms a-sweating with to its saucy depiction of extramarital liaisons. In this drama, both sexes find themselves, in someway or another, indulging in illicit flings, with most of the affairs getting, shall we say “messy,” fairly quickly.

As far as dramas go, adultery or some form of sexual depiction is a secure way to increase the viewing ratings, but what about the marital situation of the “real” Japanese housewives out there? A recent poll has the answers.

Japanese housewives were asked the following question:

“After making your marital vows, have you had sexual relations with anyone other than your husband?”

In response to which 14.8% replied “yes”, 85.2% “no.”

Dr Iwasaki, psychiatrist and director of the Iwasaki Mental Clinic, shed a little light on the possible reason why so few might reply “yes” to this question.

“For most housewives, having a fling is not an easy task: it would seem that most mothers are either busy meeting their female friends or finding an emotional release in a hobby or a new learning skill.”

In this connection, Dr Iwasaki also added some rather intriguing information about the mechanics of a fling:

“The actual amount of conversation or sex that goes on between husband and wife has no relation on whether or not the partner is likely to commit adultery.”

Of the 14.8% of housewives who confessed to having an affair, 60.8% admitted having liaisons with 2-5 partners, 36.5% said they had taken just one lover, and 2.5% admitted to having had affairs with an unbelievable 6-10 partners!

Mr Kameyama, an expert in marital relations, adds his own thoughts on the possible reason why, of the 14.8% who admitted to an affair, the numbers of partners they take should be so high:

“Admittedly, 2-5 partners is quite a lot but perhaps one of the biggest factors underlying all of this is that once someone has committed adultery, the psychological hurdle to commit the same act again drops significantly. What makes the situation worse is the deliberate replacement of “adultery” with lighter phrases like “extra-marital love” (“kongai-renai” in Japanese). This serves to diffuse feelings of guilt, something which appears to be in vogue at the present time.”

Members of the public who had engaged in affairs were quizzed as to how long their extramarital activities lasted. A staggering 48.6% answered “three years or more”, 20.3% claimed “less than a year and a half”, while 10.8% admitted to being adulterous for less than one month. Finally, 6.8% of the public said that their affair had lasted 6-12 months.

“When both of the parties indulging in a fling happen to be existing married couples, the presence of the family and children becomes a very delicate issue. On one hand you have these very real sexual desires, but the burden of potentially destroying the family is undoubtedly devastating. Consequentially this type of fling is perhaps the longest lasting type; no one wants to hurt the other party so the fling gets dragged out. What’s more, the widespread use of mobile phones has made it easy to get in contact with others, and creates an environment that makes flings easier to pull off,” comments Kameyama.

Regardless of all this talk of infidelity, what shouldn’t be overlooked here is that an overwhelming majority of Japanese women remain loyal to their marital partner which in itself has got to be worthy of some praise!

Source: news-postseven.com

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  • -1

    tmarie

    So they cheat on the guy that is their only source of income? Smart ladies, smart.

    Can we please stop paying for their health care and pension now? This is disgusting. If you don't want to be married or want to sex other guys, get a divorce. Oh right, then you'd need a job.

  • 5

    kringis

    Disgusting.

    And before people say it's because the husband cheats on or mistreats the wife, that usually happens because as soon as many Japanese women get married or have children they become an emotionally closed closet who treats their husband like an ATM.

    And thus the Japanese steamroller to destruction continues.

  • 6

    southsakai

    2.5% admitted to having had affairs with an unbelievable 6-10 partners!

    Some folks are addicted to this like crack.

    Anyways for people who like to cheat and have multiple partners. Please don't get married. Stay single and enjoy your life ok.

  • -12

    Probie

    The husband didn't pay a red penny toward her free pension; it comes out of the pot that all sararimen (and sarariwomen), married and single, pay into. Including those whose spouse pays her own contributions.

    Yeah, then tell me why when I got married did my contributions to pension and healthcare increase? I'm not talking about the free pension. I'm talking about the total pension level. If you pay more, you get more. Why should the husband pay that extra for his slut of a wife? She should be made to pay it back to him.

    • Moderator

      Back on topic please.

  • -3

    tmarie

    Thank you Cleo, I was just about to say that. WE, the taxpayers, are paying for this.

  • 6

    Maria

    I would like to know how many women who polled in total. These stats are meaningless without that information.

  • -2

    cleo

    then tell me why when I got married did my contributions to pension and healthcare increase? I'm not talking about the free pension. I'm talking about the total pension level.

    Kokumin nenkin is a fixed amount. Kosei nenkin is a fixed percentage of income; neither change on marriage. If marriage raised your contributions, you must be paying into some extra scheme provided by your company.

    If your wife is/was a dependent, you were also getting a tax break for her. You want the divorced husband to pay that back, too?

  • 5

    cleo

    Maria, it don't matter how many women were 'polled'. The article is another fluff piece. The 'stats' are meaningless whichever way you look at them.

  • 9

    The passage

    In response to which 14.8% replied “yes”, 85.2% “no.”

    Wow, for the first time ever in a Japanese survey there is no "Don't know" category.

    Anyway, 14.8% is probably low compared to the number of men doing the same. So, do we want equality for men or for women?

  • 11

    Onniyama

    I assume some women would be too embarassed to admit it so the number is probably a bit higher than 14.8%. This is good news! Time to start chatting up the hot married women.

  • 3

    BurakuminDes

    If the guys here were keeping their ladies happy and satisfied, this wouldn't happen. Same deal in Australia, the UK, China...etc. I don't think these women should be labelled as "disgusting" at all - and I reckon the figure for men having extra-marital affairs would be closer to triple this amount.

  • -2

    Zen student

    Anyways for people who like to cheat and have multiple partners. Please don't get married. Stay single and enjoy your life ok.

    @southsakai - you took the words right out of my mouth. Precisely. Marriage should be for people who are serious about making a commitment. If you can't make the commitment, stay single or get a divorce.

    I really love women and feel like the luckiest guy to have met my beautiful wife. And, I would never cheat on her in a million years. That's what true love and real commitment is all about and I know many of you guys out there will roll your eyes and say 'whatever' but it's true. I used to be a cheater many years ago....and paid the price. And felt like a worthless piece of c$%&.

    These type of women are either rotten to the core or too afraid to get a divorce which would take them out of their 'comfort zone'.

  • 3

    Yubaru

    So they cheat on the guy that is their only source of income? Smart ladies, smart.

    So what's ok for the gander is not ok for the goose?

    It wouldn't surprise me one bit at all if the actually percentage is double than what is being reported here seeing as how, typically speaking, and out of the habit of many Japanese to lie when asked a direct question that makes them uncomfortable, some of the women surveyed were too embarrassed to tell the truth.

  • 2

    Loghorn

    @tmarie:

    So they cheat on the guy that is their only source of income? Smart ladies, smart.

    Can we please stop paying for their health care and pension now? This is disgusting. If you don't want to be married or want to have sex other guys, get a divorce. Oh right, then you'd need a job.

    Better yet, if women (& especially men) want to keep flirting with other men/women, & want to have sex with multiple men /women, then they shouldn't bother entering in a relationship or to get married in the first place.

  • 0

    humanrights

    If the wife is satisfied she don't walk astray. But I think the figures is more like 50% from my experience. haha

  • 11

    kimuzukashiiiii

    I wonder what the percentage of salarymen who have cheated on their wives are .. ?

  • 7

    paulinusa

    Of those women who cheat I'll bet the majority of husbands know and don't raise the issue with their wives. And there's many reasons why.

  • 6

    ebisen

    Pretty much normal social situation, quite similar with other developed countries. Nothing to see here, keep walking.

  • 5

    Mocheake

    Sometimes people cheat with the unspoken 'approval' of the other spouse. I have been told by several women (albeit many years ago) that as long as he didn't bring the other woman around or bring a venereal disease home, they didn't care. Also, some spouses lose interest and the other may seek out someone else. From what I see and hear, marriage seems to be done more for monetary purposes than for love.

  • 1

    smithinjapan

    I'm willing to bet the number is much, much higher than that. 14% blatantly admitted to it, and I'm quite sure there are a number who have who said they do not. It's a love affair -- it's secret. Even in an anonymous survey that will not change for many.

    There are as many love hotels as there are for a reason (a few reasons, really, but the main one is for love affairs). Men aren't the only ones doing it -- they're just worse at hiding it.

  • -3

    lachatamber

    I wonder what the percentage of salarymen who have cheated on their wives are .. ?

    they don't need a study for that, we already know it's 100%.

  • -4

    ges525252gafew

    I apologize to all readers for posting like an idiot.

  • 1

    DudeDeuce

    I wonder about the partners that they had affairs with. Are most of them married as well? How do they meet? It could be the Sagawa deliveryman making twice the delivery.

  • 11

    Noliving

    If the guys here were keeping their ladies happy and satisfied, this wouldn't happen.m If the wife is satisfied she don't walk astray.

    Gotta love the double standard, its the guys fault if the woman cheats but if the guy cheats well its the guys fault.

  • 3

    TheDevilsAssistant

    14.8% of Japanese housewives claim to have committed adultery

    From what I haved heard from friends around me, that percentage number seems really low.

  • 3

    sakurala

    I wonder what statistics are from other countries. I don't think that it is really that high, although wouldn't life be rosey if it was 0% on both sides? I wonder what the reasons are for these affairs? Is it that the hubby isn't around and they are reaching out to feel loved? Or do they just enjoy having playpals?

    DudeDeuce: If you see a large amount of boxes from rakuten and amazon at the house, it might just be the delivery man. It is just like back in the old days, with the milk man.... (oh South Park has tainted me!)

  • 0

    FPSRussia

    Come on people. You are hating on these women but it's YOU.....yes....YOU that encourage them to cheat. It's YOU the poster that allowed this situation to be.

    Women can do these things cause there are "Double Standards" written in the law. Here in Japan, a woman can be caught in the act, with evidence and the Family Courts will still award her a huge payout. Any lawyer can get the semen stained sheets thrown out. The court will just ignore it.

    The laws have been written only for women. That's why the women, housewives, spend 70% of their daytime in and out of love hotels.

    This is the world we live in. The worst example, actually, the ugliest example, that makes me want to vomit, is Kim Kardashian. She marries this guy named Kris Humphries NBA, takes him for a ride, with a divorce after only a month. Keeps the ring, ASKS for more money. Then while still married legally starts dating Kanye West, GETS PREGNANT, post it all for the world to see but her lawyer claims she never cheated while married. Judge buys it. Even with a bun in the oven.

    I guess the bottom line is this. Women can get away with anything they want. They know the Family Courts will always side with them. YOU make no effort to see such double standards changed and therefore the women feel free to totally destroy anything they want.

    Some of you are probably thinking. I'm not to blame. I don't even have to worry about this kind of stuff.
    Where's your wife right now? ;-) Don't worry, you don't have the same problems as these men.....or do you?

  • 4

    all4faj

    Zen studentJan. 11, 2013 - 09:03AM JST

    Interesting you say these women are rotten to the core because they cheat, and yet you admitted cheating, are you still rotten to the core or are you better? If you are better maybe they too will one day realize the errors of their ways.

    See a lot of people hating without knowing too many facts, and I would be happy to put money on it that its fairly widespread in every country. we are after all animals.

  • -5

    tmarie

    **If the guys here were keeping their ladies happy and satisfied, this wouldn't happen. **

    What more do these ladies expect? Most have men that slave away at the office, hand over their salary and seen as ATMs. These women have a roof over their heads, food to eat and clothing on their back because their husbands provide for them. Why on earth a man would continue to provide for a women who might give him an STD who is staying at home to "look after house/kids" is beyond me.

    Most of the sexless marriages here are caused because the women don't want to have sex because they've got kids. The men go and play around - often with the okay of the wife. However, how do you bite the hand that feeds you like these women? What exactly would these women do if hubby found out and toss her out? Run home to her parents or go on welfare. Why should her parents or we, the tax payers, have to pay for her poor choices in life?

    I don't condone a double standard at all. If a man wants to cheat, he shouldn't have gotten married or should get a divorce. It is MUCH, MUCH easier for the men to do such a thing here because... they have an income. These "housewives" don't.

    Certainly not all husbands are perfect, certainly cheating happens but when you've got this many women (and yes, the number I think is higher) cheating on someone providing everything for then, I'll call it disgusting.

  • 5

    Betraythetrust!

    Men and women are as bad as each other, that is why there is cheating, anyone who labels or picks on one part of society is showing ignorance,

  • -7

    tmarie

    Is it as bad though when one is working to pay for everything and the other is not?? Cheating is wrong but I tend to think housewives who do it are worse.

  • 9

    Betraythetrust!

    @tmarie

    Cheating is cheating whether a breadwinner or not, simple as that.

    Too much emphasis is put on "work" that earns money by some, much beneficial work is unpaid.

  • -1

    Zen student

    @all4faj

    You made a good point about my comment. I should have been more specific. The "rotten to the core" ones I was referring to were the "2.5% (who) admitted to having had affairs with an unbelievable 6-10 partners!".

    What I was trying to say, but didn't put it well all4faj was that everybody makes mistakes (I have only ever cheated once and regretted it every day because I have a conscience) but somebody who cheats 6-10 times (or more) is obviously going to have trouble being faithful to anyone.

  • -6

    tmarie

    Cheating is cheating but when one can up and leave with a job and a decent living and the other can't, why would the other even risk it? A guy works his butt off to support his wife and this is the thanks he gets? Possible STDs and a kid that isn't his that he then has to pay for? Nice thanks for the roof, the clothes and the food this guy provides.

  • 3

    ThonTaddeo

    Dr Iwasaki, psychiatrist and director of the Iwasaki Mental Clinic, shed a little light on the possible reason why so few might reply “yes” to this question. “For most housewives, having a fling is not an easy task: it would seem that most mothers are either busy meeting their female friends or finding an emotional release in a hobby or a new learning skill.”

    And here I was thinking that "so few might reply 'yes' to this question" because most people are loyal to the spouse that they pledged their loyalty to!

  • 2

    hidingout

    Maria, it don't matter how many women were 'polled'. The article is another fluff piece. The 'stats' are meaningless whichever way you look at them.

    Disagree. We can learn that only 14% of people are willing to be honest about their adultery. Face it, given the right circumstances (right person, right timing, little chance of being caught etc) everyone cheats.

    I'm more interested in why the article keeps saying "housewives". Were employed married women left out of this survey? If so, that probably goes a long way to explaining why they came up with a laughably low figure of 14%.

  • 2

    Pacificpilot

    I am a former attorney who handled divorce cases. I've always advocated two things to improve marital relations: 1. Whatever newly weds budget for their wedding expenses, half should be socked away in a joint account. If after 5 years of marriage the couple is still happy together, they should used that fund to celebrate their happy and successful marriage. On the other hand, if the couple is unhappy or already divorced, they should still celebrate their union with the monies and part as friends. 2. The marriage vows should not state that the couple vows to keep their marriage till death do they part. Instead, it should state that they join in holy matrimony, however, if the marriage develops into an unhappy relationship, they should part as friends forever.

    This begs the question about marital property and child custody, but these important matters can be addressed in a premarital agreement executed before the marital contract. This meeting of the minds can guide the couple as they live in marital union.

  • -4

    tmarie

    ** The marriage vows should not state that the couple vows to keep their marriage till death do they part. **

    While I 100% agree with this, society here and in many other countries, makes that nearly impossible for women. No job, no money and few jobs that pay a living wage... means women "have" to stay in these marriages. Or demand changes so that they can get out and work. Very few would be willing to do that there though as many do not want to work FT and earn a living wage.

    For many women, it is "easier" to stay in an unhappy marriage than become dependant. And let's be honest, most women here expect their husband's salary AND then their pension. Only when they hit 65 and are "entitled" to half of their husband's pension will they consider leaving their unhappy marriage - and this is just a recent thing due to a change in pension laws. Twisted and causes problems for single, divorced or widowed women.

  • -5

    tmarie

    For more info... http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/6495009.stm

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/news/2007/oct/18/internationalnews

  • -2

    Elbuda Mexicano

    My guess if only 14%?? Then another 50% are just "too shy" to admit that they have been sleeping around?? Also me thinks that these free sex clubs like in Shibuya, were women can just walk in and have sex with all the men that are their and for FREE, for the women, as far as I know it is free, I guess those random sex romps do not count??

  • 0

    combinibento

    I'm more interested in why the article keeps saying "housewives". Were employed married women left out of this survey? If so, that probably goes a long way to explaining why they came up with a laughably low figure of 14%.

    Excellent point. I also believe the number for "housewives" is higher than the poll results show, and definitely think the number for wives working out of the home is much higher than that.

  • 5

    Himajin

    Face it, given the right circumstances (right person, right timing, little chance of being caught etc) everyone cheats.

    If you have any kind of moral core and ethics, no you don't.

  • -2

    whiskeysour

    The reason why is it's boring at home ! ! ! ! Husband is boring and ( doesn't matter the age ) children is a nuisance.

    Love Hotels & Disneyland for Salary men is invented for the married couples.

    Office workers having sex with each other while married to a significant other happens all the time. Not all married people cheat

    But it happens especially if the house wife finds condoms in his pants before washing them, or smelling perfume on his clothes before washing them,.......

    Cheating happens in 97% of marriages

    Of the 14.8% of housewives

    More likely 53% - 45% housewives cheating......

    When all kids are at school, the girls will play ! ! ! ! !

  • 0

    lwsydney

    More like "14.8% ADMIT to Cheating". I may or may not have contributed to this number, and have reason to believe it ain't right.

  • 1

    Tamarama

    I doubt this figure is much different to stats from other countries, if it is actually accurate.

  • 4

    Thunderbird2

    I can't say I'm surprised, not when the men are going to hostess bars after work, drinking parties after work, etc, then coming home pished and stinking of smoke, booze and perfume. Why should Japanese women have to put up with that? The Japanese women I know all say the same thing. If the men can do it and get praise, then it's only natural for the women to want the same. Only human.

  • -3

    cleo

    Face it, given the right circumstances (right person, right timing, little chance of being caught etc) everyone cheats.

    Rubbish.

  • 0

    cramp

    who let the hogs out?

  • 0

    serendipitous

    No big surprise here. The number reported here is low I'd say. Basically, humans (as a species of the animal kingdom) aren't really designed to have just one partner. It's rare in nature and it's a battle for many to do!

  • 0

    Serrano

    This is truly sad.

  • 0

    hidingout

    Rubbish.

    Sorry, I remember how literally you take the language. Obviously not everyone cheats. I'm sure there are some very moral people left in the world somewhere, as well as those bereft of either opportunity or imagination . But the mainstream cheats like there's no tomorrow.

    Modern day marriage is for the most part a sham since people don't need any more reason to cheat than that its fun and they think they can get away with it. I wish we would move away from the romantic view of marriage cause its a concept that doesn't work very well in the 21st century.

  • 0

    Americanhonor

    I dont even believe in the validity of these nonsense surveys, I mean how many women would actually admit they had an affair? This in itself is an enormous risk anonymous or otherwise. Considering the high numbers of japanese men ( married)that frequent hostess bars etc... I bet the true figures to be much higher.

  • 0

    cleo

    the mainstream cheats like there's no tomorrow

    Again, rubbish.

    Modern day marriage is for the most part a sham

    Speak for yourself? Marriage is a concept that works perfectly well if you stick to your vows. It ain't difficult if you love your partner.

  • -1

    italiandream

    14.8% only?! from my experience it is much much more :-DDD They like to have a lover and they also give some money to him!!!

  • 2

    Loghorn

    @Noliving:

    Gotta love the double standard, its the guys fault if the woman cheats but if the guy cheats well its the guys fault.

    Yeah. It's nonsense. Not all women are completely innocent.

  • 1

    badsey3

    A great way to break-up the family. Wealth runs in families, so by promoting this they are destroying the wealth of many in order to fill the pockets of the few. =Makes perfect sense to me.

  • -3

    Lowly

    14%? No WAY.

    25% would be a low but believably low number. Probably over 50, or near it. Either they didn't poll enough ppl, enough varied geographic regions and age groups, their question was worded wrong, or the respondants lied, thinking if they didn't admit it happened then maybe it really didn't. Using that special doublethink J logic.

  • 0

    Rahul Nirmal

    And people wonder why herbivore men exist. :(

  • 2

    DP812

    There are some people on this thread who are doing a lot of bashing of J-women, which makes me wonder about their motives for these kinds of posts. I wonder, if the J-woman bashers think it's just fine for married men to go to hostess bars? Is it okay for them to go to soaplands?

    There have been more than a few Japanese men who have said to me, "so you have your girlfriend, but tell us about your special friend." When I asked what they meant, they basically described a mistress. Every single one of these married J-men had a mistress, some had more than one. And I think if you probed a bit deeper into that 14% and asked why they had affairs, I'm positive a good many of them would say that their husbands do it as well.

    It doesn't make it right by any stretch of the imagination. But it sheds a little more light on the motivation, which some in this thread seem to want to make out to be "J-women are evil."

  • 1

    HonestDictator

    The main issue here isn't so much that they're cheating, its that they're marrying each other and violating that commitment. As many have said before, "If you can't do the time, don't commit the crime." Why marry if you don't WANT to or can't keep it up? Goes for both the husbands and wives.

  • 0

    HonestDictator

    Another factor that was not mentioned was how many of the cheaters have children with their spouses. Reason why I haven't married yet myself is that I won't even date or fool around with a woman that wouldn't want to have children with just in case some crazy freak accident happens and either contraceptives fail or something else like that. Its all fun and games until someone gets knocked up and doesn't know who the father is xD.

  • 0

    savethegaijin

    I see a lot of people building sandcastles in their panties just at the thought of a 'freeloading housewife' running out on their hardworking, supportive, dedicated husbands.

    Mmmmmmbullsh*t.

    If a married man cheats, he's either an ahole, or a weak willed person who's marriage isn't fulfilling for him. If a married woman cheats, she's either an ahole, or a weak willed person who's marriage isn't fulfilling for her.

    It's so odd - it seems like most of you have spent long periods of time in Japan, and yet somehow don't know much at all about the dynamics of Japanese marriages.

    To start with, yes... Japanese men generally work very long hours most working days. Yet I don't pity them much, because if it were as physically and mentally draining as everyone likes to say that it is, salarymen wouldn't be running out every other night for a nomikai, or dropping by a soapland with his bosses and coworkers. Yes, they don't really have a choice as to the hours they work, and yes, most of the time they are 'dragged' (<so to speak) by their superiors and simply feel they can't say no due to the Japanese social structure. Last time I checked though, "They made me do it!" is not an acceptable of an excuse for an adult. On the flip side, when Japanese women (most, not all) go from what I call Oyomesan mode to Okaasan mode, most of the time they turn the emotional switch of the relationship off and it rarely will ever get turned on again. Every summer in high school I did a homestay in a different part of Japan. In every host family I stayed with, the Mother and Father slept not only in separate futons (or beds), but in entirely different rooms.

    But you can't acknowledge those facts, without pointing out that it is VERY difficult being a Mom in Japan. Especially if you've got more than one young child. Japanese men almost NEVER help out with raising the children, and (just like the societal pressures on Japanese men) Japanese married women, once they get pregnant are expected and a lot of times pushed very hard into quitting their jobs. Try getting a job when you're pregnant in Japan. Better yet, try getting a new job once you've given birth. Try getting a job while your kid is not in school. Try finding adequate daycare (oddly enough, daycare in Japan for one child can cost more than the entire salary that the mothers would be making anyhow-unless they landed a high paying job). And then finally, once your kids are in school, try finding an employer in Japan that will hire you even though you've been out of the game for 6, 7, 8 or more years. Not to mention working mothers are often ostracized for not giving their full attention to their children. And just so we're clear I'm not picking favorites, Yes - I'm very well of the greedy, do nothing douchenozzle women who use their husbands as ATM's and their kids as accessories. They exist. Just walk around Shibuya and you'll see them.

    If you cheat on your spouse, you shouldn't have gotten married in the first place. End of story. But to slap on the label of "Worked-to-death Salaryman gets screwed over by his gold digging, life sucking, trampy, lazy wife" is just fiction. Some people are just bitter bitter bitter, aren't they?

  • 1

    Nessie

    14% of wives admit to cheating. Another 10% brag about it.

  • 1

    ChibaChick

    My friend had an affair. She told me all about it. Her husband had been cheating on her virtually from day 1. She didn't leave because by the time she found out she already had one child and she desperately wanted to keep her family together. By the time she found out about the second affair (that she knows of, there were probably others) she had another child an her self esteem was in tatters.

    She talked to her doctor about it - a lovely caring guy she said. And it was him who she had the affair with.

    It didn't last long and she ended it out of guilt. Two wrongs don't make a right I guess. But I can't blame her in the slightest for what she did. I saw how her husband had treated her over the years. She had a short but great time and felt valuable again she said. She told me all this and more I think because I am a foreigner and she didn't feel judged by me at all.

    My point is not all wives who cheat are nasty evil harridans screwing their poor hardworking husbands. I watched her over the years doing everything she could to support her husband and make him happy and in return, while he provided for her, he took the p*** big time. Seemed to think that because it was him that brought in the money (she only worked part time after the children came along) that it was his God-given right to do what he wanted.

    Some women cheat because they are selfish, but not all of them and vice versa with men. This is such a complicated topic, you simply can't tarnish everyone with the same brush.

  • 0

    danako

    @cleo, I got married in Japan, and there were no "vows". It was just signing a paper. It took longer to sign up for cable TV.

    Just my opinion, I believe the reason that most men don't cheat, is lack of opportunity. Given the opportunity, a guy is more likely to cheat. Women might just be flattered that another man would find them attractive and interesting, while doing nothing further.

  • 1

    jforce

    Vows? Just silliness. If you need to go by vows and/or some word of godly rule to keep your marriage together then you are a child. Marriage is a partnership of 2 people. This partnership needs to be handled honestly in all aspects. If you can't be honest with your spouse about any sexual desires or needs then don't marry that person.

    I find the idea of adultery very insulting to the other spouse. If you are hiding anything from your spouse it's insulting. You have no respect for them. If you want to play with someone else then you need to have a frank talk about what you need sexually with your current spouse. Perhaps there is a way to avoid all the sneaking around once its out in air.

  • 1

    edbardoe

    Similar American surveys usually show about 40% or 50% of American wives are "adulterous" by this definition. Does this include swingers where both are balling others in the same hotel room?

  • 2

    mrmalice

    Compared to here i read in an article 55% of belgians admits to having done it. They don't distinguish between male or female in the article but it might be safe to say if you're into monogamy (like me) and prefer a partner you can trust and won't give you an STD while you're not looking for thirty minutes a japanese woman might be a safer bet

  • 3

    Yubaru

    The marriage vows should not state that the couple vows to keep their marriage till death do they part.

    Such a "western" attitude. There are typically no such "vows" in Japan.

    I find your views to be rather archaic, on one hand you state that cheating is bad from either side yet when a woman does it, it's worse, because she isn't the one making the money?

    Being a housewife and mother for many is more than a full time job, and yet they get paid nothing for everything they do. Many are slaves in a manner of speaking and while I do not condone cheating in a marriage I can understand why it happens.

  • -2

    Lowly

    Cheating isn't necessarily a bad thing. On the one end of the spectrum, there are those that actively look for other partners either together or separately, and what is wrong with that? Who am I to say they are wrong? There are those who do it out of loneliness, their spouse may be physically or emotionally incapacitated (I'm talking accidents and sickness), and really, in such a situation, staying with the incapacitated spouse is evidence of great love. Is it necessary to force such a person also to make dry monogamy a promise too? There are those who cheat and yet are faithful to their spouse giving them the physical and emotional support they need. As long as they don't rub their affairs in their spouse's faces, can I really judge that they are a bad spouse or don't care for their spouse? There are of course those who cheat for power, to inflict humiliation on purpose, or to "get back" at the spouse for some perceived insult (could be cheating or otherwise). These ppl are childish if anything, I can't call them sinners, and the problem that needs solving is not whether or not to cheat, but how to treat ppl and build relationships that are strong and of benefit to ppl.

    I of course have no problem with those who choose monogamy, but clinging to some monogamous ideal that's written on a piece of paper over dealing with real feelings doesn't help anybody. Especially when it comes to judging ppl you have never met.

  • -1

    John2

    Many love hotels in JP and cheating in many east-asia countries its frequent and not taboo. I do not agree a woman who had extra-marriage sex 5 times can stop it. Such person is sex adducted and stay with husbund for economic reasons not love.

  • 2

    DP812

    @Lowly, cheating is most-definitely a bad thing. If you and your spouse have an open relationship, then it's not cheating and more power to you. But if you pursue other partners without your spouse's knowledge and especially without their consent, then you are betraying your spouse.

    If you don't want monogamy and your spouse does, then the relationship needs to end, because you both have conflicting ideas about what the relationship should be.

  • -2

    Lowly

    I disagree DP812

    There are plenty of ppl who accept and don't mind their spouse wandering if they come back home. But they DO NOT want to know about it. You as an outsider, or me, to the relationship are in no position to judge and say "you are getting screwed over by your spouse, end the relationship" or "you are screwing your spouse over, break up".

    Thinking everybody's relationship has to be based on this or that because it is written somewhere on a peice of paper or because someone said so, is the path away from self-knowledge, and to cold lifeless relationships that ignore the partners' real needs and desires, and real current situation.

  • 0

    Baccus

    While I know these clubs existed for men since way back, I question the actual existence of these places, especially in Shibuya. Unless of course you're referring to Host Clubs, which are a bit more innocuous.

    Elbuda Mexicano: Also me thinks that these free sex clubs like in Shibuya, were women can just walk in and have sex with all the men that are their and for FREE, for the women

  • 0

    HonestDictator

    @Lowly, you pretty much said it yourself, there are those that don't want to know about it but accept it, but you forgot to mention there are those that do not know about it and do not accept it. Those are the people that are being dragged without their knowledge into a situation that causes heavy emotional damage and completely unnecessary stress.

    Another thing I wanted to mention was that there are still too many people in this world are too busy trying to feel good that they will start not caring about practicing safe sex. Even if a person plays it safe sexually STDs can still be passed on by many other means which usually ends up with due to lack of diligent and knowledgable safe sex practices.

    Lets say Husband A is Married to Wife A. Wife A feels her marriage is safe and believes her husband is loyal, and that is why they got married. But Husband A wants to fool around and spends the nights with Mistress B... Now Mistress B isn't married, but is having fun because she's young. Not only is she sleeping with Husband A but she's also got a younger man on the side Dude B. Now Dude B not only sleeps with Mistress B but also girlfriend B. Girlfriend B has Herpes, but she makes Dude B wear a condom, but he doesn't wear a condom when girlfriend B does oral and he gets Herpes without realizing it. Now Dude B sleeps with Mistress B about 2 days later and they don't use condoms because Mistress B had Dude B get tested for STDs about a month earlier because she was on the pill and she believes he's been safe before and there is no reason to get tested again... Mistress B gets herpes that day, but doesn't realize it and passes it on to Husband A because she also had him get tested a few months earlier, Husband A and Wife A's anniversary is coming up a few days later and that's about the only time they sleep together, and of course they don't use any protection because they're married in a supposedly monogamous relationship. Now Wife A who hasn't been fooling around at all gets a lifetime infection of herpes because of the choices and consequences of Husband A. That's also how easy it is for the fact that "when you sleep with one person you're sleeping with everyone else they've slept with" phrase.

    If safe sex was practiced like it should be by EVERYONE we would not have the current percentage of STDs that are running around now. Seems like something is trying to stop mankind from being promiscuous IMO (thinks of the 60s in the US).... If a person chooses to get married they must make sure them and their spouse are on the exact same page. If they want an "open" marriage then they should both know about it (which still kind of makes the idea of marriage and commitment useless). If they want a strictly monogamous marriage then they're both obligated to keep it that way, and if it doesn't work out they should divorce before going back out on the "market" again.

  • 1

    sf2k

    if you're asking some liars if they have lied then what is the point?

    This is good though, keeps the husbands clueless

  • 0

    Jack Stern

    There were so many comments I couldn't go through them all but what about the men who cheat on their wives. What is the percentage there? I wouldn't be surprised to see like twice the women's percentage.

  • 2

    DP812

    There are plenty of ppl who accept and don't mind their spouse wandering if they come back home. But they DO NOT want to know about it.

    If that's been communicated in the relationship, then that's different. If it hasn't, then it's a betrayal, pure and simple.

    Thinking everybody's relationship has to be based on this or that because it is written somewhere on a peice of paper or because someone said so, is the path away from self-knowledge, and to cold lifeless relationships that ignore the partners' real needs and desires, and real current situation.

    I never said everyone's relationship has to be based on this or that. But a relationship is a partnership, communication is important, honesty is important. If your spouse tells you, "I don't care if you seek out other partners, but don't ever tell me about it," then THAT'S CONSENT! That's an agreement! If your spouse tells you, "I want you to be faithful to me," then by violating that, you are betraying your partner. And if your spouse has never said anything and you just assume they're okay with you running around with other lovers, then clearly you are betraying your partner because you aren't being honest and you don't know what their views actually are.

    Cold, lifeless marriages aren't created because spouses need to be more understanding about their partner's lack of self-control. Cold, lifeless marriages are created from lack of communication and dishonesty.

    When you commit to a person, and I'm not talking about marriage, I'm talking about committing to a person, then you have an obligation to be honest with that person about your sex life. Not only is it just basic human respect to be honest with the person you supposedly love, but it's also a matter of safety. Spouses have a right to know what risks are involved in their sex life.

    If you aren't willing to be honest with your partner, then you should not make that commitment, plain and simple.

  • -4

    Shiningfinger

    EVERYBODY IS MISSING THE BIGGER PICTURE HERE! I read this article and followed many of the posts. 1st I agree the numbers may not be accurate and the percentage of married women who cheat could possible be 2x to 3x times higher than 14.8% But lets for the sake of arguement say its about 20%. thats 1 out of ever 5 housewives that sleep outside of a marriage.

    *** NOW of that percentage how many have secretly given birth to a child without 100% certainty of who fathered the child??? Even if it is say 5% of these women. thats 5% of the entire population of married couples and a large number of men who are raising kids that are not their own. That number is possibley thousands in japan. THis is not a new phenom in western countries, with the countless DNA testing centers, talk shows, and divorce courts. But in Eastern countries like Japan, South korea, etc These men are in dark. about something that DOES Happen.

  • 0

    tmarie

    I can't say I'm surprised, not when the men are going to hostess bars after work, drinking parties after work, etc, then coming home pished and stinking of smoke, booze and perfume. Why should Japanese women have to put up with that? The Japanese women I know all say the same thing. If the men can do it and get praise, then it's only natural for the women to want the same. Only human.

    Who is saying that they "have" to put up with it?? No one. The thing is, many WILL put up with it because they are dependant on their husbands for money. Who is praising these guys? No one on here. And natural? Perhaps but if I couldn't afford to pay my own way, no way would I be risking my meal ticket. There are studies out there that shoe that women with powerful jobs are more likely to cheat. Why? Because they can and don't have to worry about losing their monetary support. These women are playing with fire not only with the risk of divorce but also with the risk of getting pregnant.

    Yubaru, they don't get paid?? Surely a roof over their head and their husband's pay check is some sort of pay, no? If they weren't married, they wouldn't have that and would have to work outside the home to support themselves.

    For those commenting that people look the other way when men do it, who is saying that on here? No one. If you don't want to have sex with one person for the rest of your life, don't get married or have an open marriage where BOTH can play around.

    I'd also love to know who these guys are that are going to hostess clubs and the like a few nights a week. How are they affording this? The bubble has burst guys and that lifestyle isn't as prevalent and many of you seem to think it is.

  • -2

    Lowly

    HonestDictator,

    ya, I know how infection transmission works. That's not the point. There are risks in anything you do. Choosing the thing you want and doing it and accepting those risks is living responsibly and without regrets.

    My point is there are all kinds of ppl who want all kinds of things. I saw ppl going on about how extramarital affairs being "bad", giving basic knee-jerk reactions. I was just pointing out there are ppl out there who want and do different things, and expecting others to conform to your personal moral standards or something that is written on a peice of paper and has nothing to do with real live humans is bothe unrealistic and alienating.

    DP812

    yes, I know there are ppl who live like lawyers with agreements and constant verbally confirmed declarations of intent and feeling. I suppose there are some among them who may achieve happiness, but in my experience that sort of living is more likely to lead to alienation and frigidity. ppl trying to live by actually feeling each other and understanding each other and expressing passion which can never be made clear in words, they too can make mistakes and fall flat on their faces.

    I'm not really trying to say which is better, or even which I prefer personally. Just that there are ppl who don't need or want a rulebook or contract to have human relationships. And it does no one any good to impose your idea of "correct" or morally right on ppl you haven't met and can't even imagine. Tho of course it's all just words on the internet...

  • 0

    nandakandamanda

    So let's get this right, 85.2% of Japanese housewives claim not to have committed adultery.

  • 0

    DP812

    @Lowly, I don't know how you can look at a statement like "a commitment requires honesty and communication" and bring back from that "living like lawyers with agreements and constantly verbally confirmed declarations of intent and feeling." That's a massive leap.

    You said people should live by actually feeling each other and understanding each other -- THAT MEANS COMMUNICATING YOUR EXPECTATIONS FOR THE RELATIONSHIP! If you commit to someone, you owe it to them to communicate what that commitment means, and they owe it to you to do the same. If you're going to just assume that they're okay with adultery, that's not understanding -- that's assuming.

    It's got nothing to do with a rulebook or a contract or judging people I've never met or any of these arbitrary labels you keep forcing on it. It has to do with being open and honest.

  • -2

    Lowly

    dp

    @Lowly, I don't know how you can look at a statement like "a commitment requires honesty and communication" and bring back from that "living like lawyers with agreements and constantly verbally confirmed declarations of intent and feeling." That's a massive leap.

    I didn't. Your use of the words "agreement" and "consent" and talking about verbally communicating things, and not understanding the other until they say explicitly what they feel, makes me think of that. There are other ways of communicating, and understanding and satisfying someone.

    You said people should live by actually feeling each other and understanding each other -- THAT MEANS COMMUNICATING YOUR EXPECTATIONS FOR THE RELATIONSHIP!

    Nope, I did not say that. I never said how ppl should be. I said "there are many ways for ppl to be, not just one way." That's my whole point, you can't judge. (And incidentally, no it does not necessarily mean that. That is one way of having a relationship, as I keep saying, but there are many other ways, and many ppl with different ways of grasping and feeling ppl.)

    Do what you like but don't proscribe for others.

  • 0

    Tessa

    Being a housewife and mother for many is more than a full time job, and yet they get paid nothing for everything they do.

    Actually, they do get paid in board and food or as is said in Japanese "three meals and a nap." In this country they also get access to low-cost, effective healthcare and various public facilities - for example, my local ward offers various cultural and exercise classes for 500 yen per lesson, and about 95% of the participants are middle-aged housewives (the other 5% are retired men). There is no way that taking care of a 3LDK apartment is a "full-time job," not with all the automated labour-saving devices on hand. And the care of children, after a certain age, is pretty much outsourced to schools, cram schools, and various extracurricular activities.

    All in all, it's a pretty cushy deal.

  • -1

    Tessa

    I don't judge people who have affairs. I've heard all the stories, and much of the time they fill me with sympathy. What's a person to do when trapped in a loveless union or a toxic marriage, and being unwilling to walk out for the sake of the kids? Life is complicated.

  • 0

    HonestDictator

    @ Tessa, and if they get caught cheating it usually still destroys the "relationship" anyways, regardless of "the sake of the kids". When little Timmy walks up to his mom or dad and asks why the other spouse was kissing up or acting lovey~dovey with another person that is not mom or dad... well gosh pretty much tosses that out of the window. As we keep saying, better to get a divorce first.

  • -2

    tmarie

    ** What's a person to do when trapped in a loveless union or a toxic marriage, and being unwilling to walk out for the sake of the kids? Life is complicated.**

    File for divorce? Though then these women would have to actually get a paying job. Too much work for most it seems.

  • 0

    nandakandamanda

    Tessa, I hope your sympathy goes both ways, for men and women.

  • 0

    Tessa

    Tessa, I hope your sympathy goes both ways, for men and women.

    Yes actually, it does. A very wise Japanese friend told me that "in the bad old days, even if you were trapped in a miserable marriage, the life expectancy was so low that you only had to put up with it for a few years until you died." Nowadays with both males and females living on until their 80s and beyond, the idea of "until death do us part" just doesn't seem as feasible as it used to be. Like I said, life is complicated. I will never cast stones.

    Another Japanese friend, who sensibly divorced when her marriage turned toxic, asked me "why should I have to live with a mistake that I made at the age of 25?" She never asked for a penny from her husband (or from the state, for that matter), and supported herself and her child with a variety of jobs ranging from cram school tutor to real estate agent. Women like her are living proof that women can and do get off their butts and get paying jobs, unfortunately only when they are forced to by circumstances.

  • -1

    Cortes Elijah

    You know..Im not sure why this article is about women...haha like men are the ones who should be talked about. WOW wife is cheating! Tsk tsk... Even tho men are the ones who do it the most.... 78% of men cheat...how did i get that % i made it up but it is probably correct.... Give the ladies a break.

  • -2

    ka_chan

    Me thinks these number may be a bit low.

  • -4

    theResident

    The true figure is way higher. I think anyone who has been in Japan would know that. @tmarie: I may not often agree with your opinions but I did respect them. You come across as a moral crusader here (i use that term as not to get this message removed). The figure for Guys in Japan, and I include all nationalities is probably close to 80%...best case scenario would be 40% of Woman. Probably more. Sex is a function in Japan, not just an act of love between a loving couple.

  • 0

    ChibaChick

    The Resident - I think your stats are MUCH loser to the truth, especially for the men. As for the women - not sure it is as high as 40% but dont think it is as low as 15% either. Its just that, in my experience, a lot of women here seem to just go off sex or are not interested in it once they have children. Its like they lose their sex drive.

    However, I have known of quite a few women in "sexless" relationships (before and after marriage but before children) who have cheated out of frustration. I think the problem also lies in the definition of cheating too - for example, in the west any form of sexual contact with a person other than the spouse would be considered cheating, but here, many men actually do not consider going to a prostitute cheating. I worked in the "field" for a while, so to speak (not as a prostitute! As a researcher for a counsellor!) and I learned things that really blew my mind.

    An excellent book on the subject is "Why Men Want Sex & Women Need Love" by Allan and Barbara Pease. The stats are fascinating - in Europe and the west it is estimated 50-60% of men cheat, but in some countries (notably Sweden and France) it is as high as 70-80%. 40% are discovered and the rest get away with it. Among women, on average 40% cheat but only 15% get busted - women are better at covering their tracks! Infidelity is on the rise (up 20% in the US from 1998 to 2008), mostly in the baby boomer group - which incidentally has the fastest growing rate of STDs too. And who would have thought Saudi Arabian women are the "worlds most sexually satisfied"!

    As a researcher, its a fascinating subject. As a spouse - probably not so much!

  • 0

    Hawkeye

    My downstairs neighbor's wife is one of the 14.8% and she is luvin it when daddy goes to work each morning.

  • -2

    tmarie

    The res, I'm not trying to be a moral crusader at all. The old saying "Don't bite the hand that feeds you" comes to mind though when I read such things. Working women with a decent salary cheating? I'd be a lot less vocal. I guess I'm tired of my tax money going to the women who laze and sponge of spouses and society.

    I also agree that the numbers are much higher. As I pointed out, the more cash one has, the higher the chance of cheating in the marriage.

  • 0

    avenger

    How was this survey conducted, by phone? Im sure most hostwives would say no automatically thinking the person calling is either the husbands friend or a private eye. Who would answer the truth from a cold call?

  • -2

    sfjp330

    Beware of the wife who comes to you with their marriage or emotional problems. Because that is precisely how the innocents begin their harmless affairs. There is always a person, married or single, who is willing to listen to someone else's marriage problems If this shoulder to cry on is married and willing to listen, that person is likely having their own marital issues and ripe and vulnerable to an affair. They are more than happy to help in distress wife. There is no such thing as a friend of the opposite sex. Might not happen at the first meeting or in the first week, but it will happen for sure. You can't be friends with a potential sexual partner and never be tempted. And as with every temptation, eventually at some point you are going to cave. All it will take is a vunerable moment. A fight with your husband, a diminished ego or just the desire for comfort when your husband doesn't really understand it. Liking another person enough to be their friend always comes with a bond. If the person you happen to be friends with is a potential sexual partner its always going to be there. Everyone that is denying that, are lying to themselves.

  • 0

    SuperTekuTeku

    Probably, the women who do an extramarital affair in fact are less than 14%. Because there're many women who are interested in an adultery among of the JOSEI SEVEN readers. That is, the many readers of this magazine aren't normal. And also there're many false reports in this magazine self, So it's not trusted from people.

  • 0

    Megat Faizul Abdul Rahman

    @tmarie

    Who is saying that they "have" to put up with it?? No one. The thing is, many WILL put up with it because they are dependant on their husbands for money. Who is praising these guys? No one on here. And natural? Perhaps but if I couldn't afford to pay my own way, no way would I be risking my meal ticket. There are studies out there that shoe that women with powerful jobs are more likely to cheat. Why? Because they can and don't have to worry about losing their monetary support. These women are playing with fire not only with the risk of divorce but also with the risk of getting pregnant.'

    I don't think the reason most of these japanese women put up with their husband infidelities just for the sake of financal support.It's mostly for cultural reason,divorce is still treated as a taboo here,so there's no way out for these women.I know a japanese woman who had being presssured by her family not to divorce her philandering husband(for the sake of children of course)What else she supposed to do?She certainly have no obligations for him anymore except for raising his children and keep the house clean.

    We never know if most of these straying women actually have an income of their own or incapable of finding their own job after divorces but one thing for sure they seemed to be more harshly judged compared to the men at least that's how I read it from most of these comments.

    File for divorce? Though then these women would have to actually get a paying job. Too much work for most it seems.

    Easier said than done,not talking about finding the job though.After all families and in-laws always has the final say when it comes to decision to end a marriages.

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