Wednesday February 15, 2012

ambrosia's past comments

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    ambrosia

    Reformed: While I'm fairly certain there is rude behavior which bothers you but doesn't do so to me, I'll politely refrain from telling you what should and shouldn't bother you as well as avoid calling you names because of it. The question and these posts are concerning manners so in turn, perhaps you could show some by not calling others names or telling them what rude behavior should and shouldn't bother them.

    Posted in: Do you think children of past generations had better manners than kids today when it comes to gestures like saying "please," "thank you?"

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    ambrosia

    Lovejapan21: Please read the posts again. The irritation is not at the children but at the parents. Getting angry at the kid would be akin to getting angry at a barking dog. A dog is only as dumb as its master, after all.

    Posted in: Do you think children of past generations had better manners than kids today when it comes to gestures like saying "please," "thank you?"

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    ambrosia

    No need to pity me but thank you for your concern. I did not say staring makes me nervous. I said it was too much given how long it went on and while in the presence of the child's mother. I did try to engage the child and that did nothing. My irritation was directed at the mother who was allowing this rude behavior to go on. I was neither gruff nor rude to the kid, quite the contrary so it's a little difficult to understand how certain posters came to the conclusions they did. Staring is rude in the culture I'm from as well as in Japan. It is therefore not in the least bit odd for someone who is aware of manners to feel a bit put off when in the presence of those who show a complete disregard for them. The one point I can agree on is that manners should be shown by and to all, the young to their peers and their elders and elders to their peers and those younger. I also feel that people should be a little less hesitant about - gently - speaking up in the face of rudeness. I think most people are well aware of what's right and wrong but when they do act rudely it's often simply because they know they can get away with it. I'm certainly not saying to get physical, to shout or raise your voice in any way but to politely point out the action and suggest a reasonable alternative.

    Posted in: Do you think children of past generations had better manners than kids today when it comes to gestures like saying "please," "thank you?"

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    ambrosia

    I was in the grocery store checking out with a very full basket today while a mother and her two sons stood next in line. One was a baby and distracted with his chew toy but the other was about 7 or 8. He stared at me the whole time. While that's understandable, given how different I probably look from most people he sees in his daily life, it was just too much. I said Konichiwa and tried to engage him in simple conversation but he wasn't having it. Fair enough. The issue for me though was that his mother saw all this going on and not once did she tell him to say Konichiwa back or to stop staring. I finally told her that she ought to teach her children not to stare as it was rude and she wouldn't like it if someone stared at her like that. She looked at me like I was from Mars for not finding her child to be just so utterly charming that I would think anything of the sort. The mere fact that I had to suggest that staring was rude told me that she was a lost cause. Hopefully the father or grandparents will be more help in teaching her kids some manners because they're not going to learn them from her. Had I, as a child, stared at anyone, and I mean anyone, the way that kid did at me, I'd have gotten a cuff to the back of the head along with an order to apologize to the person I was staring at and a lecture on how you shouldn't be so rude. I don't know if the overall level of manners has changed but if they have, the parents are certainly the main culprits in any disintegration of them.

    Posted in: Do you think children of past generations had better manners than kids today when it comes to gestures like saying "please," "thank you?"

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    ambrosia

    Nothing will cure your cold except time. Things you buy over the counter mask the symptoms so you feel better but they don't cure you. The same with anything the doctor gives you. There is no cure for the common cold so just take what makes you feel better and if this drink does then imbibe. Though I do agree with the idea that making it for yourself is just as easy and probably better all around.

    Posted in: Ginger honey lemon drink

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    ambrosia

    I've never heard of an exchange student getting "preferential treatment" in terms of tuition rates and why should they? They haven't paid taxes, which go to support state universities and colleges and if they're going to private schools they'll have to pay the same high rates as everyone else. As for the U.S. being more expensive than Europe, it completely depends on where in the States and where in Europe you're talking about. Getting the visa may be a pain but certainly not everyone is greeting as rudely by immigration as one poster might like to suggest. My non-American husband goes to the States several times a year, has never been treated rudely and according to him, neither are the majority of the people he's in line with unless they get lippy and exasperate over-worked immigration officials. And my husband is neither white nor of a religious faith that is overly popular right now so you'd think he's be someone who would have problems at immigration. Nice attempt though to try and bash a country to which you've never been. Perhaps nonsense spouted by people who really have no idea what they're talking about is a reason that fewer Japanese want to work or study overseas.

    Article Unavailable

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    ambrosia

    Sorry for the typing errors. IRS should be "it's" and a couple of the us's should be "is"

    Posted in: What are some differences you have observed between waiters and waitresses in restaurants and cafes in Japan and other countries and also the way in which customers treat them?

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    ambrosia

    I'm with Branded on this. It's hard to say the service in Japan is bad but in my opinion it's far from being the best and I'd even hesitate to call it good. IRS true that waiters in Japan are generally polite and I certainly appreciate that but that's about the only really positive thing I can say about them. Once the food us on your table the service is basically done. don't like waiters constantly hassling me either but a polite "thank you, we're good and will call you over if we need anything." usually does the trick in American restaurants. At the very least I expect a waiter to know what dish was ordered by whom, especially at a table of two and for a waiter to ask at least once if you need anything after they've served the food. Taking away the dinner dishes after taking a dessert order would be nice too. You shouldn't have to ask for them to do that. Personally I could care less how sincere the waiter us as long as my needs are met in an efficient manner. The problem as I see it in Japan is that you very often havevone person taking the order and another bringing it out and there's seemingly no communication between the two. I'm finding it particularly amusing how people are defending what some find to be flaws in Japanese restaurant service as part of their culture while at the same time bashing the same in America. If you can defend the shouting and bringing orders out one at a time as "how it's done here" then stop being ridiculous and accept that familiarity and tipping are part if American service. It's kind of hard to be right or wrong on this since it's a matter of opinion and preference. I'm not a big fan of Japanese restaurant service and have lived here long enough and been to enough types of restaurants to have a damn good idea of how I feel about it.

    Posted in: What are some differences you have observed between waiters and waitresses in restaurants and cafes in Japan and other countries and also the way in which customers treat them?

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    ambrosia

    They are neither rules nor laws. They're guidlines. Check the back of your ticket or pass. Does it say anywhere that talking on one's phone is forbidden on the train? People who get so worked up about this are either just plain nuts or ultra-sensitive and should consider alternatives to PUBLIC transportation or invest in a damn pair of earplugs! Can it seriously be any worse than all the megaphones, shouting everytime you enter or leave a shop, sound trucks, hysterical high school kids, and so on and so on ad naseum? At least the guy on the phone was communicating with someone! The day someone takes a gun to the speakers on a rightwing black van will be the day I'll get on board with vigilantism. Until then this is just one obnoxious bully taking his frustrations out on someone he figured he could beat. Keep cheering this kind of hypocricy and one day it'll be you on the recieving end of someone's fist for breaking heaven knows what "rule"

    Posted in: Man punched in face by fellow train commuter over phone manners

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    ambrosia

    Michaelqtodd: Yes she's correct that shouting at one's spouse in public is bad form. I don't think most posters are disagreeing with that. The objection is in pointing out the hypocricy and idiocy of suggesting it's okay to do that in other places but not in Japan. As has been stated numerous times, many Japanese have done the same and should be judged by the same standards. The action is bad because it's not socially acceptable (in any of the five countries I've lived in or the many I've visited), not because of nationality of the person who shouted.

    88naff: I agree that people should be mindful if how their actions effect others, now if you could somehow convey that message to my noisy neighbors, the ladies whose bags poke me in the ribs while we're on trains, the man who spat in the middle of the sidewalk today, etc., etc., etc. Every country has its share of inconsiderate people, Japan included. I guess though that if you're into perpetuating stereotypes then this article does have a certain appeal.

    Horsefella: I've never yelled at my spouse in public nor he at me. In fact we just don't yell at each other full stop. That's not to say we don't get angry but rather that neither of us sees yelling as necessary or productive. So, no it's not a matter of not liking my own behavior in public. It's a matter of not liking people judging others based on where their from or some misguided assumption that a complete stranger represents you. I have to say that only someone who judges others that way assumes that everyone else does too. How sad for such people and their pathetic little lives. Act properly in public because it's generally the right thing to do not because people might otherwise judge you as being a bad representation of your country, gender, race, etc.

    Posted in: Dear Angry Western Guy

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    ambrosia

    This article is ridiculous and offensive on so many levels. 1) The implication that this type of behavior is acceptable outside of Japan is patently ridiculous. That there are people who act this way in Springfield or some other small city doesn't mean it is acceptable. It simply means that there are rude people everywhere, including in Japan. 2) I find the notion that Japanese can't distinguish between a rude foreigner and a plain, old rude person to be bordering on racist. What kind of ignorant Japanese is the writer hanging out with that she thinks they can't understand the difference? I suggest she start hanging out with a different class if people. I personally choose to surround myself with people who judge me as an individual. 3) No one represents me but the politicians I vote for and me. That some may judge you based on the behaviour of others is their problem not yours. That goes for nationalities, colors, genders, etc. If it bothers you so much that "foreigners" may be judged by the bad actions of a few, I tend to think that says more about you than the judges. Get thicker skin or you'll never make it in this world. 4) The sheer hypocricy of singling out one man's behaviour while not knowing the reasons for it or referring to equally or worse behaviour by Japanese has already been covered by some good posts.

    Posted in: Dear Angry Western Guy

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    ambrosia

    If people seriously think that his shirt means he's too out of touch to be prime minister then I'd propose that any woman wearing a tutu anywhere but in ballet class, a flowered jumpsuit or shoes she can't walk in should not be allowed to vote in national elections. The same goes for any guy wearing Aladdin pants, porkpie hats or shoes that refuses to pick up when he walks. All clear indicators that said people are too out of touch with reality to make decisions that effect others when they can't see how heinous they look.

    Posted in: Hatoyama's style

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    ambrosia

    For those of you condeming him for divorcing her after they moved to the States, may I suggest that you don't know the full story. I had a good friend who did something similar because his Japanese wife had made numerous suicide threats in front of their children. It was clear to all that she had mental health problems but she refused to get help. It became a serious concern as to not only if she'd actually kill herself but if she'd tried to kill the kids as well. It was to the point where the husband was afraid to go to work and leave her with the kids and her family was no help at all. A lawyer here actually recomended that he move the family back to his country, try to get her help there and if she still refused, then go through with a divorce, so that's what he did. It wasn't what he wanted to do but it was probably the only way he was going to ensure that his kids lived to see adulthood and in a stable home. None of us knows what went on in the Savoie house but given what I've seen over the years and knowing how slim his chances were of even getting enforced visitation rights - even with Japanese citizenship- I don't blame him for waiting until they were away from here to divorce. She certainly could have learned the language and made friends, just as those of us who are living outside of our home countries have done.

    Posted in: Dad who tried to take kids from Japan sues Tennessee judge

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    ambrosia

    Interesting cultural stereotyping, but I would think that if you really had a sense of shame you wouldn't be stabbing your acquaintance in the first place.

    Posted in: Woman killed after argument with acquaintance in Ibaraki

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    ambrosia

    It depends on the goals of the students and not just the language abilities of the teachers in question but their cultural understanding as well. I would ask if the teacher knows when and how to use polite English and when it's appropriate to use more casual English, if the teacher knows how to engage in small talk and how to teach students that skill so they don't sound like they're interrogating people when they meet them for the first time and if the teacher knows well enough not to make generally pointless statements such as "Japan has four seasons". Obviously language skills are important but learning a language is also about learning the culture. If a non-native speaker can do those things, then have at it!

    Posted in: Do English teachers at schools have to be native speakers? Can non-native English speakers do just as well or better?

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    ambrosia

    Yumimoto: Are you trying to suggest that Japanese men appreciate women not for their physical appearance but rather for their brains and what they can bring to places such as companies where they might serve a purpose other than being "potted flowers"? Yes, Japanese men sure have "western" men beat on that front. Thanks for the laugh!

    Article Unavailable

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    ambrosia

    I hate the tinny sound that spews out of most iPods about as much as I hate being sat in the same car as a gaggle of loud, hysterical high school girls so I always ride the trains with top notch ear plugs. That way I'm not bothered by any irritating noises and other people can feel free to be noisy. I realize I'm sensitive to noise, perhaps more than most, and perhaps the guy in the storyvis as well. The onus then should be on him to deal with his problem. It is Tokyo after all and it's nearly impossible to get away from irritating noises once you leave your house.

    Posted in: Train shame

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    ambrosia

    Zurcrunium: We lived there for three years and up north for two. I'll agree that the people outside Tokyo are "friendlier" but making friends isn't just a matter of people being friendly, which is often just surface. It's a matter of really opening your heart to someone and I haven't found that to be much different throughout Japan. The same "we are unique" educational indoctrination and limited media ensure a certain uniformity in how people deal with each other throughout the country.

    Posted in: Growing number of men have no close friends

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    ambrosia

    I've lived here for much of my adult life, have good friends, male and female from a wide swath of countries, and I would certainly include my husband who us of a different nationality, color and religion than me, and yet I have a total of two Japanese who I'd call good friends. I know that the subject is male friends but to be perfectly honest I don't find it that easy to make friends with Japanese women either. Not all of course, but an unfortunate majority in my experience are superficial to the extreme, are more interested in my male non-Japanese friends or relations than me, want "western" friends because it's cool or because they did live a few years overseas and claim to be "different", which so many of the Western men here are willingly to incorrectly agree with, they're bitter about their relationships and lives but unwilling to make the changes and sacrifices to get what they claim they want or they just can't be themselves, playing the coy woman with the irritatingly high-pitched voice ad soon as a man enters the room. It took me a long time to accept that of the five countries I've lived in this may be the one where I'd be least likely to make any close friends but now that I've accepted it I'm fine with it. My husband, who is one of the warmest, friendliest people I know, feels the same and has no close Japanese friends. It is a bit sad but it's not as if we haven't tried or are people who otherwise have trouble making friends.

    Posted in: Growing number of men have no close friends

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    ambrosia

    Sorry, her dad....

    Posted in: Rie Miyazawa to narrate Japanese version of 'Oceans'

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