61% of wives say they check call, e-mail histories on husbands' mobile phones

Tuesday 17th November, 08:00 AM JST

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tmarie at 10:34 AM JST - 19th November

For someone who got upset at assuming things about their life, you've made a pretty big assupmtion about my family life.

As for communication and whatnot and why doesn't the man sperak to his wife if he's unhappy, do you think many of these men do not? I'm pretty sure plenty do. Many would like to divorce their wives but if the divorce/custody laws remain the way they are, the only hope they have of seeing their kids is to stay married. Things are not as easy as you make them sound.

Your first post came out and blamed the men, Japanese men, only. I am merely pointing out that Japanese women are also to blame. In fact, gasp, cheating is not just a Japanese thing so not only were you sexist in your post, you were also racist by going on about Japanese men.

Congrats to having two Japanese men offered to buy you rings. Offering and buying are two different things. I don't know, maybe you were cheated on so your a little jaded? No idea but frankly, just put the blame where it belongs - on both parties involved. Cleo made an excellent post/point. People cheat for various reasons - both men and women, regardless of nationality. Might be worth remembering in the future.
kirakira25 at 11:57 AM JST - 19th November

@smithinjapan - is that true about being asked to remove all jewellery at work? Wow, I`ve never heard of that. Do you know the reason why? Is it a safety thing? Or a potential loss/damage thing?

They tried to make me take off my wedding ring when I went into hospital and I refused for the same reasons you gave, so they just put medical tape around it and let me wear it. I havent taken it off since our wedding day and I just couldnt do it.

I agree with flatearther that J men can be dogs, but I agree with tmarie too that the women can be just as bad. My ears burn with some of the things they tell me!

What makes me so sad is that they all seem to think it is "so cute" that my husband and I still share the same bed, even though we have the children. I ask why wouldnt we? and the answer is usually "well, you have the kids now, so why bother?" - Im like, "Is this a trick question???! Maybe because nearly 10- years on my husband is still a total hottie and I can`t sleep without him??!"

It`s sad, but I think there is a lot of loneliness in Japan, and there also seems to be a distinct lack of communication. I have lost count of the number of times I have said to J girlfriends "why are you telling me his? You should be telling your husband!"
tmarie at 04:34 PM JST - 19th November

Kirakira,I agree - lost of lonely people here. The whole idea of marriage is very different to how many of us view it. I can't say which is right or wrong but I am very, very glad that my husband doesn't think me wanting to sleep with him even after the kids are born is strange. He also thinks that many of the things I suggest, while strange to his culture, are a good idea - like not cosleeping.

Men can be dogs. Women can be just as bad - it doesn't matter the culture.

I just get tired of people always assuming that the men here are horrible and the "poor Japanese women" are victims. As Kira said, my ears burn with the crap they tell me - and do! To be honest, after all the crap I've heard from both sides I'm more inclined to pity the men here.

Communication is a huge problem here. Until folks wake up and realise they need to talk about their feelings and problems I doubt that these issues will get better.
cleo at 05:22 PM JST - 19th November

I havent taken it off since our wedding day and I just couldnt do it.

Me too - in fact it won't come off any more. They're going to either bury me with it or chop my finger off.
flatearther at 05:46 PM JST - 19th November

@tmarie- I'm sorry, but DID you grow up in a family where there was infidelity? If you did, I apologize, clearly it didn't affect you, congratulations! However, no offense, but since you started off your first post with criticisms of me, you have no right to act superior now. You made ONE valid point, that I never mentioned cheating women in my first post, which is true. At that point in this thread, everyone else had only written about Japanese women, so I saw no need to vilify them any further. However, if it makes you feel any better, yes, women can and do cheat.

As far as a man cheating on me (yet another dirty little assumption on your part) I would never date anyone capable of that, as I tend to vet my partners pretty carefully. Nor would I date a married man, no matter how sad and unhappy he may be. A marriage is something people should carefully consider before going into it, cheating is not an option, and if you can't trust your partner and feel the need to look through their personal correspondence (email, cellphone, etc.) maybe you need to discuss that with them or get a divorce if it can't work out. BTW, since you're going to make nasty little assumptions about my personal life, FYI, I'm the one who decided against buying a ring, as I'm not ready for marriage right now. Is your curiosity satisfied?
flatearther at 07:41 PM JST - 19th November

BTW- Love how you throw out the racist/sexist card as though it's a valid argument/logical. The study was done in Japan, the study participants were Japanese, the posters railing against Japanese women were railing against...well, Japanese women. Yet I am a racist for talking about Japanese men..... Failing to understand your logic here, care to explain it? Perhaps it's just easier to say these things than back them up. Oh, well, then, that makes sense, please go on to describe me in inflammatory, unfounded terms, then.
tmarie at 07:38 AM JST - 20th November

At least I made a valid point. You have yet to do that.
airrunwesker at 01:13 PM JST - 20th November

61% say they do... 39% lied about it! The sad thing about checking someones phone records, it one may make the 'wrong' conclusion, thereby, falsely accusing someone who values both your feelings and opinion. Guys can be very loyal... and do not underestimate the amount of pain we can feel.
MadokaKato at 04:02 PM JST - 20th November

don't blame the wives, since almost 90% of Japanese husbands cheat on their wives.
flatearther at 06:08 PM JST - 20th November

What was your valid point? All you did was make personal judgements on an anonymous poster. If you think I didn't make a valid point, perhaps you should have read my posts. Looking through yours, you seem to have some deep-seated issues with Japanese women. I apologize if I don't share the same judgmental view of them, as I've met quite a few lovely women here.
What was your valid point?
yourock at 11:54 PM JST - 20th November

why the long posts? I can't be bothered to read 'em. Any actually proof MadokaKato (love the user name btw)? Website, or just because I know so.
GW at 01:32 AM JST - 22nd November

mado

and who wud these 90% be cheating with........or do you think that a large portion of YOUR 90% are either gay or bisexual.........
rei307 at 08:34 PM JST - 22nd November

DarKnghtZ...You're funny! LOL.
Your're not my hushband are you? Seriously, looking through your partner's mails can be like...opening Pandora's box(or maybe not). Your can maybe read too much into nothing and ruin your relationship.
numbskull at 09:03 PM JST - 22nd November

As for communication and whatnot and why doesn't the man sperak to his wife if he's unhappy,

Because she won't like to even talk about the cure, end of story. The average male was never designed to be monogamous for more than two to three years, and every man I ever knew that tried was always irked about that.

My big question is: why can't women learn to move on? If they did that, there would be no need to nose into her man's private cell phone data.
kitzrow at 07:29 PM JST - 23rd November

Hmm? I guess some things still remain taboo to me and the thought of even looking at my wife's mail messages has never crossed my mind. I also have never thought of jumping in front of a train. Not to sound righteous, but shouldn't we have enough trust in our spouse or girlfriend/boyfriend than to look at their mail. It is like wanting to read my sister's diary when I was a child and since I was a child I forgive myself now for even the thought.