Women in their 20s want to get married, live in a big apartment and become cute moms.

Sunday 01st February, 06:02 AM JST

A 25-year-old female graduate student at a private Tokyo university. She says girls of her generation follow all the “How to get a man” guides, wear the really girly pink or beige low-cut outfits at dating parties and also try and catch the eye of a guy by doing things like dishing out the food. (Mainichi Daily News)

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Betzee at 10:30 PM JST - 1st February

A 25-year-old female graduate student at a private Tokyo university. She says girls of her generation follow all the “How to get a man” guides, wear the really girly pink or beige low-cut outfits at dating parties and also try and catch the eye of a guy by doing things like dishing out the food.

Ah, yes, I remember hearing the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. There's nothing particularly Japanese about that. And guides on how to land a guy exist in every language I'm sure.

"Cuteness" may be considered a feminine attribute in Japan because it's obtainable. I'm way too tall to be "cute" by anyone's standard, so it's good I didn't have my heart set on that!

The Japanese, in my opinion, seem rather lost because they never went through a social revolution where traditional gender roles were examined which opened the door to stepping outside them, for those who wanted to do so, without being branded a freak.
Betzee at 11:05 PM JST - 1st February

obtainable

Should have been attainable.

Some people are bored by a life at home, and seek stimulation in the working world.

I don't think this is what propelled women who could have stayed home into the workforce. Rather it was the need to create an independent identity from which to draw their sense of self-worth beyond caring for others. Supporting the hubby's career rise was important for the family, but it was his career. And the kids in whom most mothers make significant investment eventually leave home. Now some women were able to derive satisfaction and recognition for themselves through hobbies, but many looked outside.

One of the secrets of dual career marriages with young children is the role of hired help. Japan lacks a pool of guest workers/immigrants who disproportionately fill these jobs in other countries (Filipinas in Hong Kong, Latinas in the US, etc).
cleo at 11:26 PM JST - 1st February

Japan lacks a pool of guest workers/immigrants who disproportionately fill these jobs in other countries

Do people really want to leave the care and upbringing of their children to au pairs? The most important job in the family, and some minimum-wage outsider gets to do it?
Betzee at 01:34 AM JST - 2nd February

Do people really want to leave the care and upbringing of their children to au pairs? The most important job in the family, and some minimum-wage outsider gets to do it?

I had a friend based in Japan for a while who came to Hong Kong where we met up. She was surprised to see so many women in the workforce. I pointed out the invisible ones; the Filipinas ferrying the small ones home on public transportation.

Whether or not they had to work or chose to I don't know. Several of my male colleagues in the USA are counting the days until their youngest kids are in school, enabling their wives to return to paid employment, signalling the end of getting by on a single income will be over.

And of course there's always been criticism of women with young children who take high powered jobs with long hours. There's no one right answer but by not confronting the questions of proper balance in life the Japanese face a bleak demographic future. Too many people have opted out. My Japanese friend here who works in the high tech industry has an older brother and younger sister, neither of whom is married. Needless to say, they have no children.
kirakira25 at 11:51 AM JST - 2nd February

It`s really quite simple - happy Mommy, happy children. I work part-time and my children have been in daycare since they were small. I am REALLY happy with my life and consider myself very fortunate. My kids are wonderful and are growing up balanced and well.

But equally, my sisters whose sole ambition in life is to become a cute Mom and never work, or equally to become a high-powered lawyer, if that makes them happy, who am I to criticise them? I have no problem at all with the cute moms, the working moms, the moms with fabulous nails and the mums (like me) who have to wear gloves to hide their appalling nails - we are all different and the most important thing is for us to be happy with the choices we have made.

The only kind of woman I cant abide is the kind who projects her own choices onto other women and looks down on anyone not like her. So kawaiitenshi and all the others - you go ahead and be cute if you want to. Just please dont look down on the Gap mommies - we are not all blessed with your fabulous Asian skin and hair!
medievaltimes at 01:35 PM JST - 2nd February

It`s really quite simple - happy Mommy, happy children. I work part-time and my children have been in daycare since they were small. I am REALLY happy with my life and consider myself very fortunate. My kids are wonderful and are growing up balanced and well.

It's interesting how there was not one word of mention about the father.
cleo at 01:48 PM JST - 2nd February

become a cute Mom and never work

lol. Spoken like one who leaves the childcare to day care. There is no harder job on this earth than raising small humans. Making them 'happy' isn't all there is to it (though it's a big part of course - and happy with the day care or foreign help is much better than miserable with a Mom chomping at the bit to be 'fulfilling herself' somewhere else.)
kirakira25 at 02:06 PM JST - 2nd February

Im sorry, but I think you know that I am not in any way suggesting that being a Mom is not work! And this is spoken like one who only got 4 hours sleep last night - again - as I have for the last 4 years. All I am suggesting is that every person has different circumstances and pushing your own opinions of what others should do is naiive and unfair...wouldnt you say Cleo??!
cleo at 02:16 PM JST - 2nd February

All I am suggesting is that every person has different circumstances and pushing your own opinions of what others should do is naiive and unfair...wouldnt you say Cleo??!

Indeed I would. Some women choose to work outside the home, others have it forced upon them for financial reasons. I have been extremely lucky in that I have been able to choose to work from home, building my career and always being there when the kids came home from school. When they were little, we managed on a single salary so that I wouldn't have to 'work'. It pushes my buttons, though, when people seem to be suggesting (or stating up front) that a woman who chooses not to leave her children to the hired help is 'only' a Mom and somehow less of a woman.
nisegaijin at 02:25 PM JST - 2nd February

i must be going to wrong dating parties :|
kirakira25 at 02:43 PM JST - 2nd February

I have been a stay at home mom, and I have been a full time working mum, and I have been a mum who puts her kids in daycare and works part-time and is home early to be with them. I can categorically state from my limited experience to date that being a stay at home Mum is by far the most hard work. I would NEVER suggest a stay at home mum is less of a woman and in many cases I admire them! I am ashamed to admit that I was not able to do it! I think society and the culture we grow up in has a lot to do with the choices we end up making and the subsequent issues we then have to deal with as a result of those choices.
Mayuki at 04:14 PM JST - 2nd February

"It pushes my buttons, though, when people seem to be suggesting (or stating up front) that a woman who chooses not to leave her children to the hired help is 'only' a Mom and somehow less of a woman."

I don't think anyone meant that at all. If anything, I understood from timtak and kawaiitenshii's comments that their opinion is that women, particularly Western women, who aren't "cute" or demure or traditionally feminine, or who, horror of horrors, wear jeans or unfashionable clothes, are somehow less of a woman.

And your use of the term "leave her children to the hired help" would suggest that you feel negatively about mothers who work outside the home!
cleo at 05:20 PM JST - 2nd February

your use of the term "leave her children to the hired help" would suggest that you feel negatively about mothers who work outside the home!

When the kiddies are tiny and the mother isn't forced to work for financial reasons - I can't understand why any woman would prefer not to be with her babies. But that's just me. But as I've already said, if a woman is not happy staying at home looking after her kids, both she and the kids will be happier and better off if she sticks with her career, so long as the kids are properly cared for. So there is no need at all for kirakira25 or anyone else to feel 'ashamed' about any choices she may have made. We all do best what we do best.
curiosityband at 04:54 AM JST - 3rd February

I'm a college graduate in my 20's and this is exactly what I want, except I'm American and I'd rather do this in Japan. Good thing I speak the language...Now I just have to find a Japanese guy who will go along with it.
jojo_in_japan at 02:53 PM JST - 3rd February

Curiosityband E-mail me!!! Let's go on a date-o!!! :) >

curiosityband at 04:54 AM JST - 3rd February

I'm a college graduate in my 20's and this is exactly what I want, except I'm American and I'd rather do this in Japan. Good thing I speak the language...Now I just have to find a Japanese guy who will go along with it.