Hiroyuki Egami

Japan’s unpopular men and women boycott love

By Patrick W Galbraith

TOKYO —

With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, many of us anticipate romance — or at least some “giri” chocolate. But not a certain breed of Internet-dwelling Japanese. They call themselves “himote,” or “the unpopular,” and they’re seeking asylum from the tyranny of love.

“Himote” perceive a gender bias in Japanese society — a bias against men. They reject the idea that guys must slave to accumulate capital and win women, and that romance is necessary for a fulfilled existence. With love on the back burner and time and energy to burn, these outsiders say they are happier, and smarter, than the average man.

The typical “himote” is an intelligent sort who is painfully shy and has difficulty communicating, and so spends a lot of time online. There are male and female “himote,” called “mo-otoko” and “mo-jo,” respectively.

A popular outlet for them is 2channel, Japan’s largest anonymous BBS site, but autonomous communities are on the rise. The Himote Army on Mixi, for instance, has 1,659 registered members, all of whom have passed a test to authenticate their “himote-ness.”

In November, “himote” got a networking site of their very own: Himote SNS. In its very first month, the community attracted 15,000 members, running the gamut from self-identified “human waste” and male virgins to “home security guards” (that is, unemployed layabouts). Eighty-eight percent of users are between the ages of 20 and 40, and four out of five are male. Another 10% describe themselves as “mo-jo,” and the rest are “nekama,” or virtual drag queens. The rules of engagement: if you get a girlfriend, you are banned; members can only talk about “himote” topics; comments by “riajyuu,” or those “satisfied in real life,” are not allowed.

“The site was originally founded so that the people who spend Christmas alone writing on 2channel could help one another get through it,” says Hiroyuki “Ega-chan” Egami, the founder of Himote SNS. “It is a place to go get companionship when you need it.”

Egami, a salaryman by day who operates as many as 100 websites as a hobby, is a self-proclaimed “himote” who is more interested in chitchat than pillow talk. He organizes regular offline meetings, like the Himote Conference in December which drew some 200 people to Loft/Plus One in Shinjuku. At the event, “shaberibeta,” or those with difficulty speaking, were given their own special zone, and paper bags were passed out at the entrance for those who were too embarrassed to show their faces. Of course, couples and anyone looking too smug were turned away at the door. Egami elicited cheers when he took the stage and said, “‘Riajyuu,’ drop dead!”

With Valentine’s Day approaching, the group stands resolute. Their meeting, “Can I make 100 friends? Drenched in Loneliness Valentine’s Special!” will be held at Loft/Plus One just after midnight on Feb 13, in the opening hours of Valentine’s Day. Egami is hoping 200 people will attend to help ring in the holiday. The price of commiserating is 2,000 yen, but women get in free (no minors of either sex allowed). The online sister event, “Valentine’s Day Crush,” will take place on Oshaberi TV later that evening from 9-10 p.m.

Despite his extreme approach, Egami says he’s only against romance in the real world insofar as it limits the potential for personal realization. “‘Himote’ is a culture, it is an ideology,” he insists. “It’s about being satisfied with who we are before we go looking for partners. If we do that, we realize we don’t need them to be happy. ‘Himote’ camaraderie grows from that understanding.”

For more information (in Japanese), see the Himote SNS at http://motetai.egachan.net or Hiroyuki Egami’s blog at http://tinyurl.com/egami-blog. Oshaberi TV can be accessed at www.oshaberitv.com.

This story originally appeared in Metropolis magazine (www.metropolis.co.jp).

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Latest 15 of 52 Total Comments Show All

whyamiinjapan at 01:29 PM JST - 5th February

I think it's good they feel like they can hang together. Even though they are "outsiders" and "weird", etc. they need someplace to go and people to talk to like themselves. That's very important.
dr_jones at 02:16 PM JST - 5th February

There's also another word for these people: Emo! (see here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emo#Fashionandstereotype)
m5c32 at 02:52 PM JST - 5th February

So... it's all about monetization, really. See, I would have believed this Aspergers' pretender, but then he turns around and wants to charge 2000 to attend this "event". Next year it's goinna be 2000 attendees and more money for him --bet he gets outed for having a --gasp-- serious relationship, but he prolly already has an excuse worked out for that.
sf2k at 03:45 PM JST - 5th February

Japan is weird, these people are weird, blah blah blah blah blah... Every country has its unique cultures and people including the country YOU come from. THINK before you type.

yes that's true, but this is painfully weird, weirder than weird. Sad and sorry for a whole generation of kids written off.

This is so weird that...(complete this...)
space_monkey at 05:39 PM JST - 5th February

I am glad these freaks have formed their own group to make friends.
Perhaps it has something to do with the collapse of Nova.
There are no more English teachers to suck emotionally dry.

I must have taught a dozen of these losers.

I taught a 40 year old virgin engineer a couple of years back who still lived with his mom!
Blue_Tiger at 10:37 PM JST - 5th February

Hows about gettin' off O' the internet and getting a real life? That may get you some love....or at the very least, some giri chocolate....
Ranger_Miffy at 07:46 PM JST - 6th February

st2k...eventually, Train Main/Densha-otoko pulled through, and his fellow geeks applauded him mightily. I hope they are happily married with kids if wanted, and having a great life!
Athletes at 10:05 AM JST - 7th February

Romance is good for young and successful people. It is very sweet for them. In the reality, some people will be ended up with single for rest of the life. It is their destiny. Not everyone need to settle with family and kids. Depending on his or her health condition, economic circumstances, social interaction, tolearance of other and taste of the opposite sex. Instead of living with someone without chemistry, loneliness is preferable.

It is not suprsing that lonely people will want to establish their same interest group. They deserve to find the people in the same boat. It will make them comfortable and more socialable. It is like a senior citizens club or rehabilation centre.
johnnyboy73 at 03:43 PM JST - 7th February

Maybe if some of these guys would get out from behind their computer, shower, comb their hair, brush their teeth and go out and try to communicate with women they would have better luck. I have to say that most japanese men I have met are cowards when it comes to approaching women. Forget the cultural tabos. Some traditions are worth saving and others need to be broken in the name of progress,particularly when getting a date is the main focus :-)
ykata at 05:37 PM JST - 7th February

Just reintroduce the traditional "Omiai".
Antonios_M at 06:26 AM JST - 9th February

Japan is weird, these people are weird, blah blah blah blah blah... Every country has its unique cultures and people including the country YOU come from. THINK before you type.

You are so right... Thats a phenomenon which comes from the shyness and attitude of some members of the Japanese society. However, its effects like the "himote" culture is just a part of the modern Japanese society.
lordomni at 04:02 PM JST - 9th February

This isn't any weirder than goths or emo. Just a little bit stranger, perhaps. Less of a fashion sense. : )

THough I admit having a valentines day event for people supposedly turning their backs on love is a bit suspicious.
ca1ic0cat at 06:00 AM JST - 11th February

Maybe they should have a street party in Akihabara on Saturday. That might be fun. It could be called the un-love-in. Or maybe the soaplands will give discounts? Oh, wait, they are boycotting love, not sex....
arsseb at 01:01 PM JST - 16th February

cool
arsseb at 01:01 PM JST - 16th February

cool