61% of single men aged 18-34 have no girlfriend; 49% of women unattached: survey

TOKYO —

A survey conducted by the National Institute of Population and Social Security Research revealed that 61.4% of single men aged 18-34 do not have a girlfriend and that 49% of single women in the same age range do not have a boyfriend.

The institute, which is part of the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare, conducts the survey every five years. It released the results of its latest survey, conducted in 2010, on its website this week.

The survey was given to 14,000 unmarried people, asking them multiple-choice questions about their opinions on marriage. Among the main reasons given by both men and women for not being married were: “I don’t know how to start a relationship with a member of the opposite sex,” I don’t want to lose my independence,” and “I don’t have enough money to get married.”

However, more than 80% of both male and female respondents said they would like to get married at some stage “if they can find someone suitable.”

Japan Today

  • 0

    globalwatcher

    What is a main cause of this in Japan? Is life too stressful , or no sex drive at all?
    I am curious to read what JT people say on this topic.

    if they can find someone suitable

    Fail, no, they have to be the rght person first instead.

  • -1

    some14some

    an improvement over last survey (?) doubtful.

  • 1

    Amanda Harlow

    No confidence. No time. No energy. Fear of taking a risk. I have J-girlfriends who commute for 3 hours a day, go home to the suburbs at weekends to sleep/do laundry/watch TV with their parents....that lifestyle isn't conducive to meeting someone and feeling sexy. Sad.

  • 3

    Laguna

    What's up with the 12% deviation? Are the women dating older men - or married men?

  • 1

    frank07

    61% men minus 49% women = 12%

    Either 12% of women are lying or 12% of men really do have a girlfriend but are totally oblivious.

  • 19

    Farmboy

    Maybe the boys have boyfriends, and the girls have girlfriends, and the survey didn't ask the right questions...

  • 4

    recherche88

    re the 12% - some of the women who have boyfriends are going out with a guy who is seeing more than one woman?

  • 0

    alladin

    The main cause behind all of this is that both males and females in Japan has a more of a relationship with their cell phones than anything else. Both men and women in Japan does not know how to start a relationship because they are too much into their own things than trying to make any kind of contact with anyone. I have been living in Japan for 10 years now and while in Japan I have taken notice that both men and women in Japan dont really talk to each other about relationships at all. Everytime you see a man and a women together in Japan, its usually for a business conversation. It`s a sad fact, but they both really seem to be so stuck up in any many situations.

  • 1

    JonathanJo

    Why does NIPSSR need to waste taxpayers' money surveying so many people? A statistically accurate result can be obtained by asking a random sample of size equal to the square-root of the relevant population. I'm sure there aren't 168 million (14 thousand squared) unattached Japanese.

  • 0

    CrazyJoe

    What do you expect in a country where over 60% of unmarried 25 - 44 year old men and women still live with parents. Many of them don't have a need for a partner, I suggest a romantic relationship with a partner will solve many of their problems if they have any. There is nothing better than having a romantic relationship.

  • -2

    miyazawa3

    Something wrong with this statistics.. ok 61% Single men have no girl friends that means in other words 39% of them have a girl friend or more. same age range 49% woman do not have boy friend.. in other words 51% of them have a boy friend or more.
    Anywhere in the world woman population is more than men.. but in Japan men are more than woman..? are those men are from Mars..?

  • -5

    realdoll

    What country are they talking about?

  • -6

    Elbuda Mexicano

    Maybe these young boys are getting good loving from their local brothels?? Keeping the oldest profession in the world alive??

  • 0

    SelhurstBootBoys

    Maybe many are gay or bisexual.

  • 2

    John Shiomi

    I think that the problem between communication between men and women in Japan may begin at school. In elementary school boys and girls are often separated by sex... when they line up and where they sit. I think they become ultra sensitive about their sex and feel strong separation by it. Also, kids in school are rarely given the chance to talk about how they feel openly in class. They are rarely given the chance to really express how they feel. Some school have students express their thoughts and feelings in diaries given by the school but this may be hurting their ability to express themselves orally. I cant quite fully understand it by there is something about the Japanese culture that seems to be preventing people from opening up to each other and connecting with other people - especially of the opposite sex.

  • 3

    nutsagain

    Ditto the poster about the relationship with cellphones. Many people I see on dates are texting someone whilst the partner is doing the same thing across the other side of the same table. Either that or looking glum, disinterested or otherwise disengaged. There is a core of the Japanese people that is loneliness itself. Most men reminisce about 'ba chans' 'ne chans' 'ka sans' . The females all pine for a South Korean actor who is a snappy dresser, has a medical degree, has figured out the cure for cancer, a Ferrari and a love of whipping up French quisine at a moment's notice for the Japanese lady-friend. A great many just cannot shake off the millstone which in this society is and education system which simply discourages the notion that it's ok to be me.

  • 1

    zichi

    I have five young female friends all around 30-years who I see very often. All are very beautiful and intelligent. None of them currently have boyfriends and all still live with their parents. They do have relationships with guys but now they are all looking for the right life partner.

  • 2

    SelhurstBootBoys

    Congratulations Mr Zichi, why not share your wisdom and help them find happiness.

  • -4

    Foxie

    Of course every woman wants to have the South Korean actor, no doubt about that. Instead, we see boring, can't do anything, whining otakus here. What freaking woman would date someone like that, let alone marry? Japan, bring back military service and make responsible men out of your boys.

  • 3

    Goals0

    About the figure of 61% of men without partners as opposed to 49% of women: The age group surveyed is 18-34. On the average women go for older men, more women aged 30 to 34 would be going out with guys aged 35 to 40 than the other way round. This will skew the figures. (From a man who has always had time for women a little older than himself).

  • 3

    DenTok2009

    “if they can find someone suitable.” Just as globalwatcher says, "they have to be the right person first instead." Methinks many of these Japanese girls are expecting a perfect romance. They are glued to the boobtube and want to meet their boyfriend/future husband in a fairytale like setting. One girl I met told me she and her live in boyfriend didn't hit it off and she readily admitted they probably weren't in love and they were more like siblings (kyodai mitai na kanji). The guys I know are busy working and pursuing their interests in their free time. One guy I know in his mid twenties pays the rent for the house his family (both parents working as caregivers, a younger sister just starting college) lives in. He told me he works and works out. I thought why is this cute young hardworking guy single?! Also agree with the other posters that perhaps the other singles who don't have a boy/girlfriend were perhaps asked the wrong question... they might be gay. The question should be: Are you in a relationship? instead of If you are a girl, do you have a boyfriend? If you are a boy, do you have a girlfriend?

  • -3

    globalwatcher

    whining otakus here

    Foxie, what's otaku? Is it defined as a man/woman avoiding responsibility?

  • 2

    Bogi

    These stats sound pretty accurate. More than half the J-guys I know in that age group don't have a girl (and no prospects), and the ones that do have 2 or 3.

  • 7

    Serrano

    The 61% of the men with no GF are the smart ones with money.

    The 49% of the women with no BF are simply the smart ones.

  • -5

    Foxie

    globalwatcher: Otaku is a Japanese term used to refer to people with obsessive interests, particularly anime, manga or video games. Men, get a real hobby, go outside and do something physical, that's what women want!

  • 10

    JapanGal

    Maybe no boy friends or girl friends, but the love hotels sure seem packed all the time. I know :-)

  • 8

    proxy

    Sexual appetite is controlled by the frontal lobe of the brain which goes through a neuron "pruning" process during adolescence. Lack of sleep impairs the pruning process, besides messing up hormone levels. All high school age children and young adults need between 8 1/2 and 9 1/2 hours of sleep for proper brain development.

    Young Japanese people just do not get enough sleep which may be the cause behind retarded sexual development.

    The happiest 17 year old boys I ever met in Japan were the three local boys who dropped out of school after junior high. They also seemed to always have girlfriends as well.

    Japan is a nation of brain damaged youth.

  • 3

    Jotter Verhaeghe

    Why does NIPSSR need to waste taxpayers' money surveying so many people? A statistically accurate result can be obtained by asking a random sample of size equal to the square-root of the relevant population. I'm sure there aren't 168 million (14 thousand squared) unattached Japanese.

    This is because they took examples from different regions in Japan. If you take the square-root of the smaller parts you will get a higher number.

    These statistics however need to be combined with marriage statistics. A huge chunk of the ikemen and popular women might be married already. This means not everyone is as single as you would think.

    The biggest problem is that in the dating game in Japan, usually from the guy's point of view, you need money to play. This means that just going for any girl is a bad idea. From a girl's point of view, there is lots of time consumed by girlfriend's parties, so using what time is left for a guy not worth it is a bad idea. This means that a bastard who doesn't call them, but is rich and good looking, might cause them less trouble than a stable 'boring' guy. The biggest problem may be that the ideal partnership in Japan is based on an old socio-economical model and when this happens, people wait.

  • 1

    borscht

    The 12% of the women who have a boyfriend are not dating someone in the 'proper' age group. i.e. If she's 34 and her boyfriend is 35, he's not in the 'proper' age group (as defined by the government, of course.) Also, if she's 18 and dating a classmate who happens to be 17, they are not counted.

    While this applies to the men, too, obviously they are dating less or not at all; not all of them are gay. What is the percent of gay humans in the world 5%?

  • -4

    John Constantine

    61% of single men aged 18-34 have no girlfriend...that sounds weird. If you have a girlfreind then you are not "Single"..should it not read "100% of SINGLE men have no girlfriend" hence...the word Single...meaning "one".. etc. If they would have said "61% of unmarried men have no girlfriend"...that I could understand. Try standing next to your girlfriend and say "I'm Single"...that will go over real well.

    Maybe I am reading it wrong.....?

  • 3

    serendipitous

    This is good news! For every two women I ask out, there is a good chance at least one of them will say yes!

  • -1

    globalwatcher

    Foxie, thank you. I will send you "specially you Foxie" a bunch of football guys from US. They are a all big macho-macho guys!! They are all beasts with loving hearts.

  • 0

    dolphingirl

    61% of single men aged 18-34 have no girlfriend...that sounds weird. If you have a girlfreind then you are not "Single"..should it not read "100% of SINGLE men have no girlfriend" hence...the word Single...meaning "one".. etc. If they would have said "61% of unmarried men have no girlfriend"...that I could understand. Try standing next to your girlfriend and say "I'm Single"...that will go over real well.

    Excellent point. I guess they are defining 'single' as being unmarried.

    Sexual appetite is controlled by the frontal lobe of the brain which goes through a neuron "pruning" process during adolescence. Lack of sleep impairs the pruning process, besides messing up hormone levels. All high school age children and young adults need between 8 1/2 and 9 1/2 hours of sleep for proper brain development.

    Interesting theory. I wouldn't be surprised if there were some truth to this. The reasons surely have to be more than just external or culture. There must be something biological coming into play.

    I think that the problem between communication between men and women in Japan may begin at school. In elementary school boys and girls are often separated by sex... when they line up and where they sit. I think they become ultra sensitive about their sex and feel strong separation by it

    Yes, noticed this as well. There is very little mixing of the genders throughout junior high and high school. It's no wonder that many Japanese find the opposite sex a total mystery and have no idea how to have a relationship.

  • 4

    globalwatcher

    Sexual appetite is controlled by the frontal lobe of the brain which goes through a neuron "pruning" process during adolescence. Lack of sleep impairs the pruning process,

    Very interesting post, proxy. Only during adolescence? I am a man with a 8 hrs good night sleep and a BIG rontal lobe. I am a happy camper and am still in love with a woman of my life. She is my boss!! LOL

    That's a secret of successful relationship.

  • 5

    FernandoUchiyama

    I guess this is a social problem. Too much control from parents when kid, lack of freedom, too much responsabilities and duties, too much rules and the list goes on...

    The japanese are not free. They are a kind of modern slaves. In the western we are modern slaves too, with the difference we are allowed to be ourselves and to live our lives. In Japan a normal person must lick everyone boots, play characters. Definetly, this is not good envirnoment to have happy marriages.

  • 4

    zichi

    SelhurstBootBoys,

    Last week I found a very nice boyfriend for one of them, so one down and four to go!

  • -3

    gogogo

    Japan just doesn't care about their aging population, take a look at the rent prices in Tokyo at the moment, going down and down and down... they are even offering x moths free rent these days.

  • 5

    Disillusioned

    It is all to do with lifestyle. Most Japanese, both men and women work 50-60 hours a week or more and if they are not working they are sleeping, cleaning or shopping. How do they spawn a relationship under those circumstances? Most couples in Japan are either high school sweethearts or they met at work. One could also include the binge drinking when they do go out. As I have said before, there is very little love in this country. Have a look at the older couples on the trains. They sit next to each other as if they were strangers. The wife keeps the purse and the husband keeps his alcohol. There is also the 'I wanna get married and have a baby' speech that comes from the women. I am yet to meet a Japanese girl in her 30's that didn't give me that speech in the first month of dating. A great way to scare off the guys, gals! It is a land of 130 million strangers.

  • 3

    kchoze

    I think many factors will explain this.

    First, the loss of community because of technology. More and more, people cut off their interactions in real-life for "online communities" of people with shared interests. This limits physical interactions that are really useful to generate physical attraction, one key to a stable romantic relationship.

    Second, the Japanese work too long (not necessarily hard, mind you) and commute too far. This cuts down massively on the amount of time they can have to socialize.

    Third, social attitudes have fostered a mentality in boys to avoid seeming aggressive. A new generation is brought up told to avoid "seku hara" by avoiding making "moves" on others unless they are certain of reciprocal attraction. Even relatively harmless sexual behavior can be labeled inappropriate and condemned. Note: I am not saying that sexual harassment is OK, it's not, but organizations have erred too much on the side of caution by extending the definition too much. Here's a hint: harassment by definition means something that is repeated, persistent, hitting on a coworker is not harassment... refusing to take no for an answer and attempting to wear her resistance down IS.

    It can be seen in Japanese fiction nowadays, the archetype of a young boy/man is now a chronically shy, repressed person, not the daring, happy-go-lucky boys of past generations. At the same time, most women are thought to be passive. The end result is that less and less people are making moves on each other, and of course this limits the possibilities of meeting new people for romantic relationships.

    I think a lot of the problems are cultural, and cultural problems are the hardest to reverse. You can't force people to meet new people and go out with them.

  • 2

    tmarie

    Women here have grown up expecting that they should get the best - hot guy with a great job who will a) buy them presents and pay for everything b) listen to whatever they say c) are able to cook, clean and look after the kids while they... sit on their butts and "look after the house". Men aren't able to do this and these guys don't measure up to such expectations. The media has created this notion that Korean/white guys are able to do this and some women here think that they are entitled to a princess lifestyle and when reg Jo Japan doesn't do all of the above, they don't want him.

    Japanese guys on the other hand are working their butts off, commuting long hours and know they can't measure up to the change so... some will sit at home and play games, others will pay for it and others will nampa and enjoy their single life. The single life will only stop when "Oh no! I'm pregnant" happens - which now accounts for something like 50% of marriages.

    The single guys I know have a realistic view of marriage and the future. The women? Nope. Spoiled princesses who have expect far too much while not giving their fair share.

  • 1

    YongYang

    Maybe so, but they are certainly not not having sexual relations. Everything from 'date' online to delivery health all the shades of pink you can think. They're at it.

  • 6

    johninnaha

    Ten percent of all car thieves are left-handed. All polar bears are left-handed. Therefore, if your car is stolen, there's a 10 percent chance it was stolen by a polar bear.

    I mention this to point out how ridiculous statistics can become.

    1) Not all men aged 18-34 were asked if they had a girlfriend, only a percentage of 14,000.

    2) Of these, a large number might have been lying.

    In any case, what on Earth does it matter? Is this what we are paying taxes for?

  • 1

    kurisupisu

    I have to agree that a lot of Japanese girls don't think further than the next brand bag to add to their collection. The mirror is their best friend and the hardest mental workout is what to pair with their brown dyed hair. Social networking sites allow them to compare and contrast socially their likes and dislikes with friends far afield that can be met once a year or so,if ever.

    The thought of a social partner earning less than 5 million yen per year (mum's brainwashing) is to be avoided. Expectations are high and but there is always 'papa' at the company or bar who can be relied upon for financial support if the the girl is poor.Girls with more brain cells try and carve out a life for themselves at a large company or start up something by themselves.Guys are then likely to be low down on the list of priorities.

    When mid life starts to come around the hormones kick in and the most convenient guy is grabbed and marriage is undertaken - often with tragic results.The woman is likely to continue work as the husband's salary is not sufficient.Tensions build and child rearing becomes problematic.The divorce rate is soaring and single parent families are on the rise.

    Couple this growing trend with Japan's myriad other woes at present and we can see that the population here is to dwindle even more.

  • 2

    kchoze

    @johninnaha

    What does it matter? If a large proportion of young people have difficulty finding romantic partners and getting married, even when they want to, it matters because:

    A- it's likely a social problem for them, it is unhappiness and unfulfillment which may lead to psychological problems. Psychological problems of individuals are social problems for everyone. B- If the new generation doesn't marry or marry very late, it may mean that the birth rate of Japan will go even below its already pathetic level, which will make it that much harder for Japan to support its aging population while maintaining a strong economy.

    Do you see why it matters for society?

  • -2

    MeLuvULongTimes

    The reason for this is because Japan is the world's superpower in WTF, NSFW and Forever Alone!

  • 1

    skroknog

    It's a survey guys. They did not interview everybody in Japan to get the results so obviously there is going to be some deviation in percentages.

  • -1

    RealJapan

    A few reasons: 1) too dependent on parents 2) care too much about what their parent(s) or boss thinks 3) men wear too much make-up and carry girl keychains around believing it is the manly thing to do - as such have become too female like 4) no university manual on how to date 5) females have become off balanced and become too masculine (exception of work and career). I am ready to be bashed but had to keep it Real!

  • -1

    tmarie

    Kuri - well said!

    I think the marriage rate for women goes up obnce they hot 30 because the clock starts ticking. They either marry the first guy that comes along, trap someone else "oh I am pregnant" or become those OL's that you see in flower print kid's clothes who live with mom and dad.

    Indeed there are some strange, strange men out there - otaku - but I think the princesses who refuse to even think about working just as hard are the men certainly outnumber them. I blame their mothers. The entitlement of some of the women here is shocking. I feel for those women who have a good head on their shoulder, want a career get passed over based on the actions of their female counterparts who quit as soon as the ring goes on. Those are the women whom I feel for.

  • 3

    Blair Herron

    61.4% of single men aged 18-34 do not have a girlfriend

    Because (my person observation and opinion)

    *They like AKB girls(girls next door kind) better than the real girls next door.

    *They fall in love with anime character and prefer imaginary girlfriend to a girl in real.

    *The number of 草食男子(soshoku danshi) is on the rise. They are basically not interested in girls at all.

    *The number of Otaku guys is on the rise. They are basically afraid of girls because they are often called “Kimoi”=”ewww” by girls, and they are traumatized.

    *The number of Mazakon (Mother-con=mommy's boy) is as high as ever. Their girlfriend has to be just like his mother.

  • 0

    LH10

    “I don’t know how to start a relationship with a member of the opposite sex,” I don’t want to lose my independence,” and “I don’t have enough money to get married.”

    lol sounds like me ><'

  • 1

    tmarie

    **They are basically not interested in girls at all. **

    Can you blame them though? These guys grow up knowing that women only view then as a cash machine or present buyer. I don't think I would be in a rush to marry a local girl either if I was a Japanese male.

    Indeed, the number of otaku has risen but I think the number of mother con has dropped in recent years to be honest. There are more people living on their own than ever before. Mind you, that may mean they are at home with their anime and games but they are out of the house.

    I wish the decent folks would met, marry and raise smart kids. Sadly, and not just Japan, it always seems that those who really shouldn't have kids are the ones that have them - and many at that!!

  • -1

    LH10

    tmarie Nov. 27,post

    your so right

  • 3

    oberst

    to gaijins ( married or otherwise )....................this is a target rich environment. Cheers

  • 2

    Blair Herron

    **They are basically not interested in girls at all. ** Can you blame them though? These guys grow up knowing that women only view then as a cash machine or present buyer.

    I meant Soshoku danshi are basically not interested in girls at all, not J-guys in general.

    I also meant 草食男子, not 装飾男子

    http://elpweb.com/onjapan/soshoku-danshi/

    http://www.cnngo.com/tokyo/shop/totally-new-soshoku-danshi-189483

  • -1

    RealJapan

    @Japangal and LH10. Too funny.

  • 1

    naruhodo1

    What % of those single people unattractive? Ive noticed all the pretty people dress well, smell nice, take care of themselves, have nice haircuts, fashionable, should i go on?

  • -9

    luckshines

    Yes, noticed this as well. There is very little mixing of the genders throughout junior high and high school. It's no wonder that many Japanese find the opposite sex a total mystery and have no idea how to have a relationship.

    They are made to sit next to members of the opposite sex whenever possible in elementary and high school. The divide is purely psychological, and the school system imagines that divide can be closed by simple physical proximity to boys and girls they may not like or may like but are not prepared to sit next to everyday. And these things only increase the psychological divide.

    What they need are role models and positive encouragement. But what would that entail? Teachers dating openly and even flirting with students, that's what. And for all of the griping people do about how permissive Japan is, Japan is and always has been less permissive on things like that than the west. The students don't know teachers are dating if and until they get married. Then one of them is promplty shipped elsewhere. Teachers are not allowed to date students even at other schools in the district even if the student is of legal age even if the teacher is not even a high school teacher.

    So there you go. No positive encouragement, no role models. Forced to sit next to members of the opposite sex even if they are not ready or interested. And they spend tremendous amounts of time at school and that time is highly regulated and regimented. Throw into that natural shyness and self-conciousness. Its no surprise they come out handicapped relationship-wise.

    What is sad is that now the west is also leaning toward making teachers appear as robots in an effort to curb scandal and dating of students. And so, they don't know where to begin, never having seen a real world example, except for married couples. But you do not begin a relationship with marriage.

  • 5

    Farmboy

    As an ALT I ask the students if they have love interests.

    Don't.

  • -6

    luckshines

    Don't.

    And that is exactly why they grow up to be social retards. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. The system and fear to do anything about it ensures they never grow in this regard.

    You just cannot have it both ways folks. Either you allow them and help them to grow up, or you stop being surprised that they never do.

  • -2

    Samantha Zoe Aso

    Tmarie. Totally agree with you. Lifelong employment in Japan is becoming a thing of the past with more and more employment on contracts. I know so many Japanese 'housewives' with kids all in school or grown up/ moved away who still won't get a job even though hubby is now working two jobs tonmake ends meet! Younger guys looking at their parent's relationship or at the boss's relationship might just decide that the single life with the odd romp in a professional 'refreshment centre' is a he'll of a lot more stress free and satisfying!

  • 1

    timtak

    The Japanese are wide awake regarding the difference between the sexes, who want different things with some overlap: the men want sex, the women want children. This is obvious, but somehow Westerners often fail to see it, with their religion of "love." We are brought up to believe that "She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah" means the same as "He loves her, dobyu-" when in fact we are talking about very different things.

    Does the cuckoo love the birds who's nest in which it lays its eggs? Do the cuckoo chicks love the birds that raise them? Your Japanese wife is a cuckoo, your children are cuckoo chicks. They are lovable even so all the same.

  • 1

    dolphingirl

    Either you allow them and help them to grow up, or you stop being surprised that they never do.

    You hit the nail on the head!

  • -1

    Virtuoso

    Statistics aside, I do get the feeling that younger Japanese have become increasingly dysfunctional. It's almost like adult-acquired autism. I've read some stories that blame it on the chemicals that are extruded from styrofoam when they eat all those cup noodles and convenience store foods -- says their hormones are all screwed up.

  • 0

    DentShop

    Well my home country has A LOT of single men and women. I know quite a few of them and they are single for a reason. Shallow, insensitive morons who cannot take care of themselves let alone someone else. Unambitious, boring man-children and frumpy, vile-tongued harpies. Not saying Japan is the same (although I know a few that fit the category) but I do meet people here who are over 30 and then I find out they have never been in a serious relationship. Sometimes it is obvious why.... other times I have to wait a few minutes. Their mothers are the real victims though (if you ask them...)

  • 0

    Blair Herron

    The most popular guys among Japanese girls are called ロールキャベツ男子[roru kyabetsu danshi] (stuffed cabbage men). He looks nice and sort of feminine, but when he takes off his shirt, he is actually macho or his personality inside is macho!!!

    The saddest guys are 昆虫男子[konchu danshi] (insect men). They chase girls, but the girls just ignore them or scream "ewwww"!!!

    http://www.cnngo.com/tokyo/none/insect-men-latest-antisocial-japanese-males-266064

  • -1

    tmarie

    Teachers dating openly and even flirting with students, that's what. WTF?? Sorry but no. Teachers should never flirt with students, nor date them - and that goes for uni students as well. If anyone needs to deal with this, it is the parents. However, let's look at role models their parents are. Unhappy marriages, dad who is never home, mom who doesn't work and is either smothering the kids or doesn't care... Very rarely do I see families out for dinner who speak to each other let alone look like a happy family.

    Timtak, the problem is the girls here seem to want their cake and eat it too. They want passion, love, want to be treated like a princess and on top of that, want their man to work their balls off, hand over their bank card and what do these guys get back? The guys are well aware of this and are shunning it. The girls are well aware that many men out their aren't going to be making enough for them to sit at home and are holding out for something better. Not going to happen. The guys have years of being able to have kids and a family. The women? Nope. There are going to be a lot of unhappy households when these women realise their time is limited and marry whatever they can get - they will be bitter that they didn't get what their mommy promised them. The women here want the love, the passion... they see on TV but fail to understand that a) that isn't always possible and b) it takes a heck of a lot of work

    Sam, 100% agree with you. If I was a guy here, I wouldn't be keen for marriage. I know a few guys who have done what you expected - why? Cheaper and less stressful than a date, easy to get up and leave and not worry about it. Can't say I really "agree" with the whole notion of it but certainly can see their opinions on it. Good looking guys, smart, good jobs who don't want a nagging housewife for a wife.

  • 6

    DS

    I blame the whole "parasite single" phenomenon for this. Take a 30 year old OL, living at home, no chores to do, no rent/expenses to pay, mom makes her lunch, can spend her entire income on her selfish self. She has no experience trying to look after herself. What incentive does she have to marry, start to budget her money, learn to compromise with her man, possible (gasp) learn a little self sacrifice...

    Parents who enable their children to stay children well into their twenties and thirties are a big problem.

    Some of my students ask me the best way to get a girl (me being the grizzled veteran of a 20 year marriage). My answer? Cook. Invite a girl back to your place for a home cooked meal. A nice pasta, few bottles of wine, watch a DVD or two, then oh no the last train's gone already...

    Great advice, but if they still live at home, they are shafted. Young people need privacy and independence to begin starting adult relationships with each other. If they can't even act as adults themselves, the whole process is dead on arrival.

  • 3

    vctokyo

    unfortunately the men are too busy being single..i have too many j male friends who like being single in their late 30s and would rather wait until mid late 40s to marry and not to a lady in her 30s, they are stilling looking for a lady in her 20s...i really dont understand..but its their life...i happily married my j wife in her 30s (same age) and life is just grand.

  • 1

    bajhista65

    Hahaha.... what a survey. Geeezzzzzz. This surveyor is just wasting time and money. They just don't want commitments, attachments and more responsibilities. They just wanted to work, study or date whenever they feel like and stay free of having obligations to their GF or BF. Let the girls enjoy their womanhood until they are real ready to settle down and be responsible mother and wife and vis a vis. Not like that young mother who killed her 4 year old son by beating him just because he wet himself. Now will this NIPSSR organization do a good and sensible survey that will help Japan to recover from economic problems causing unemployment. Or make a survey about mothers and fathers who mistreated their children badly. And find the causes of their cruel and brutal actions.

  • 2

    seesaw1

    Reasons for being unattached: For male, they don't know how to approach women For female, they don't want to marry cheaper salary men

    When I asked my single J female friends who are 38 and above...all of them said, marriage criteria is, rich businessmen or salarymen of 10M Yen annual salary at minimum...! And in my opinion, they are not young to dream of such dreams....and yet they do. Imagine!

    Poor those unattached male, but they just have to live with it. Unless they import some brides from foreign countries...lol.

  • -3

    FernandoUchiyama

    Japanese are too submissive. New generation must argue what the old generation has created instead of stupidly accepting it without questioning. They should be asking around about everything that is odd in Japan. The media should have a big role on this. Newspaper, TV, radio, internet.

  • -3

    choiwaruoyaji

    I think the problem is sex.

    Young people in Japan have a warped view of sex.

    Many young Japanese guys are scared of sex and/or have been consumed by sexual perversions depicted in manga.

    Many young Japanese women see sex as disgusting and even dirty. It's hard to view sex in a positive light if you have been programmed to react positively only to kawaii things and/or designer things.

    When I think back to my younger days, if I am honest, sex was a big incentive to date and meet women.

    If a normal and healthy interest in sex and desire for sex (as part of a relationship) is undermined then this can lead to a disastrous outcome for the numbers of young men and women getting together.

  • 1

    seesaw1

    Many young Japanese women see sex as disgusting and even dirty. It's hard to view sex in a positive light if you have been programmed to react positively only to kawaii things and/or designer things.

    You're joking..? I thought they can't wait to tell the men the 'miss the last' train story..lol

  • 0

    Alphaape

    Many young Japanese guys are scared of sex and/or have been consumed by sexual perversions depicted in manga.

    I tink that is a root cause of the issue also. Have you ever seen the titles of some of the JAV that is out there. I know some of the translations may be off but names that deal with incest and "taboo mother love" seem to be some of the ones that I have seen. Of course these are actors playing the roles, but the thought of the titles that gives some to live believe that they are watching their fantasies is sometimes disturbing.

    If a normal and healthy interest in sex and desire for sex (as part of a relationship) is undermined then this can lead to a disastrous outcome for the numbers of young men and women getting together.

    I think the ease of getting sex without work for both parties, i.e. men going to the soaplands and other areas and women who can join the cell phone clubs or go online for quick hook ups, has taken over in the way of people developing relationships. It is hard to build a relationship through what would be a "normal" courtship process, and you do get rejected. But if young people don't know how to handle rejection, I think they will go the easiest way and try to buy "it" and not put in the effort to build a long term relationship.

  • -1

    RealJapan

    women: How is it possible for a woman to date a man when the guy is always hanging around and socializing with his male friends? During work, after work, during wedding parties - even when going to the bathroom?

    men: Do not know if it is common but was told that men have to give their whole salaries (pay checks) to their wives per month, and it is up to wife to give the husband an allowance if she wants to.  If that is the case perhaps it is cool to hold off on marriage? Who wants to work Monday through Sunday, while their wife parties, travels, go to dancing, singing, beauty, or aerobics class while the husband becomes "sodai gomi" upon retirement?

       

  • -1

    Maitake

    SASUGA :)

  • -1

    The Munya Times

    I don' know how to start a relationship with a member of the opposite sex,

    It seem, they don't know how to start and maintain natural and sincere relationship with the same sex, with their co-workers or anybody else, with any leaving creatures, including animals, pets either. They simply might have no sense of sincere, naturally friendly, open relationship and can't easily associate with others. The young are stuck to computers and are in love with computer image partners who don't talk back.

    In this society human relationships are heavily mechanized, impersonal, disingenuous, full of empty exhausting rituals. Even the tone of their voice, the intonation is so plain and monotonic, boring, feels like I listening talking robots.

    Now, that works excellently to raise their society to a high industrialized level and keep extraordinary discipline to maintain social security and power, but this hypocrisy and empty simulation of human communication fails to work in deeper human relationships and within the family.

    One can go on pretending with poker-face all day all night but if it is required, but when it comes to deeper human relationship, it needs bright eyes, emphatic, naturally friendly, live and meaningful facial expression, true gentle words and a way of speaking that is pleasant to the ears, and a whale of inner values and content. The prefabricated phrases of formal, neutral polite expressions don’t work well to build intimate relationship. That's the point where they fall. They can't attract nobody.

    In addition we might consider the generally self-centered, overly material nature of the Japanese people, their basic attitude that they are the most peaceful, pleasant and polite people in the world until things go on for their favor and they lose temper when the things go against their own will.

    They might long for sex and love as of something they can sweep-in for themselves for more enjoyment but love and sex appear as personal gain for them rather of what they can get than what they could give. It's too much for many of them to be bothered with it, as they put it, mendokusai.

    Their last resort is the matchmaker but seeing the list of their requirements, mostly of women, it rather look like a job recruitment than a partner searching.

  • 0

    Alphaape

    In this society human relationships are heavily mechanized, impersonal, disingenuous, full of empty exhausting rituals. Even the tone of their voice, the intonation is so plain and monotonic, boring, feels like I listening talking robots.

    @ The Munya Times: Good point.

    men: Do not know if it is common but was told that men have to give their whole salaries (pay checks) to their wives per month, and it is up to wife to give the husband an allowance if she wants to. If that is the case perhaps it is cool to hold off on marriage?

    I would say those 61% single men may be smarter than we think.

  • -2

    tokyonice

    As a general rule, most Japanese have an extremely low sex drive. Among of the lowest in the world. It plummets even further after marriage and children. However, I think it's just genetic. That's just how they are made. Over-working is not a reason. It's an excuse. Once your Japanese partner starts to say that, you can bet that your sex-life is pretty much over.
    Truth is, after an exhausting week, there can be nothing more relaxing and pleasurable than making out with your partner. It melts all the stress away. To use over-work as an excuse, is just not quite right.

  • 4

    Xeno23

    What we don't have here is a comparison to other countries. I couldn't find good, equivalent stats after a quick search, but did find the US Census says there are 86 single men for every 100 single women there. If I were to randomly select 10 unmarried guys in the US, if the stats were like Japan, then 6 of them wouldn't have a girlfriend. That might not be too far off anywhere; plus or minus 1 probably.

    Another question is how many of those in relationships are serial practitioners? Do women have more relationships than men? How many of the men in relationships fly from one GF to another? It's imaginable that a smaller subgroup is more mutually active, and monopolizing the larger block of stats.

    Anyway, the real question isn't GF/BF, it's marriage, because that's the socio-economically productive stat. Married people produce children, are forced to work harder, buy more, rack up more debt, etc.

  • -1

    cracaphat

    Women want too much and men don't have enough...game to go get theirs.

  • 2

    YuriOtani

    Marriage is work, marriage is about compromise. These days people are taught that their own needs come first and come now. The Japanese men are overgrown babies too often than not. Having someone at your side who you can truly count on is more important than appearances. My first spouse died of cancer and through the grace of god found another. Yes I think the young men and women expect too much in marriage. This is what drives cheating and divorce. Remember your spouse is not a "prince" or "princess" and work tougher for a successful marriage. Marriage is a "work in progress" and is never a done thing. Again the reason so many are alone is they are not willing to compromise.

  • 1

    mikediab

    @Foxie

    Of course every woman wants to have the South Korean actor, no doubt about that

    1st ,south korean actors are not representative ok korean guys in general, way from it. With females dreamers and unrealistic, maybe that explains the 61% single men of that age?grow up!

  • 6

    tedeibea

    What I've found after being married for 15 years to a J wife (I'm American) is that the sex drive went way down after childbirth. Once the child comes around the wife has "her" baby and hubby is just a paycheck and provider. More of a roommate than husband the past year, cannot even sleep in the same bed with her as she says she is "uncomfortable" sleeping with me now. No sex in three years. When she hit age 40 this year, the "OMG, I'm old now" hit and the wife wants to go back to her youth. Happening now in my marriage. Wife got back in touch with her old boyfriend (first love) from college and is having an emotional affair instead of communicating her feelings to me. Mother-in-law has placed the seed of "Husband supports the family and you don't have to work" mentality and has been trying to get us divorced since year one. May have worked in her generation but not ours, things have risen in cost and most families need a two salary income. We have a teenage daughter who right now cannot stand her mother or grandmother and calls her a b!tch in everyday conversation with me. Wife said I changed in the last 15 years and not the same guy she married. Relationship was really good for first ten years and has been going downhill the last five. A good day is when she is at work and my daughter and I don't have to deal with her. Don't know how long it will last anymore and both my daughter and I are not happy at home.

  • 0

    LostinNagoya

    61% in 2011. Wait until Apple's Siri is able to really have a conversation - in Japanese - with her owner and this figure will go up to 99%.

  • 0

    miyazawa3

    yes Japanese young people becoming by sexuals....its kind of some sick attitudes.
    I see many men looking like woman .... and also it was very hard me to find out some personality's, are belongs to men or a women ..

  • 1

    omicron

    It think this survey is somewhat connected to a new drama called "watashi ga renai dekinai riyuu." Maybe this survey is to gain interest on the show.

  • -3

    LifeIsPain

    Marriage is work, marriage is about compromise.

    And this isn't about marriage! This is about the fact that so many unmarried people don't have boyfriends and girlfriends! Don't jump ahead to marriage! These people cannot even get the ball to start rolling. No sense jumping ahead to talking about rolling the ball down the highway of marriage!

  • -6

    Sunjovi

    Japanese fav. Food have no spice at all, ochaya, onigiri, mijosuru, sushi, udon. I saw my colleages mostly live on 1or 2 onigiri, coffee and cigarettes for a whole day. Second is too much ofuru and sauna. Even in hot summer i see them doing oforu and sauna. Too much ofuru and sauna kills/ relaxed your sex cells in testicals whereas adding spice in your food awakes your sex hormones in brain. I love japanese food and ofuru but it doesnt come in my daily routine.

  • 4

    naruhodo1

    Tedeibei, i feel for ya. Im sure u know this, but i d have an exit plan ready before the sit hits the fan. Good luck.

  • 1

    yasukuni

    Not having a boyfriend or girlfriend is not the end of the world. I can't live without a woman, but maybe some can.

    Having said that, I know lots of nice guys who don't have well paying jobs. They're too nice to just be playboys, but also know that they can't marry because they have no money. It's sad.

    As for the difference in percentages it's simple. Lots of women in Japan prefer much older. And they'll come straight out with the reason - they can be spoiled.

    Instead of bashing Japanese young men, I have some sympathy for them. On the other hand, I don't have much sympathy for lonely Japanese women who wouldn't ask anyone out for a date, and wouldn't be interested in being approached by a stranger, and even if they were introduced by someone, would first ask about the guy's salary.

    So there's lots of lonely people out there, but they don't have to be.

  • -2

    genjuro

    @tedeibea Sorry to hear that. That sounds really rough. Hang in there.

    This kind of situation makes one consider the strong influence of J-society and culture, i.e. being in the environment (Japan) is conducive to making one (Japanese person) conform to societal norms and expectations. Obviously there are other factors but in general the nail doesn't remain standing up for long. So I wonder if you instead take the J-wife out of this system and back to the states (or home country) and started a family there or moved back after years in Japan, how different would things turn out? Anyone has this kind of experience with their J-spouse?

  • 1

    DS

    Wow, terrible story Tedei.... I'm in my 20th year of marriage and things are much much better. I think if you can actually communicate well (in either language) it helps a lot. We lived half our married life back home, and half here. Also have a teenager, but that's where the similarity ends. The in-laws stay out of our lives, we have date nights at least twice a month, etc. It takes a lot of work ,but the rewards are greater.

  • 0

    jforce

    What gets me is how immature a lot of people are in their 20s and 30s. Still playing with toys, or carrying around trinkets that remind them of being a kid. There's nothing wrong with being silly or having a hobby, but a lot of these tweens and threens are so selfish and out of touch with their surroundings its a wonder they can find jobs let alone a partner. Not to mention, the reliance on social networking has completely skewed their view of relationships. I'm surprised anyone can get together.

  • 0

    Matthew Stennett

    No WONDER it's so EASY for me to find a GirlFriend in Japan! See you at Narita in January.

  • 1

    The Munya Times

    As a general rule, most Japanese have an extremely low sex drive. Among of the lowest in the world. It plummets even further after marriage and children. However, I think it's just genetic.

    That's very hard to tell how much genetic it is at all. Methink the low sex drive and their rigid association and partnership might have deeper roots and are just the symptoms of something more serious, deep spiritual darkness.

    I am very interested in the ancient values of the far east and Japan, that unhappily seem to be lost in their modern society, but even today I noticed that they have a strange and strong affinity toward nonexistence and I found that the Japanese relate somewhat very specifically to death, quite different of how we do.

    I guess if we want to understand them better we should dig much deeper. These are just symptoms. Japanese are silent, they never tell anything. Not even God knows what's going on in their secretive mind and lonely hearts. Me can see the surface, that's what my first post was about, as for the rest if they don't want to open their mind and heart, there's no way I would ever venture to descend to a dark, cold cavern. That's their life, they will make up thier mind which way to go and I respect their choices whichever direction it is.

  • -9

    LoveNot

    As a general rule, most Japanese have an extremely low sex drive.

    Because Japanese women are not sexy. when Japanese men see foreign women, they are attracted, yes.

  • 3

    Spidapig24

    LoveNot

    Because Japanese women are not sexy. when Japanese men see foreign women, they are attracted, yes.

    Really, l thought it was because Japanese men are mummies boys and all a bit soft. You know a bit too in touch with their feminine side.....

  • 2

    pointofview

    Why do they care if people are single? A good chunk of them might just be having a good time. No strings attached. Flying solo can be a stress free fun filled gig.

  • 0

    tmarie

    Spid, you do know that there are more marriages between j guys and foreigner women, right??

  • 0

    Spidapig24

    tmarie

    Spid, you do know that there are more marriages between j guys and foreigner women, right??

    Yes l do, just out of curiosity what % of these Japanese men marry women from the Philippines, or other developing nations? I would say from what l have read that it would be a large %. And as l said, maybe this has a lot to do with the state of Japanese males. By saying this l am not saying all J males are like this but a very good portion are thats for sure.

  • 0

    BurakuminDes

    No WONDER it's so EASY for me to find a GirlFriend in Japan! See you at Narita in January.

    Good luck to ya, Matthew. That old adage always rings true with the J-ladies - Gaijin Advantage, Guaranteed!

  • -2

    tmarie

    What's your point Spid? Are women from developing nations not good enough? Do you think them count as lesser a person compared to a women from a developed nation? Your racism is showing.

  • 1

    Spidapig24

    tmarie

    What's your point Spid? Are women from developing nations not good enough? Do you think them count as lesser a person compared to a women from a developed nation? Your racism is showing.

    No racism showing there tmarie, just stating the obvious. Am l that far off the mark? Remember l said some not ALL.

  • -7

    tmarie

    What does it matter where they are from? They are foreign women marrying Japanese men so your comments that refer to no one wanting to marry Japanese men because they are mama's boys and feminine is obviously wrong. It seems that more foreign women are keen to marry j guys than foreign men are keen to marry Japanese women.

  • -1

    Tahoochi

    61% of single men aged 18-34 have no girlfriend; 49% of women unattached: survey

    Personally, I don't see what the problem is or why everybody here is trying to identify "the cause". 61% of SINGLE men have no girlfriend.... think about it: what percentage of SINGLE men should have girlfriends then? Maybe a lot of the men surveyed previously had girlfriends but happened to be single at the time of the survey. What percentage of ALL men in Japan are single? Is that number dropping? If over 80% surveyed said they want to eventually get married, then what's the problem? Is it the low birth rate issue? Is that what the article is implying? Maybe the article is poorly written? Lack of a point? Sorry, just speaking my mind...

  • 5

    sf2k

    Somehow the poodle population among women is not even mentioned?

  • 0

    sfjp330

    The major problem in dating and marriage in Japan has always been lack of intimacy. This translates into women not wanting to hold hands or hug or return such gestures when men initiate them. This also means that she doesn’t like to kiss and has little interest in sex. Despite that, sex is sometimes good, but even with the better moments, women's attitude always seems to be that it is something that men do to her rather than something we do together. Women seems to think that men must just adapt. Many Japanese women seems to have a fatalistic attitude, believing that men must accept the way they are. I am convinced that Japanese society has some of the most unhealthy attitudes toward sex and intimacy. I do think that Japanese culture is one of the primary causes, including the notion that change is not possible.

  • -4

    tmarie

    Guessing those 5 thumbs down are foreign men with issues against j guys. If not, why the thumbs down. The comments this poster made were clearly rude towards those from underdeveloped nations.

  • 2

    7777777

    The 12% difference could be explained by the fact that Japanese women are going for older men and that would make sense since the younger men aren`t dating. Maybe it is only when they get a little older and more financially settled do they think of starting a relationship/family.

    Foxie, its a 2 way street, the "otaku men" arent the only problem. The woman that have strong "obaterian" traits are also a problem. It starts young. My son and some other friends who have sons in other school districts talk about the aggressive girls. These girls attack boys physically and verbally. We expect the boys to be much worse than girls but sometimes girls can be much worse than boys, and that too can be just as much of a turn off as "otaku".

  • 2

    Kathy Stefani

    What about Japanese men in their 50s? Are there many single or divorced ones? What are the statistics for them? I have always found them attractive,exotic and mysterious, which to me would make them more interesting. How do they percieve American women?

  • -3

    tmarie

    They LOVE American women - and it seems, foreigner women from all over!

  • 2

    BurakuminDes

    I agree with tmarie. It is true Japanese men love foreign women, especially Chinese and Filipinas, but yes also western ladies - especially blonde ladies with blue eyes. But usually they are just too shy to approach them. Perhaps your best tactic, KathyStefani, is to approach them yourself? I used to work with a British lady who used to approach salarymen at conbinis and izakaya as she had a "thing" for Japanese men too. Dunno if she was too successful long term but she had many flings with them. Win-win.

  • -4

    tmarie

    I don't get the shy thing to be honest. I always has guys approach. Its the signals you send them. Send out "come chat to me" vibes and they will!

  • -3

    TakahiroDomingo

    something is wrong when your priorities place material stuff or social status above love. if you wanna be happy, then all you need is love

  • -1

    Kathy Stefani

    Thanks tmarie, and burak. I was just wondering what percentage of Japanese men, say from 50 to 60 was, single or divorced? Glad to know they like American women. I don't actually know any or am around any. I am in the US.

  • 2

    jojo_in_japan

    My wife and three girl friends .... =)

  • -1

    Pat Fonta

    51% of women are unknowingly dating the same man.

  • 0

    Ryuji Ryu Azama

    I think this is a big problem of Japan. Communication skill is good on the business or work. But they cannot change private mode. They need some friends at work or outside of office. Japanese people are really diligent. Therefore they will tend to work only. Their hobby tend to alone hobby. For example movies, listening music, read a novel etc. They have to open their mind. They have to have another community without work place. Of course work is very busy & killing their private time. But our life cannot be consist only with work. If you want lovers or boyfriends or girlfriends, why don't you open mind? and believe your true mind.

  • 0

    reallyme

    It's all about the money!!! They don't want to split their income anymore and they don't need children into their lives! Most probably the social expectations as a family member are too high for either men or women and the risk of failure and losing everything in a bit of a second it's so real that no one want to take. When a family brakes everyone gets hurt and lose independence and money. That's a scary thing. But that's good news too as they will be less on the country they will have a cleaner one. :)

  • -1

    kibousha

    Why is it a problem ? Why do we put so much pressure for men to have girlfriends ? The society view them as if they're less than humans, losers, if they don't have girlfriends. If they're happy and don't want to have girlfriends, so what ? Why should a woman get married ? So much talk about equality and yet still pressure women to get married, what a bunch of hypocrites.

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