JAPAN NEWS AND DISCUSSION
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- Translator
- ZAIHON, Inc. (日本財務翻訳株式会社), Tokyo
- Salary: ¥6.0M / Year Negotiable
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- Assistant Language Teacher (ALT) in Kanto region
- RCS (RCSコーポレーション), Kanto
- Salary: ¥180,000 ~ ¥250,000 / Month includes performance bonus
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- Assistant Language Teacher - TOKYO - late-March start
- Interac, Tokyo
- Salary: ¥230,000 ~ ¥255,000 / Month
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ambrosia
According to USSN, Major League Soccer Attendance in the U.S. averages 17,000 per game, which would put it just below Brazil in terms of attendance, or 12th overall, Japan being 10th with an average of 19,270 overall.
In terms of participation and according to FIFA, the U.S. has over 18 million official players, the greatest number of any nation. While there are of course, plenty of unofficial players in all countries, I'd still bet that the U.S. beats Japan in terms of participation. I know plenty of young Japanese men who play soccer or played it in school but far, far fewer women. That can partly be chalked up to Japan having nothing like Title IX, which became a U.S. federal law in 1972 and mandated gender equality in sports. I'm not saying sports are completely gender equal in the U.S. but they are far more so than here in Japan where the number of sports for girls and boys is often very unequal and where boys often dominate the playing fields and gyms while girls are relegated to the sidelines. From what I was able to find, over 6 million girls play soccer in the U.S. I couldn't find any definitive figures on the number of girls who play in Japan. Additionally, there are a lot of adult soccer leagues in the U.S. where both men and women play, which again, is less common in Japan.
At the end of the day, the team that deserves to win isn't and shouldn't be determined by the number of people in the country who watch, but the team that plays the best.
And before anyone gets on my case for using the word soccer instead of football, footie, the beautiful game, etc., and tries to use that of evidence of Americans not really knowing or appreciating the game, calm down! Neither do I call it jogo de futebol, match de football, meczu piłki nożnej or Fußballspiel. I call it what it's called in the country of my origin, the name that Brits originally came up with anyway.
Posted in: United States has the trophies, Japan the game
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ambrosia
I'm seriously suggesting he "get snipped" because he's already got four kids who he's considering abandoning. If that'll stop him from bringing a third into a dire situation and possibly abandoning that one too then yes, that's exactly what I'm suggesting, though not for the reason you stated.
Posted in: NEET spouse in the house not such a neat arrangement
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ambrosia
Neither do you know the full situation but you were quite quick to call her a princess. As for him "working his guts out", bit melodramatic, no? I've done his work. It's hard but hardly gut-wrenching. The kids were made by the two of them but again, he's the one posting on this site and saying things, that to many of the other readers, suggest his wife is ill and has been since the birth of the first child. If he were in the least bit aware of his wife's condition and sympathetic to it he would have worn a condom, gotten a vasectomy, done whatever it took to make sure she wasn't going to be burdened with more of his children. So, yes, I do blame him for that.
I don't expect a working father to do all of the housework, but I certainly do expect a fair contribution. Working fathers get days off, holidays and eventually retire. Working moms don't. Most every working mom I know cooks and cleans 7 days a week. If you want to talk about choice, to a large degree men who stay in the office 16 hours a day do so because they choose to. They choose to because their egos won't allow them to be spoken of badly by their co-workers. They choose to because they want that promotion. They choose to in spite of the fact that it means they'll miss most of their children's lives and will leave their wives at home to do most everything. The men I've admired are the ones who've had the nerve to put their egos aside and to say no to the ridiculous hours at work and afterwards at the bars. They know their careers may stall but they're okay with that because their families are more important to them.
But as for this family, of the man who posted, we're not talking about a normal situation. We're talking about a woman who more likely than not has some problems and a husband who is looking to leave her and his four kids. It's pretty understandable why many of the posters are jumping down his back.
I never said you were dumb so I don't know where that paranoia is coming from. I do however think you have some issues with women and can be quite patronizing yourself. Those are your problems though and you're clearly not going to cut this woman any slack. All I can say is good luck to this poor family because they're going to need it. Each and every one of them. I hope the man who posted is reading this because it might give him some insight into the situation and a way of looking at it which he hadn't considered. If he is reading it, finally, I'd suggest calling the Tokyo English Life Line at 03-5774-0992. They can probably offer some unbiased advice.
Posted in: NEET spouse in the house not such a neat arrangement
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ambrosia
You called her a spoiled princess. That isn't exactly what one would call someone for whom they're professing to have sympathy. You also said that mothers should be blamed for Japanese men's inability to do any housework. That's interesting. And at what point does an adult become responsible for himself or herself learning how to do things around the house? In our house, our mom and dad showed us how to do housework. There was no assumption that teaching my brothers and sisters or me, was my mom's job. So Japanese fathers have no role in teaching their kids how to do housework?
Posted in: NEET spouse in the house not such a neat arrangement
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ambrosia
Where did I say I don't have sympathy for him? I acknowledged that he's in a bad situation, that university work is hard and that I wouldn't want to go home to a filthy house. I am sympathetic to his situation but it is largely of his own making, assuming the kids are his and he can certainly do housework if he is so bothered by what she's not doing. If you, before you even have a child, think that you'd go insane staying home alone all day with a baby, imagine having four of them. I've noticed that you're always quick to bash women, particularly Japanese women and while you may have your reasons, I think you assume you know more about the system here than you really do. Most Japanese aren't even aware of the extent that the system controls the status quo, that being women staying home and men working. Perhaps consider reading the book I recommended, reading it with an open mind.
Posted in: NEET spouse in the house not such a neat arrangement
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ambrosia
But his wife working outside the house is not the concern of the guy who wrote in. The concern is how to deal with a wife and mother of four young children who, other posters agree, is most likely mentally ill. Everyone gets that you have issues with Japanese women. You've stated them plenty of times. I wouldn't even disagree with you on many of those issues. If you're so insistent though on having the last word on this issue though, would it kill you for it to be somewhat sympathetic to a woman who is clearly going through some kind of hell?
Posted in: NEET spouse in the house not such a neat arrangement
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ambrosia
When one of a couple complains that their spouse changed after marriage, my feeling is that 1) Grow up and deal with it! People change. It's a constant part of life and thank goodness or we'd all be acting like 5, 10, 15... year olds. The complaining spouse probably changed too but doesn't see it, just like you still see the young you, most days, when you look in the mirror. 2) People who are lazy, slobs, sots, scounderals, ...fill in the blank... were probably that way when you married them but you willfully didn't see it for whatever reason, a fat wallet, nice ass, prestigious family, you name it. People change and then they don't. It's the great paradox of life.
Posted in: NEET spouse in the house not such a neat arrangement
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ambrosia
She sounds like a princess??? Wow! How do you gt that out of what the guy said? It sounds like a bad situation all around, to be sure, but what it sounds like to me is a woman suffering from some serious PPD. Any logical person would have asked themselves after the first baby if a second was a good idea and yet this couple now has four. Since he's posited himself as the logical, sane one then why in the world didn't he insist on birth control after the first? Sure she could've lied and said she was using something but he'd know if he were wearing a condom or not. Mistakes may happen but four isn't a mistake. As for the house, that sounds like my worst nightmare and he doesn't seem to enjoy it either but again all the mess and hoarding smacks of someone with a mental disorder. If it bothers him that much then he has four options: 1) put up with it, 2) send the kids and the wife to her parents for a few days while he gets the house in order and then keeps it that way, 3) get a maid or 4) leave the wife. University work is hard so no doubt he doesn't want to go home and work more but so what? Welcome to the life of working women the world over. They go to their jobs then come home and deal with the house and kids. Men help to varying degrees but most every poll I've ever read indicates that throughout the world, women carry most of the housework and childcare burden even when they have outside jobs. It's either not a priority to his wife or she's currently incapable of doing it. If he wants it done he'll gave to find a way to make it happen without her. It's unfortunate that he's so happy he'd consider leaving his four kids with her parents. If he does do that I can well imagine four kids who are going to grow up to hate a father who they felt abandoned them to a mentally ill mother or grandparents who will likely soon be elderly. I'm not usually an advocate of staying in miserable marriages but surely he knew the child custody laws before he married her or most certainly learned of them at some point before the fourth one was born. Again, why continue reproducing? Whether she wanted more or not seems irrelevant if she is as ill as he's suggested. I hesitate to say he's selfish and stupid but find it hard to come to any other conclusion.
Posted in: NEET spouse in the house not such a neat arrangement
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ambrosia
tmarie: I understand what you're saying but I'm not saying you should feel sorry for them. They have made choices, as have the men who work 16 hours a day and spend so little time at home that they don't recognize their own children. It's all about choice. But having come of age after others fought that fight for me I can't honestly say what I would've given up or done had times been different. I recommend Race for The Exits to get a real and very detailed idea of how entrenched the system is and how vested it is in keeping things the way they are. It may change your opinions slightly, it may not. Either way, it's a bit academic and dry but a fascinating read.
Posted in: NEET spouse in the house not such a neat arrangement
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ambrosia
While I don't condone laziness and think this story is talking about worst case scenarios, it is worth understanding that the Japanese employment / social system is designed to draw a clear delineation between the sexes or to make a woman choose between having children or having a career. Yes, some women manage to have both but it is usually at the expense of being able to spend any real time with their children. Consider that: j Japan has some of the lowest rates of women in executive, managerial or elected positions. If a man is the head of household and his wife gets a part-time job earning over ¥1 million / year she will have to start paying into the pension system, which she previosly didn't do even though she would be able to collect on it, the family will lose many of their tax deductions as well as family allowances provided by the company. For many those losses outweigh the money the wife will earn. Most daycares close early or if they do have extended hours they're 7 or 8, which is still relatively early if you have a full-time job. Most men don't pick up the kids because they don't get out of work in time. They know that if they left that early they'd never get ahead. The same is true for the majority of working women. There is no punishment for not paying child support or alimony even though a women who tries to re-enter the work force after being a full-time housewife is going to have a rough time making a go of it. Japanese females now out number males in the number of college graduates but they fare worse than most any of their counterparts in developed nations when it comes to wage disparity. If they want to avoid impoverishment in their old age they can set aside rainy day money or stay married for 20 or 25 years, I forget the exact number, before they can collect half of their husband's pension. And remember that many men will get two pensions, the big one-time one from their company and the government one. An ex-wife is only entitled to half of one of those and it's not that difficult for a financially astute man to hide one of them. The reality is that neither the government, which is made up of old men, nor major companies want this system to change. And when it comes right down to it, neither do most Japanese men. The women I do know have basically given up on any expectation that it will and are too overwhelmed with the details of all of it to know where to start. It's easy, and apparently great fun, to criticize Japanese women for wanting to be stay at home moms and trying to pinch a bit of ¥ aside - just in case - but given the nature of the system here it's really hard to blame them. You have millions of intelligent, college educated women who will never be allowed to utilize their skills to their fullest unless they give up on the idea of having a family. That's not having it made in my book.
Posted in: NEET spouse in the house not such a neat arrangement
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ambrosia
molenir: Japan does allow adoption, by Japanese couples and non-Japanese couples. I know people who've done it and are now living happily with their children. As with all countries, there are restrictions and you may not like all of them but it is wrong to suggest that Japan doesn't allow adoption. If you are interested in adopting, go to your ward office and ask for a list of orphanages and adoption centers. There is no need to explain yourself to them if they start telling you that you can't adopt. They are not the ones who decide. All you need is the information to get things rolling. Good luck if that's what your after. By all means though, please don't spread misinformation as it may cause people, who would have otherwise considered it, to give up on the idea of adopting from Japan.
Good luck to this baby as well as his mother and father. 16 is awfully young to be a parent and the boy did the right thing by putting the baby where someone was bound to find him and then calling the police. People should be able to move on from mistakes and I hope all parties involved in this can do just that.
Posted in: 16-year-old youth arrested for abandoning 2-day-old daughter
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ambrosia
The_odeman: I think most big races nowadays outfit the runners with some kind of gps chip so that your time starts when you actually cross the starting line, not when the gun goes off. Also, top class runners are usually given starting positions near the front.
Posted in: Full speed ahead
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ambrosia
If you think a kid is too young to understand reason then what's the point in spanking him except to instill some sort of Pavlovian fear response. I know plenty of kids who've never been spanked but still manage to be great kids. Time-outs, taking away favorite toys, not going on planned outings, removing the child from the situation, removing offending objects (scissors, knives, etc.) from the child, regular naps, lots of love and affection, appropriate attention paid at appropriate times, not encouraging behavior that you logically know is going to irritate you after three or four repeats just because it was cute or funny once, treating siblings fairly / equally, not rewarding attention-seeking behavior or giving in because that's the easiest thing to do and finally, letting them know when they've done something right or a good job. I hope I've offered enough alternatives to spankings and I hope you'll try them. Like other posters here, I was spanked by my short-tempered father and all it did was create a bad relationship based on fear that took years to repair. I respected and obeyed my mom, who never hit me, and we have a wonderful relationship. Coincidence perhaps but I tend to think it's causal.
Posted in: If you saw an adult hitting or roughly handling a child in public, would you intervene or just mind your business and assume it was a parent disciplining his/her child?
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ambrosia
Patrick: I understand what you're saying and understand the difficulty in trying to do the right thing, which you did do so if something further happens to that poor girl it will not be your fault. Still, that girl is not necessarily the same child who might need help in the future and the police who didn't help are not the same ones you may have to deal with in the future. Most everyone I know has a cell phone and most of them have cameras with video functions. Those are great ways not only to record evidence that could help the police understand what happened but also to let an abusive parent know that they are being watched. There is no perfect way to deal with this type of situation but it's hard to imagine anyone with a conscience or modicum of compassion just walking away if they thought what they were witnessing were really abuse.
Posted in: If you saw an adult hitting or roughly handling a child in public, would you intervene or just mind your business and assume it was a parent disciplining his/her child?
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ambrosia
Posted in: If you saw an adult hitting or roughly handling a child in public, would you intervene or just mind your business and assume it was a parent disciplining his/her child?
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ambrosia
EbiChi at 02:54 PM JST - 26th January "You have no business interfering and will more than likely get yourself in hot water with all parties."
At what point does minding ones own business make one complicent in an illegal and immoral act? To paraphrase a famous quote: All it takes for evil to be allowed to happen is for good men to do nothing.
Posted in: If you saw an adult hitting or roughly handling a child in public, would you intervene or just mind your business and assume it was a parent disciplining his/her child?
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ambrosia
Just because you've never seen it certainly doesn't mean it doesn't happen. I've seen it at least once and most everyone I know has witnessed it as well. Child abuse is an issue in many countries and Japan far from immune to that particular social ill. I always find it amazing when people say they don't see things that so many other people do see. Different levels of attentiveness to what's going on around you, I guess.
Japanese child abuse at record high, police data shows August 5th, 2010 BBC news Asia Pacific
Posted in: If you saw an adult hitting or roughly handling a child in public, would you intervene or just mind your business and assume it was a parent disciplining his/her child?
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ambrosia
I've once seen what I thought constituted abuse and I did intervene. It stopped the abuse in the short-term but I doubt did anything in the long-term. At that time, my Japanese wasn't good enough to express any sympathy with the mother for being exhausted, put out by the child's bad behavior, etc., which is what I've read you should do rather than attack the parent who will probably stop but remain angry and take it out on the child again later at home. Most parents seem to be doing fine from what I can see. Of course you have the extremes, the parents who ignore their children and those who are constantly nagging and harping on the kids for every single thing. Pity the children with parents like those.
As for letting the kid sit while mom or dad stands, I'd like to suggest that it is not always or even usually simple over-indulgance on the part of the parent. In the past I made my nephew sit even when he didn't want to and even when it meant I stood. He wasn't very tall and couldn't reach the handles. Because of this he'd get shoved about a great deal when people got on and off the trains. He was knocked over once and had his hand stepped on. That was the last time I let him stand until he grew tall enough to reach the straps. It was easier for me to keep my eye on him when he was sitting because he wasn't getting carried along with the crowd or simply not paying attention and trying to get off at the wrong stop. Now he gives up his seat to me or the elderly, the injured and pregnant woman, like a good gentleman and good person. It seems fairly logical to me and I've never understood why people are so judgmental about this practice.
Posted in: If you saw an adult hitting or roughly handling a child in public, would you intervene or just mind your business and assume it was a parent disciplining his/her child?
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ambrosia
Antonios: I fully agree that a Public Service Announcement or series of them would be a great idea and I fully agree that the police should be enforcing the child-seat law. What's always baffled me about Japan is that in this country, where the majority of people are educated, literate and generally obsessed with "obunai" and "kowai", so many people show little to no common sense and a complete disregard for danger when it comes to the safety of children in automobiles and bicycle safety. I know that you may feel it's a generalization to say such a thing, but I've lived in a few cities and regions of this country and have lived here for quite some time and from place to place I've seen the same dangerous behaviour in cars and on bicycles. I'm not saying that people are bad drivers, bad cyclists yes, drivers not necessarily, but that child safety seems to be of little concern. I'm on the roads every day and have to say, in all honesty, that from what I see, it's a minority of drivers who employ child safety seats correctly or have their children buckle up. Yes, a PSA would definitely be in order. After that maybe they can do one for cyclists!
Posted in: How much attention do you think drivers in Japan pay to child safety seats or making sure their kids wear seat belts when they are in cars?
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ambrosia
Antonios: While I'm sure everyone appreciates what you're trying to say, the issue isn't your driving experience. It's whether or not there's a problem with the safety of children when it comes to cars / drivers / parents in Japan. Regardless of what the situation is like in other countries, one can safely say that there is indeed a problem here. Whether or not children in India, Chile, Botswana, etc. are buckled up properly is going to be completely irrelevant to the Japanese parent who is grieving the loss of their child or the child who is going to grow up in a wheel chair or worse because his or her parent couldn't be bothered to --- follow the Japanese law. If there were a little bit of poison in your country's water would you still drink it because the amount was higher in another country's water supply or would you pay a little extra and go to the trouble of buying - available, safe - water?
Posted in: How much attention do you think drivers in Japan pay to child safety seats or making sure their kids wear seat belts when they are in cars?