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As hugely popular instant messaging app LINE supplants most other forms of communication in Japan, a poll asks young Japanese people: Is it okay to break up with someone by IM?
Due to the popularity of Facebook, which pretty much holds a monopoly on any and all forms of digital communication in much of the west, LINE hasn’t made much of a splash in the U.S. and other Western countries. In much of Asia, though, the program, supposedly born of a necessity to facilitate communication between relatives and loved ones during the 2011 Great East Japan Earthquake, is the primary method for communicating via text, voice, and adorable panda stamps.
The chat and free calling app is especially popular and widely used in Japan, where the average person will shoot off dozens and dozens of LINE messages a day to communicate both the trivial and the deadly important. People use the app to contact coworkers, parents, boyfriends, girlfriends, friends and kids. LINE has become such a necessary part of daily life in Japan that the app has spawned its own rules of etiquette and decorum, but some of those rules of etiquette are still being hashed out. For example: Is it okay to break up with someone with a LINE message?
Polling company Fast Ask set out to answer that very question in a recent survey of Japanese 20 and 30-somethings. Here’s what they found:
Overall, the majority of those polled said it’s A-OK to break up via LINE message, at 60.3% expressing that sentiment, while 39.7% disagreed.
20-somethings in particular, perhaps more tech-savvy and more used to digital communication being the norm, were the most okay with such a breakup method, with 68.3% fine with a LINE message breakup.
Those in their 30s were split almost fifty-fifty, with 55.6% surveyed saying a LINE-based breakup discussion is acceptable.
Fast Ask also requested some of those polled to get into specific reasoning for their response. Many of those who said a LINE breakup is acceptable cited pragmatic and logistical reasons, such as:
“It’s easier to talk more calmly via LINE than in person.” “The person you’re breaking up with might do something crazy if you do it face-to-face.” “It’s perfect if you don’t want to meet your former partner in person anymore.” “Depending on the situation, talking in person might just further complicate things.”
On the other hand, those who disagreed with the LINE message breakup method cited more emotional reasons.
“Breaking up via text message lacks empathy.” “Handling it in such a business-like fashion might cause the other person emotional trauma.” “It’s rude.” “Breaking up in person is the least you can do.”
Further, some of those surveyed who had actually experienced a LINE breakup gave their reasons.
“It was a long distance relationship, so a LINE breakup made the most sense.” “I was scared he’d get really mad.” “I didn’t want to see her in person.” “I thought it would allow us to breakup without a lot of drama.” “I was so pissed at the guy I couldn’t bear to look at his face, so I broke up with him through LINE.”
LINE, like pretty much all communication technology before it, is, as you can see, proving divisive in the interactions it facilitates. There are both pragmatic and emotional arguments to be made for both camps in the LINE breakup debate. Suffice to say, LINE’s abundance of adorable stamps might at least help to sooth your partner’s heartache in the event you find yourself on the giving end of a text message breakup.
Source: R25
Read more stories from RocketNews24. -- “I think I love you…”: Romantic confessions from around the world -- Nine reasons why Japanese men hesitate to say “I love you” -- Chinese woman’s insane post-breakup tantrum goes viral
© Japan Today
25 Comments
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Yubaru
In answering the question here; If the question needs to be asked, and the people who do break up this way, it's probably better than staying together as their relationship was doomed from the start if either side cant "face" up to talking with their partner, they shouldn't be thinking seriously about their future together anyway.
Novenachama
From a manners and etiquette standpoint it is always preferable to do things in person or at the very least by phone. Breaking up is never easy. You should respect the other person enough to at least use the phone. However it can be a good thing if the relationship has to end and you don't have the courage to do it any other way. Of course, you would leave the person with a gazillion questions and no chance to ask them. By texting them, you're kind of saying I don't care about you goodbye. On the other hand for some people it is absolutely not acceptable to break up with a romantic partner via text message. A partnership isn't made via a text message although it is possible it was confirmed by one. People become a partnership when a important part of themselves is no longer separate but something that is part of their lives as a couple. This can be a marriage, having a baby, living together or perhaps just spending so many years together that it is hard to remember which bits of life can referred to as "mine" or "ours". When someone breaks up with a partner, whether it is welcomed or not, they are forcibly changing the other person's life. They came together as a joint decision, but it is being ended by just one person. In the end texts are casual and informal means of communicating but telling someone you're changing their life is not a trivial issue.
turbotsat
The teddy bear's putting the rabbit in a headlock?
Are interspecies relationships legal in Japan?
cleo
It depends on the reason for breaking up. If you're ending the relationship for your own selfish reasons - you've found someone new, you've tired of the relationship, etc. - then bite the bullet and do it face-to-face, giving a proper explanation. If the relationship is ending because of the actions of the one being broken up with - violence, infidelity, betrayal, nukie in Kyoto with a model while you're busy having a baby - the more instant the message, the better.
If you've done something so heinous your partner cannot bear to look at you or breathe the same air as you, prepare to be dumped unceremoniously.
Jeff Huffman
Is it acceptable to break up via instant message?
Of course not.
Wc626
Agree. Especially if he/she was good and you both had some memories together.
If he/she wasn't ever special or the relationship was mediocre and short term, then an IM break-up could be acceptable.
Bernd Laurent
Absolutely agree, Cleo.
Harry_Gatto
Long before the advent of IM Phil Collins did it by fax.
John-San
Gossip is the best way. Let her friend,s inform her of her pending break-up. In most cases it is not feeding the dog a good healthy fulfilling meal regularly. Sooner or later the dog going to jump the back fence and look for a feed elsewhere.
shonanbb
Do it anyway you can as long as it does not cost you money.
Tamarama
Overall I'm with Cleo here. Except the 'nukie' which makes me think of a rather explosive session of nookie.
Between two reasonable people, texting a breakup is weak, selfish, disrespectful and completely lacking in empathy. It is a sad indictment on the 'doer' imo.
Be a grown up and do it properly.
smithinjapan
Depends entirely on the relationship. You can't expect someone living overseas, who realizes the relationship can't work, to fly home for a breakup. Asking them to Facechat or whatever is no different. That's even an extreme example. I'd say that if the relationship has consisted of the two people meeting and being involved for some time (in person), then meeting in person to do it shows a certain level of respect and, despite the circumstances, consideration. However, if the relationship has largely revolved around correspondence of one form or another I don't see why it would be 'unacceptable'.
And, let's face it, there ARE situations of the opposite extreme where meeting a certain person to break up with them face to face could be dangerous.
Duck70
Was going to say never, but Yubaru swayed me.
Couldn't all these excuses like the person might go mad, it's a hassle, be used by employers to fire employees as well then?
Bernd Laurent
No. because there are many laws and regulations about work but none about breaking up. It's done by your own rules.
coskuri
A text in 2016 is like a letter in 1900. It all depends on the wording, style, timing.
That does not mean it's your last word. It's possible to 'strike the news' of the break up by text after you've checked the person at home, gets privacy or for some, the support of a good friend/relative. As the receiver I'd prefer it to getting the bad surprise in a public place, at work, at the church just at the point of saying 'yes'... After the announce and when the shock has been overcome, you can meet again and discuss longly about the reasons, the custody of the cat, etc.
The case in different. In Japan, firing by mail is nearly a polite way. Another option is the employer never sending the mail to give your next schedule and mission.
WA4TKG
In this society (and I DO mean the domestic one here), people will avoid confrontation of ANY type. Here you are asking if it's " O.K. " to break up via Texting....no doubt it's been going on since the advent of Texting. My ex told me she was leaving me, over the PHONE, (when I was in Iraq) and I had JUST been at HOME for TWO WEEKS, and she never said a word. Yeah, SURE; why NOT ? ANYthing to avoid "Confrontation".
Fox Sora Winters
In a word: No. If you're going to rip someone's heart out, at least leave them with a little dignity. Breaking up via text or IM is also disrespectful, cowardly, and in many cases can prevent your ex from finding closure, at least from finding it quickly. You could leave them thinking that not breaking up face to face means that you still love them but can't face your feelings. You could inadvertently leave them hanging for months or even years that way.
Thunderbird
just yesterday I went with my girl and her parents to a wonderful England-themed restaurant/village in the middle of nowhere (west Kyoto prefecture), magic place, wonderful food, but I noticed a couple the next table, the girl clearly wanting to talk and enjoy the atmosphere, but the guy simply couldn't stop e-mailing and lining, nothing of my business but I kind felt bad for the girl..
I have a bad experience with breaking up by sms, some 10 years ago, when a hottie just entered the office and after a week knowing her better decided to leave my ex by a text message. What I didn't know is that the girl entered the company to take my position, leaving me 2 weeks later without a job and a girlfriend. Instant karma.
stormcrow
Case by case. It depends mainly on the personalities involved and the length and depth of the relationship.
Breaking up is really hard, but there are plenty of fish in the sea so it's time to go fishing, especially for those with a broken heart. In a way, it's kind of like riding horses, if one throws you off, then you get right back on. Don't give up! There are plenty of opportunities out there.
goldorak
Depends on how long you've been with the person. Up to one-two months, yeah fine was it a relationship anyway?! After that nope.
Unless you have a ' good' reason not to see the bloke/girl (I.e. you found he/she had some non pixelated porn on his/her laptop now thats a reason to use the angry line panda. Who's laughing now?!)
smithinjapan
Tamarama: "Between two reasonable people, texting a breakup is weak, selfish, disrespectful and completely lacking in empathy. It is a sad indictment on the 'doer' imo. Be a grown up and do it properly."
Define 'proper'. I happen to agree that if it was a long-lasting, loving relationship at some point then it should be done face to face, but who are we to tell others what is or is not proper in their personal lives, especially if much of their relationship revolved around SNS to begin with?
TakahiroDomingo
communication between humans now is mostly digital. propose or break up digitally is a sign of the times. however, you still need skin to skin that no digitization can substitute