The Penn State scandal and our children
Jerry Sandusky is the former Penn State college football coach charged with sexual abuse in a pedophilia scandal that has tarnished one of America’s most revered colleges. If the accusations against Sandusky are true, it’s very disturbing.
Of course, I don’t know what is true in the scandal or who was involved yet. It’s not my job to analyze and to find out all the truth. But, if it’s true that Sandusky found those victims through his charity which was supposed to save unfortunate boys, it’s beyond what I expect from a human being. He took advantage of those vulnerable boys who had no other place to go. He pretended to help them, which was how he got to them: “Come to me. I will help you.” What he didn’t tell them was that “he wanted something in return.”
I think, “Gee, what or how can I teach my children about being nice to others or how to appreciate generosity from others?” As I wrote in my blog, “Generosity isn’t free,” it’s true that generosity can be costly. Should I tell my children not to trust kind adults because we don’t know what to expect? We have to teach our children to stay away from bad adults to start with. Then they will have no one to trust outside their home. But… that may be the truth.
When I was small, I thought all grown-ups had morals and did great and fun things. That’s why I wanted to grow up fast. I thought being young was boring for so many restrictions on things that I couldn’t do “because I was a kid.” When we grow up, we realize the reality of life: there is both a bright side and a dark side and good adults and bad adults.
I grew up in a small town in Nagasaki Prefecture and used to trust everyone. You know how life is in a small town. After I started living in Canada by myself, I learned not to trust others easily. I could have been vulnerable, living in a foreign country all by myself and being far from my family. I got into scary situations a few times.
I hope what I have written by now doesn’t sound too depressing or sad. It’s not my point. When I caution “not to trust others,” I mean that it is better to know that people are different and have different interests.
I am currently reading a book, “Unbowed,” by Wangari Maathai. In the book, she says, “I know my parents occasionally told things to keep me unaware and therefore unafraid. But, parents have to do that sometimes to allow their children to grow up confident and resilient and able to confront challenges later in life.” I agree with her somewhat. My parents were similar; I was sheltered until I left Japan. So, learning that there were some people who take advantage of vulnerable people when I started living in Canada was shocking and it was a wake-up call for me.
At the same time, I don’t want to blind my children from reality. Knowing reality, they can protect themselves physically and emotionally. Of course, it’s too early for my children to learn reality yet and I don’t want them to stop dreaming or using their imagination. I am sure my instinct will tell me when is the right time to start introducing them to some realities.
Again, if the Penn State accusations are true, I feel really sorry for some unfortunate boys who had to learn a dark side of life in an unnecessary way. I hope they will get help that heal their hearts.
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12 Comments
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2
Johannes Weber
Makoto should have read newspapers (like JT) before going to Canada. That would have greatly reduced the surprise. I wonder if she really tries to say that she believes child abuse is a "foreign thing"... People in Japan are not sheltered. But there is a strong believe that Japan is safer than the rest of the world. Such rumours die hard...
2
gogogo
Johannes Weber: Agreed, she the author needs to read up, these are not just western issues. Japan has tones of issues with lollicons in Japan.
-9
ben4short
Makoto, I think you have written a very interesting piece about the tragic situation at Penn State. Nice job.
3
tmarie
It’s not my job to analyze and to find out all the truth.
He took advantage of those vulnerable boys who had no other place to go.
????
Once again, there appears to be us (Japanese is so safe) and them (Canada and gaikoku is dangerous). Perhaps Matoko would like to look into all the abuse going on in Japan from parents, teachers, family friends... and perhaps comments like You know how life is in a small town. After I started living in Canada by myself, I learned not to trust others easily. would stop?
learning that there were some people who take advantage of vulnerable people when I started living in Canada was shocking and it was a wake-up call for me. I wonder if she thinks we can trust everyone here in Japan as foreigners? I mean, no one ever tries to take advantage of "us", right? No one in Japan tries to take advantage of anyone, right?
3
DS
Agreed that people who take advantage of others are everywhere. Japan has its share of subway molesters, pervy teachers, and other creeps. I think the differences are that these crimes are reported/publicized much more freely in 'the west', and that there are more services available to help victims.
The Penn State case is disgusting. According to sworn testimony, Sandusky was caught in a shower room raping a 10 year old child. The person who saw him was a 28 year old, 6 foot 3, 230 pound former football player. His reaction? Turn and walk away. Left the child in that hellish situation. On reflection, the 28 year old decided the best course of action was to.... call his father. Unbelievable. It says a lot about the power of institutions like Penn State, and also about the emasculation of modern day men. Japan has it's "herbivore men", I guess other countries do too.
1
gonemad
Hope you will not repeat the mistakes of your parents...
-7
Piracy
Boy, I feel sorry for Makoto-san here. She wrote a totally unbiased, un-accusatory piece, only to have a bunch of contentious gaijin run in and point fingers at Japan. Pretty typical really.
And its pretty obvious where all this defensiveness comes from. Most of the time we hear about age of consent violating scenarios in Japan, its about teenagers. But oh so many times from these angry finger pointing people's countries, its actual and real children, whether its Penn State, Cathoic priests or pedo rings. It must really sting the superiority complex to know that. And therefore Makoto-san gets a tongue lashing, despite not pointing any fingers herself.
Maybe if some of you calm down, you would realize that she felt safe in her hometown just like most of us from anywhere, because we know the people there. Her experiences in Canada were not really about Canada, but about being outside of her hometown. Could have been Osaka.
If you have something approaching the level of Penn State, Catholic priests, and pedo rings that happened here in Japan, what? And please don't try to pass off manga, downloaded child porn, and 20 somethings in high school uniforms on DVD as being remotely the same thing. Its not. We are talking about one man accused of molesting and raping over a dozen real live boys, one as young as ten.
Yeah, that is not quite meeting the standard either. You guys are going to have to do way, way better than that to justify this attack on the author.
4
tmarie
She wrote a totally unbiased, un-accusatory piece, only to have a bunch of contentious gaijin run in and point fingers at Japan. Pretty typical really. Unbiased? Did you miss the part about Japan being safe and gaikoku being dangerous?
Could have been Osaka. Could have been but SHE wrote about another country as if Japan doesn't have issues. This is why people get their nose out of joint. If you've read her former "work" you'll see this is something she does often.
Japan isn't safe - ask all those girls who get felt up on trains.
0
tomatoflight
What a shame that there could be 100+ cases against Sandusky, what a freak this guy is. Taking advantage of children scars them and then they could do it to children again, domino effect. It's a messed up cause and effect that needs to stop.
0
nigelboy
Give it up tmarie. There is absolutely NOTHING comparable in Japan or probably rest of the world for that matter that can compare with the Penn State sex abuse case. This involves a sick man sodomizing dozens of vulnerable children with the cover up that starts from the institution, the coaches, the University, and possibly the local police force simply because Penn State football is bigger and more important than anything else in that city.
1
Nicky Washida
I would say the catholic church scandals come pretty close Nigelboy, but I take your point.
But just because abuse happens on a smaller scale anywhere else in the world does not make it any less important. Is one child being abused behind closed doors at home any less of an issue than any of the Penn State scandal children? I dont think so.
I kind of feel sorry for Makoto in the Jpn v Gaikoku debate. It certainly comes across as "safety Japan, big bad outside world" but I dont honestly think this is her intention in this case.
She grew up in a small town in the country, and moved to - I am guessing - a big Canadian city. This is simply to do with urban geography. It makes perfect sense to me that she would feel less safe.
I would imagine a UK writer writing about their experiences and feelings having moved from a little village in Somerset out to central Tokyo would be similar.
On the subject of how to protect our children, it IS an issue, trying to balance their innocence with the harsh realities of life. We have approached it on a need to know basis by explaining without any details that 99% of people are good, and only 1% are bad, but you can never tell who the bad ones are - they generally all look the same, so you must be careful of anyone you dont know and be polite, but never go with strangers, never accept sweets from strangers, etc etc etc without checking with us first.
We also practice grabbing and screaming - they enjoy that! Im kind of working on a martial arts training theory that if someone drills enough, a move will become second nature. They practice screaming, shouting, kicking, punching, and drawing attention to themselves. Its a physical non-scary game that I hope they never have to tap into in real life. I tell them to scream and shout "tasukete" and then shout in English too - people tend to stop and notice more when they hear English voices here.
We try to teach them to just be aware of their surroundings and what and who is around them. Thats an ongoing project. And finally we make it very easy and open for them to talk about anything that is bothering them ever, and tell them they should never have to keep a secret from us, especially a secret that makes them feel bad.
As a result, we know exactly who my daughter aged 7 is "in love" with at school at the moment! All of them! To be honest, this approach is causing my husband more trauma than anyone!!!
-2
nigelboy
Save it Nicky. This is exactly about small scale versus BIG scale and why the author feels or any rational individual for that matter evaluates his or her safety in a certain country he or she resides.
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