JAPAN NEWS AND DISCUSSION
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- English Instructor (Osaka, Kyoto, Kobe)
- Berlitz Japan, Inc. (ベルリッツ・ジャパン株式会社), Kansai
- Salary: ¥125,000 ~ ¥250,000 / Month
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- FT English Teachers for Kids - Osaka
- Kohgakusha Co., Ltd. （株式会社興学社）, Osaka
- Salary: ¥255,000 ~ ¥275,000 / Month Travel Expenses, Encouragement of Japanese learning*
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- Translator
- ZAIHON, Inc. (日本財務翻訳株式会社), Tokyo
- Salary: ¥6.0M / Year Negotiable
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Betzee
I noticed in my local newspaper the majority of personals are in fact someone looking for a no strings hook-up. That you may be able to find on the internet with a localized search. A "soul mate" is much more unlikely. In fact I've always found people on such a hunt a bit strange; my most memorable boyfriends were the ones I met in the least likely places or, had I received a bio in advance, I would have said, "No way, Jose."
Posted in: Dating in Tokyo is pretty easy—if you’re not looking for a single guy
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Betzee
The internet is great for a lot of things, buying cheap plane tickets and ascertaining the value of real estate, for example. It's not the best place to look for love, however.
Posted in: Dating in Tokyo is pretty easy—if you’re not looking for a single guy
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Betzee
The issue is one of honesty. A man in that situation should be upfront about it and maybe the woman, after being fully apprised of his situation, will decide whatever he has to offer her is better than the whole deal with someone else. But in the absence of full disclosure, you can't make it about "well I've had a harder life than you...."
In my experience, a man who doesn't want to lose a woman will say whatever he has to in order to keep her. This makes it into a matter of "trust but verify." And by that point, the trust is already badly eroded.
Posted in: Dating in Tokyo is pretty easy—if you’re not looking for a single guy
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Betzee
No, they are not. But few women are interested in dating another woman's husband and that's why this information is not usually volunteered.
Posted in: Dating in Tokyo is pretty easy—if you’re not looking for a single guy
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Betzee
I think her mistake was in assuming that, now she's decided she's ready to settle down, finding a suitable mate is just an internet search away. Wonders never cease, it yielded a lot candidates who omitted information that would have torpedoed their chances.
Though she's correct that a low divorce rate doesn't mean everyone's living "happily ever after," her experience would have been the same in any other country.
Posted in: Dating in Tokyo is pretty easy—if you’re not looking for a single guy
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Betzee
Why do you assume they were male? There were a total of 64 involved in the delivery of the octuplets; I wonder if there was enough staff left over to handle all the other babies born that day in this hospital.
Posted in: Make that 14: Octuplet mom already had 6 kids
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Betzee
Men usually come to women, not the other way around (in my experience anyway). And many a married man has seen the prospect of intimacy outside of marriage as enabling him to remain in one lacking it. Though minor children are certainly a consideration, I think the financial implications of divorce cause many to remain in a less than happy home while seeking a little morale boosting on the side. This seems to be what Ms. Weinberg discovered in her cross-cultural effort to find a soul mate. Good luck with that....
Posted in: Dating in Tokyo is pretty easy—if you’re not looking for a single guy
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Betzee
Honey, you should thank you lucky stars you learned about her so early in the game.
Posted in: Dating in Tokyo is pretty easy—if you’re not looking for a single guy
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Betzee
And Hearts and Minds !
I had difficulty sleeping after I saw it.
Posted in: What are some of your favorite feel-good movies?
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Betzee
I had a friend based in Japan for a while who came to Hong Kong where we met up. She was surprised to see so many women in the workforce. I pointed out the invisible ones; the Filipinas ferrying the small ones home on public transportation.
Whether or not they had to work or chose to I don't know. Several of my male colleagues in the USA are counting the days until their youngest kids are in school, enabling their wives to return to paid employment, signalling the end of getting by on a single income will be over.
And of course there's always been criticism of women with young children who take high powered jobs with long hours. There's no one right answer but by not confronting the questions of proper balance in life the Japanese face a bleak demographic future. Too many people have opted out. My Japanese friend here who works in the high tech industry has an older brother and younger sister, neither of whom is married. Needless to say, they have no children.
Posted in: Women in their 20s want to get married, live in a big apartment and become cute moms.
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Betzee
Should have been attainable.
Some people are bored by a life at home, and seek stimulation in the working world.
I don't think this is what propelled women who could have stayed home into the workforce. Rather it was the need to create an independent identity from which to draw their sense of self-worth beyond caring for others. Supporting the hubby's career rise was important for the family, but it was his career. And the kids in whom most mothers make significant investment eventually leave home. Now some women were able to derive satisfaction and recognition for themselves through hobbies, but many looked outside.
One of the secrets of dual career marriages with young children is the role of hired help. Japan lacks a pool of guest workers/immigrants who disproportionately fill these jobs in other countries (Filipinas in Hong Kong, Latinas in the US, etc).
Posted in: Women in their 20s want to get married, live in a big apartment and become cute moms.
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Betzee
Ah, yes, I remember hearing the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. There's nothing particularly Japanese about that. And guides on how to land a guy exist in every language I'm sure.
"Cuteness" may be considered a feminine attribute in Japan because it's obtainable. I'm way too tall to be "cute" by anyone's standard, so it's good I didn't have my heart set on that!
The Japanese, in my opinion, seem rather lost because they never went through a social revolution where traditional gender roles were examined which opened the door to stepping outside them, for those who wanted to do so, without being branded a freak.
Posted in: Women in their 20s want to get married, live in a big apartment and become cute moms.
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Betzee
I have a 30-something Japanese friend here in California who remained in the USA after getting an advanced degree in computer science. In addition to her job, which is demanding, she dotes on two cats. Most important, she seems happy. She goes home at least once a year; a Japanese citizen with a green card. But I doubt she would move back because she will be made to feel there's something wrong with her for making such choices. The upshot is, Japan's loss is America's gain.
Posted in: Women in their 20s want to get married, live in a big apartment and become cute moms.
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Betzee
I remember seeing Lukas Moodyson's Together right after 9/11 about a Swedish commune in the 1970s. The resolution of the story left me feeling so optimistic in a topsy turvy time. His next film, Lilja 4-Ever, about a Russian teenager who is sex trafficked into Western Europe, well that one belongs on Notginger's Schindler's List.
When I'm seeking reassurance from the silver screen, I often watch propaganda movies because the outcome is never in doubt, the good guys always win.
Posted in: What are some of your favorite feel-good movies?
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Betzee
What a great list! In fact The Killing Fields is a love story between an ambitious reporter who comes to appreciate what friendship means in a different culture after he allows his trusted translator to remain behind.
"Feel good movies" for me are those which take me back to earlier times in my life. The Ice Storm, tons of movies from Taiwan which were made in the 1980s....
Posted in: What are some of your favorite feel-good movies?
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Betzee
While the names would certainly set the kids up for ridicule and worse, I don't think we want to go the "banned names list" route. I think a form of community political correctness forced social services to find something wrong in the home as an excuse to remove the children.
Posted in: Dad who named kids after Nazis decries removal
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Betzee
In developing countries there are very few opportunities for women to support themselves, outside the sex industry, so single women are often assumed to be prostitutes. This means "Joyce" was economically dependent on a man, obligating her in the usual ways. She attempted to procure birth control but a supply shortage meant the dosage was too low to prevent conception.
Posted in: America's abortion debate reaches into African slums
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Betzee
Almost everyone would agree agree 14 is "too many." In fact most would see six as enough for a single mother. But we don't want to make laws based on one case. It remains problematic to say, "well, if you have five children you can receive fertility treatment, but not if you have six."
I hold the doctors responsible for implanting eight embryos. It's clear she did not have conception problems if she'd already given birth to six, including a set of twins. In fact I don't know why she needed to go the implanted embryo route at all, the turkey baster (as it's known in some circles) would have worked fine. All she needed to was go to the sperm bank on the right day....
Posted in: Make that 14: Octuplet mom already had 6 kids
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Betzee
The problem with this approach is that it punishes the kids for the sins of the parent. Once they are here, they are entitled to be treated like everyone else.
Posted in: Make that 14: Octuplet mom already had 6 kids
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Betzee
I think there's a way to do this without giving a means test, setting some arbitrary number of children as "too many," or making an issue of single parent status. Many single people who want children opt to achieve parenthood this way; fully aware they will have to cover all the expenses related to child rearing as a single-income earner.
Rather the number of implanted embryos should be limited to two. In many countries, it's one. Multiple births present medical challenges for the mother and greatly increase the risk of birth defects like cerebral palsy for the children. As the ethicist quoted above observed, "The medical costs can be crushing" and those are going to be defrayed to others in one way or another, such as increased premiums.
Moreover, limiting the number of embryos negates the need for selective fetus reduction if several take.
Posted in: Make that 14: Octuplet mom already had 6 kids