Charges filed against man for punching schoolboy during class

Nice going Dad, now I'll get bullied more because you're in jail for punching out a kid. Stupid

Interesting that the dad only "believed" his daughter was being bullied, yet the police are so sure that the bullying happened that they are able to declare that the kid who was punched was not involved in it.

what the hell is wrong with the oyajis these days???? kicking and punching young people. isn`t that what bullying is? picking on someone who is weaker? (just assuming since it is just a boy). that really says something about the manhood of these insecure men.

The man is believed to have punched the boy in the face six times, causing minor injuries

Must have been a small, toothpick type, weakling dad.

...teacher was lucky, feel sorry for little boy who was punched SIX times and suffered MINOR injuries (only).

Not to justify the bullying, but the reason for it just might have been genetic!

The guy was trying to protect his daughter. I can understand him being indignant.

In English "I don't remember anything about it' means that you acknowledge that an 'it' exists.

If there truly had been no bullying, the answer would have been "I don't know what you're talking about"

Perhaps it's a translation issue. But if you ask someone, "Why did you hit my daughter?" and they answer "I don't remember anything about it" means that in fact they do acknowledge an accident in their mind, but they're hiding the truth about it.

There is this statement at the end, "the victim was not directly involved in the bullying". That strongly implies that the boy might have been involved indirectly, so that would confirm the bullying itself.

Nobody did anything to protect the daughter, so the dad decided to do the protecting. Too strong? Certainly, but I wonder why nobody did anything to help the daughter. This is still in the elementary school!

An adult should never harm a child. Since charges were filed by the parents, this will be a police case now.

Well we all know how ineffective the schools and head teachers are regarding bullying. The father seems to know too. Maybe - just maybe - his action has stopped another child suicide from happening, because the girl could see that someone was prepared to stick up for her.

Schools have to get their acts together, but this sends a message that the family will not stand idly by while their kid is bullied. (Lots of assumptions here due to lack of detail in the article, but I would guess he already had the name of the people involved and singled them out in the class.)

According to the vernacular press the father said he wanted to tell the class what it feels like to be bullied. He asked several kids what they had said to his daughter (so it sounds like it was verbal, not physical bullying), and the boy replied おぼえていない(I don't remember).

It's easy to understand why the father was upset, but there's no excuse for punching a child in the face.

How do we know the school had done nothing about it? Not all elementary schools are useless in that regard. My daughters school is fantastic when it comes to bullying - more on the ball than I think her school in the UK was. I can totally understand the father being angry - have been there and would be the same - but you dont march into an elementary school as a grown adult and punch out a kid SIX TIMES. That is more childish than the children.

If you really want to make your opinions known by all means march into the class and say something IF you have repeatedly tried to get the teachers to do something and failed, but hitting a child - sorry but I agree with sillygirl - this says a lot about this guys "manhood", "adulthood", everything really.

I'm not condoning physical violence, but If I had to punch somebody, it'd be the teacher or teachers. They should pay more attention to the students. I work in a junior high school and I know first hand that the teachers don't discipline the kids for any kind of bad behavior. I don't allow it. The teachers look at me and say "hey thank you". Basically they're saying " hey thank you for having the nails I don't have to say something about it".

Teachers walk out of the classrooms and leave the kids on their own all the time.

Teachers should be punched.

Nicky, I'd say it's not important whether the school did "nothing" or "something." Whatever they might have had done was certainly not enough to stop the bullying of the girl.

There have been so many cases when a kid commits suicide because of bullying, and the school is or just pretends to be clueless.

Given the rotten Japanese school system, I would do the same to protect my child. Only I won't do it in class, I'll just catch the kid outside,watch that there'll be no witnesses and afterwards will deny everything.

Too many men in their 50's with elementary aged kids in this country. I go to my kid's school events and I'm not sure if I'm talking with the parents or the grandparents of their classmates.

So, was this guy allowed in by school authorities, or did he simply roll open the five foot high gate over so he could get through? Either way, the school takes part of the blame (though they won't, really). And while I can see you wanting to 'protect' your daughter from bullying while the school pretends it doesn't happen, you don't punch a young kid, dummy.

Hit the kid 6 times and only minor injuries? may he only slapped the kid?

a good public shaming is often more effective for ending bullies.

Couldn't he think of any other ways to solve the problem? And the teachers should have noticed that she has been bullied first and stopped it. That is one of their jobs. And yes, as sensei258 says, she would get bullied more because he did it. Usually if their parents involve kids' bullying issues, it wouldn't bring a good result.

Charges deserved? Definitely. Extenuating circumstances? Definitely.

There's a lot of things that we can't determine from a newspaper story, like if the boy in question was being a smart-mouthed little trouble-maker who said "I don't remember" with a smirk to be funny, or whether the boy was slightly stupid and just reacted with his standard response to everything the teacher said.

It's easy to understand how an angry father who's (presumably) already complained to the principal and got nowhere and is now standing in a classroom might be pushed over the edge by a smart-mouthed reply from some little trouble-maker, and might read the lack of respect and taunting as "I'm not going to admit anything and I know that the teachers will do nothing, so I'm going to get away with bullying your daughter as much as I like.". Under those circumstances, with the bully taunting me in front of the entire class, and in front of my child too, it would be difficult to back down. This boy might have been stupid, might have thought he was being funny, or might just have been on autopilot, but he should have just kept his mouth shut.

This child abuser needs serious jail time to reflect on his evil actions.

Right, what kind of man punches an elementary schoolboy? Second, what kind of man punches a kid in the face 6 times resulting only in minor injuries? Must be pretty weak, or he could have been restraining himself. He should have choked him out.

With the amount of kids bullied to the piont of suicide and later finding out that the schools did nothing about it...i cant blame the father for doing something...however what he did (violence) is not the right way. Very touchy subject.

A good shake would have scared the living daylight out of the kid, and still kept the dad safe. Punching was the wisest thing to do. Then again, the bully's parent are on their toes now rushing to press charges, had they reprimanded their kid, all this wouldnt have happened. So I blame the weakling parents too

Sorry,' punching wasn't the wisest thing to do' oops! Typo.

@cleo

According to the vernacular press the father said he wanted to tell the class what it feels like to be bullied. He asked several kids what they had said to his daughter (so it sounds like it was verbal, not physical bullying), and the boy replied おぼえていない(I don't remember).

It's easy to understand why the father was upset, but there's no excuse for punching a child in the face.

My sentiments exactly, cleo.

Had the bullied kid being mine, I'd grab the homeroom teacher out of the classroom and have a "private" face to face with her/him(done it before, always successful!). I'm NOT going to lay a finger on a someone else's kid because that's COWARD. I'll direct all my energy to the teacher. That's my own method, it may not work with everyone. But then, hitting a kid won't solve a thing. It's weak, low class to beat a child, especially one that's not yours. I hate bullying, despise bullies to the core, but for some fantastic reason, after threatening/intimidating the homeroom teacher...it just doesn't happen again. Cheers~

I wonder why they bullied such a girl so her father becomes so violent? Or maybe, the father is violent to the girl at home and then she gets bullied at school. I hope he is nice to her at home, so we can empathize with him and view his act as a sincerely loving father who hates bully-boys. I do not like them. But why so violent? Maybe he is violent person who also scares the daughter. Maybe he is unemployed and is really frustarted and hates boys.

As an ALT I see this all to often in school many teacher are over work to see the bulling. Plus that was how it was when they were in school. This father followed the rules talked to school watched the class and still she was bullied to where she stopped going school. The father was at the end of his rope and he did not want come home one and see her hang from one. Punch is wrong slapping a few times and one punch at the end six who know for I am sure no one counted. NO he should have done it that was not right. But you as a dad watch, love and protect you send that joy of your life to school and hope the teachers can at least protect them some. Sad truth is they can't to busy working late night seven days a week for must things that have nothing to do with with class. Better question what would you do in the months that lead up to this? I just hope it all comes to light start to finish.

Shouldn't

No one can accuse this father of apathy. Depending on how badly his daughter was bullied, I can't say I totally disagree with the father's actions. Some kids are just bad and can't be reasoned with or put in "time out".

I'm going to play devil's advocate here, but I imagine the father knew exactly who was causing the problem and decided that the problem was going to end. And I dont think that his daughter is going to get hassled too much anymore.

Most of us get up on our high-horses and accuse Japanese fathers of not doing enough for their children and while I dont condone violence against anyone, you have to say that this father wasnt going to stand idly by and see his daughter end up like so many others have.

Fathers grief, the real victim here is the little girl who's school wasn't protecting her from the bullies.

宜しくお願いしますdoesn't work anymore, now you have to become the child-protecting MONSTER PARENT so you can see some action taken. It's really frustrating to know that if I don't fight for my children's safety and well being at school, the school staff won't care nor try anything to discipline bullies. How shameful and disappointing. I feel terrible for all those poor little souls that committed suicide just because no one would help them.

Bullying has to be one of the hardest things to stop...and I don't know how teachers are expected to eliminate it. Yes, bullying can happen at school and the teachers that see it should try to stop it.I know not all teachers are great at stopping bullying and some even get hurt when they try. In fact, one of my co-workers is in a neck brace for trying to stop a student from running after another one. But teachers cannot watch children 24/7. There is the walk to and from school, the cyber bullying and the weekends. Also, if an authority figure jumps in, often it becomes another reason to pick on their target for being a teachers pet.

The only way to get to the root of it is to teach children from a very young age what is right and wrong and to lead by example. However, that is very unlikely almost everywhere. Even from the comments on here wishing for an eye for an eye shows me that we aren't even likely to be good enough examples.

@BlueWitch

I direct all my energy to the homeroom teacher, making her/his life hell, so miserable that I have witnessed a couple quitting/transferring after dealing with my kind. Because I am the kind that doesn't stop.

Isn't that exactly how bullies behave?

How would you feel if your kid's homeroom teacher committed suicide after one of your visits?

@lucabrasi

The ones that I have to deal with, suicide? How would you feel if you find out your children school teacher made fun of children with learning disabilities and encourage bullying among peers before you intervened? That's how it started for me. Me being a Teacher-bully? then good for me, fine. Better some POS quitting than having to endure my own child's bullying. What would you do? Care to share some of your expertise? Please?

The daughter of a friend of mine was bullied in elementary school. After speaking to the teacher and not very much being done, the mother had a word with the ringleader of the bullies. She didn't rant and rave or threaten him or give him what for; instead she took him into her confidence, told him that her daughter wasn't happy because some kids in the class were mean to her and that, as he was a good kid and popular and the other kids would follow his lead, she trusted him to keep an eye on the girl and see that she was OK. She didn't mention that she knew he was the ringleader. The lad, who'd thought the bullying was really just a bit of a lark, and was very chuffed at being picked out to be trusted, became the girl's 'guardian' and stopped the other kids picking on the girl.

Sometimes you need to use headology.

Bullies lack self-esteem. Giving them a bit can make a huge difference. Smacking them in the face simply teaches them that violence is a valid answer to a problem.

Seeing that all kids have self-esteem in the first place would prevent a lot of mindless bullying.

@lucabrasi

Isn't that exactly how bullies behave?

How would you feel if your kid's homeroom teacher committed suicide after one of your visits?

Needed to add something to my previous post. Now let me quote you and ask you this:

How would you feel if your kid commits suicide because you were too confident that your child would solve everything on her/his own? Would you invite the homeroom teacher to the funeral as an act of compassion towards her/him? I'd love to see your answer. please.

Now that is a true 'monster parent'!

@cleo

The daughter of a friend of mine was bullied in elementary school. After speaking to the teacher and not very much being done, the mother had a word with the ringleader of the bullies. She didn't rant and rave or threaten him or give him what for; instead she took him into her confidence, told him that her daughter wasn't happy because some kids in the class were mean to her and that, as he was a good kid and popular and the other kids would follow his lead, she trusted him to keep an eye on the girl and see that she was OK. She didn't mention that she knew he was the ringleader. The lad, who'd thought the bullying was really just a bit of a lark, and was very chuffed at being picked out to be trusted, became the girl's 'guardian' and stopped the other kids picking on the girl.

Sometimes you need to use headology.

Bullies lack self-esteem. Giving them a bit can make a huge difference. Smacking them in the face simply teaches them that violence is a valid answer to a problem.

Seeing that all kids have self-esteem in the first place would prevent a lot of mindless bullying.

Agree with all your points there. very reasonable of course under normal circumstances. However, I've encounter the type of teacher that not only turned a blind eye to extreme bullying but also cheered it up and bullied some of the students as well. I have such a bad luck, Cleo. It seems the last two teachers I had to deal with weren't nearly as good as yours or Nicky's for that matter. I had the trash kind of teacher, the one that you must use everything you can offer so you get rid off the problem. They thought I was just another mom smiling and saying my kodomo dakara shouganaine. I turned out to be different. They better quit or get transferred if they can't do their job properly. It's inexcusable to target certain children so the others can bully them as these two teachers I had did. Sorry for my very harsh methods but they prove effective at the end. I haven't deal with bullying in a very very long time. In certain extreme cases like mine, some people need to hold their ground, just like I did.

@Disillusioned

Now that is a true 'monster parent'!

LOL!!! that is indeed the wrong type of monster parent, using physical violence towards a child? No thank you!!

@Nicky As far as bullying goes...the truth is.....they don't do anything about it. Teachers in Japan have pretty had their "gonads" removed. No nails, no teeth and you had better not raise your voice. They are powerless against their kids.

Teachers have to beg for silence in the classroom. Disruptions impede lessons which in turn slow down progress to complete the syllabus.

I'm surprised the school didn't use that long Y shaped assault pole that was issued by the government a few years back. They have them at most Japanese schools to pin intruders.

This guy definitely attacked the wrong person though. He really shouldn't have to attack anyone BUT....IF.....you just can't hold all that in and you really have to let it out on someone.......then go for the man at the top.

It's cowardly to attack a child, go after his daddy. Don't think for a second that the school bully isn't encouraged by his parents. Some kids bully to get an emotional reaction from their own parents. So go find the kids daddy, not the child.

cleoDec. 14, 2011 - 12:25PM JST Sometimes you need to use headology. Bullies lack self-esteem. Giving them a bit can make a huge difference. Smacking them in the face simply teaches them that violence is a valid answer to a problem.

... and depending on the psychology of the individual you may just have placed a habitual abuser in a position where he feels he was parental consent to assume a position of power and authority over an already vulnerable child. ... simply genius.

Just saying that this can be a lot more complex than a little "headology", and that fools run where angels tread with extreme caution.

Frungy - I agree it may not be the solution in all cases, but in this particular case it worked wonderfully.

@Nicky As far as bullying goes...the truth is.....they don't do anything about it. Teachers in Japan have pretty had their "gonads" removed. No nails, no teeth and you had better not raise your voice. They are powerless against their kids.

A few points. Not all teachers "do nothing". There are plenty that do. The problem is that monster parents have too much power and teachers have none. You can't remove a kid from class. You can't keep them after school. You can't... I could keep listing things that teachers are not allowed to do because of munkasho rules.

What ever happened to parents talking to other parents about these things rather than expecting the schools to do everything?

The teachers are working their butts off and get very little back. I would NEVER go back to teaching JHS/HS here because of the parents and lack of support the teachers get from the school. Students are customers and get treated as such. Teacher know this and therefore, when can, take the easy way out. Battles with monster parents are epic with the teacher becoming stressed and sick. The school with side with the parents and little Taro gets his way. The bullied kid AND the teacher suffer.

He shouldn't have hit the kid but I can understand his anger.

The school is more to blame for even allowing the guy into the classroom. The schools here have been "training" (cough-cough-cough) their teachers on how to deal with intrusions by unknown people ever since a guy killed a kid a few years back.

The teachers and school should also bear a LARGE portion of the blame for not protecting the children under their care.

tmarie, on the spot! My daughter's teacher just became sick and eventually replaced. He was not very skilful and was hated from both the bullies and the bullied, but still the way he had to go involving parents and everything was too harsh. The smaller public schools in Japan are pitiful picture...

Agree that the school is at fault here, and while we're on it let's blame the school board for hiring ill-equipped teachers. For the most part teachers have no life skills or street smarts. The ones I've worked with and met via my kids have (65%) been in only one FT job their whole life. Then, they are stressed with taking on a parental role to our children being put in situations as homeroom teachers for years with the same group. It's the way kids here go through school. As well, the relationships with the kids are far too friendly and as far from as objective as could be. Parents in turn get mad at the teachers for any bad thing that happens (passing the buck of their own irresponsibility onto the them). The parents rely far too much on these automatons. Now this guy that punched the little brat is a coward, yes, and obviously has had enough of the system. His rage was misdirected, and I'm sure the parents of these other little brats are just as ignorant. What to do? Well, start handing the responsibility of raising kids back to the parents. Let teachers be teachers.

For me, I've been labelled a Monster parent for nothing more than asking questions and calling out teachers on their BS. Funny and sad.

The girl was skipping school the second semester because of the bullying. She just started attending school on Oct 17, while her parents (mother or father) were in the back of the classroom watching. On Oct 27, her mother was there too.

http://www.sponichi.co.jp/society/news/2011/12/10/kiji/K20111210002215830.html

Bogva, I watched monster parents pretty much drive teachers from the job - good teachers who care. Thing is, they can't make everyone happy, get very little support...I mean, look at this thread alone. Nearly everyone is blaming the school and the teachers - not the parents of the bullies, not the bullies, not this man... No wonder good teacher quit. They can make more money and have a less stressful when not raising other people's kids.

People also need to learn to divide the school from the teachers. If you guys think the teachers are in agreement with the schools and vice versa, you need to speak to some teachers. The teacher for all we know said no to this man and it was forced on him.

I have had numerous guest speakers in my class over time - would it be my fault if a grown man flips out and attacks? How was this teacher suppose to know this would happen. Do you really think the teacher would agree to this had they known.

Now why don't you think about your kids, your kid's friends and think about teachers having to deal with them, their parents, the school, tests and the lack of support they get from some of you and these people. Don't think the system is working? Why do you home school then?

Well, start handing the responsibility of raising kids back to the parents. Let teachers be teachers.

Well said.

For me, I've been labelled a Monster parent for nothing more than asking questions and calling out teachers on their BS. Funny and sad. After some of your comments, easy to see you have issues with teachers so perhaps you're not as level headed as you think you are when you speak to them.

What's frustrating, tmarie and Yubaru, is that I know a few hard working teachers that discipline and take care of the children as if they were their own, no bullying or extreme disruptions in their classes. Unfortunately I had a couple of sociopaths teaching my elder children before and it was very messed up to the point that I had to become the bully (literally) with the two of them because they would encourage and cheer up bullying. I did what I had to do first. I went to the school principal, nothing, went to the school board of education, nothing. Week after week, I got no answer. My husband got fed up with the school's incompetence and why bullying wasn't deal with. So I took matter into my own hands and started making surprise visits to these culprits. My presence was enough threat and intimidation. I doubt these cowards had the thought of committing suicide. I guess I ruined their little game with the kids. The school wouldn't reprimand them or fire them, so I made sure me and other parents got rid off them for good!!

There are amazing teachers out there, of that I have no doubt, but there are these rotten mentally sick ones that would actually BULLY students they don't like it seems. In all my years on this earth, I've seen everything I think. Anyway, beware of that kind of teacher, its not common, but not rare either. Just watch out.

sillygirl:

" what the hell is wrong with the oyajis these days???? kicking and punching young people. "

This is a different case. It does not sound like one of the random ojisan violence that was in the papers recently, it sounds like a parent who wanted to protect his daughter. Right or wrong cause of action you can debate, but I certainly can understand the motive.

If one of my kids was bullied, I don´t know what I woud do. I would certainly have to restrain myself.

BlueWitch

You've moved the goalposts by talking about teachers actually involved in bullying rather than ignoring it. Of course such a person would richly deserve a thick slice of BlueWitch Ragecake, and I wouldn't blame anyone for flying off the handle in such a confrontation.

But if we're talking about a homeroom teacher who either ignores or is genuinely unaware of bullying then surely a calm, friendly approach would be best. You asked me what I'd do; I'd speak to the teacher, the headteacher and the bullies' parents and ask what WE ALL ought to be doing to keep the classroom a happier place for everyone involved. You can't just blame the teacher And I'd give everyone a box of the excellent cheese manju from the shop round the corner. Nobody wants to do anything but smile and drink tea after a taste of one of them :)

And surely nobody invites people to a funeral. The funeral is announced and people turn up if they feel they should.

Blue, indeed there are some horrible teachers out there - I personally have gotten into "discussions" with a few over their lack on classroom control/management - but the union allows this. The horrible teachers, from my experience, are the older ones who don't want to be teachers anyone but can't do anything else. Sadly, the rest of "us" get tarred and feathered because of them.

Parents here don't seem to speak to parents about problems between the kids. I have no idea how many times I suggested having BOTH/ALL parents and kids called in and sit down for meetings. Nope. The school wouldn't let me nor any other teacher do it. Would solve so many issues. Thing is too, bullies are bullied - usually at home - so you can imagine some of the parents have to deal with.

I won't start in about the cutters, the library kids, the strange ones... who all have parents who insist that their child is normal and fine. Sigh. Teachers should be teaching, not raising kids. Parents shouldn't be calling teachers to have them discipline the kids about smoking on the weekends, fighting with their sister.... but they do. And then when the teacher tries to deal with some issues? Told to mind their own business....

@netninja -

I think from reading other comments here that we have just been really lucky with our schools and teachers so far. I was responding to a comment that "ALL" teachers are bad - that has not been my experience at all so far TBH. My daughters current school in particular has a buddy system, anti-bullying posters, a "safe-room" with counsellors, and regular anti-bullying lessons. I know it works firsthand because recently I mistakenly thought a kid from her school (3rd grader) was picking on my youngest (who is only 2) and called him up on it (this was in our building) telling him not to bully little ones. He was so terribly upset to have been thought of as a bully that he actually sought me out a few days later, not to apologise but to explain his actions and why he thought he wasnt a bully. He was so polite, and even brave to have approached me directly knowing how angry I had been that we ended up having a nice chat and having established what class he was in I called the teacher to compliment him on the child (I didnt know his mother or which room he lived in). The point is - his biggest issue seemed to be being thought of as a "bully" - it really seemed to upset him!

However - I DO understand that there are also useless teachers and/or schools out there, and, less than useless, quite shocking in BlueWitches case. What kind of professional makes fun of a child period, never mind one with learning disabilities, and then encourages others to do the same? Personally, I think I would have followed her lead and done the same thing.

I hope and pray we continue our run of good luck with our teachers. Being the only foreign mum in the classes we have been in so far, I find it really helps at the beginning of each year to meet the teacher, explain a bit about myself and make a point of telling them I am not a "monster" parent, and I see my role education-wise as supplementary to them, and their role in all other areas as supplementary to me, so lets work together as a team to get my daughter through the year safely and happily, yoroshiku onegai shimasu. However, as I said we have had great teachers so far. Dont know how well that would go down with one of BWs sociopaths and if God forbid the time came I would probably step in much more strongly.

Still would never hit another kid though. Mortally embarrass him maybe, but never hit him.

@lucabrasi

BlueWitch

You've moved the goalposts by talking about teachers actually involved in bullying rather than ignoring it. Of course such a person would richly deserve a thick slice of BlueWitch Ragecake, and I wouldn't blame anyone for flying off the handle in such a confrontation.

Indeed, the first time I find out about this ridiculous and shameful behavior by these two, I was in shock. Unbelievable I thought over and over. But they are NOT the majority. They are the exception to the rule. But they don't get fired! I had to make their lives impossible so we could get rid off them. It was exhausting and frustrating to become a bully's bully, gosh!

But if we're talking about a homeroom teacher who either ignores or is genuinely unaware of bullying then surely a calm, friendly approach would be best. You asked me what I'd do; I'd speak to the teacher, the headteacher and the bullies' parents and ask what WE ALL ought to be doing to keep the classroom a happier place for everyone involved. You can't just blame the teacher And I'd give everyone a box of the excellent cheese manju from the shop round the corner. Nobody wants to do anything but smile and drink tea after a taste of one of them :)

Nice suggestion, I usually get involved positively with my children's school staff and other classmate's parents. 95% of the time, we don't have to deal with this bullying situation because we know each other and if something arises, we can talk with each other in a civilized manner. A very different scenario from the above situation.

And surely nobody invites people to a funeral. The funeral is announced and people turn up if they feel they should.

I meant it in a different way, sorry. But I can imagine the whole staff and teacher in question having the nerve to present themselves in a student's funeral. It's amazing how some people lack any shame to even show up. In suicide situations where the school didn't take any action despite the parents pleas I mean.

@BlueWitch

Thanks for clearing that up. You're obviously a very powerful person (in a good way, I mean) :)

Cleo,

Nice post at Dec. 14, 12:25PM.

While I admit that Frungy's "Lord of the Flies" scenario is certainly a possiblity (anything's a possiblity), I agree that bullies, by and large, aren't being mean just for the sake of meaness. There's usually an underlying motivation for just the reason you pointed out -- lack of positive reinforcement somewhere in their lives.

Running into the classroom and terrifying a bunch of kids, then capping it off by attacking one of them is an anger and frustration I can definitely identify with as a parent. I'd be hard pressed to not take matters into my own hands in the absence of an visible steps being taken by the school to protect my child from bullying.

But the adage still holds true that you can catch far more flies with sugar than with vinegar.

@tmarie

Blue, indeed there are some horrible teachers out there - I personally have gotten into "discussions" with a few over their lack on classroom control/management - but the union allows this. The horrible teachers, from my experience, are the older ones who don't want to be teachers anyone but can't do anything else. Sadly, the rest of "us" get tarred and feathered because of them.

Exactly. most of these "mentally incompetent/immature" are there for the paycheck plus benefits, they don't give a rat's ass if the children tear each other apart, literally. They think because they are old, everybody do as they say. they are pathetic and usually get their way until they meet someone like me.

Parents here don't seem to speak to parents about problems between the kids. I have no idea how many times I suggested having BOTH/ALL parents and kids called in and sit down for meetings. Nope. The school wouldn't let me nor any other teacher do it. Would solve so many issues. Thing is too, bullies are bullied - usually at home - so you can imagine some of the parents have to deal with.

HA! There we have something in common..exactly! Bullies are bullied at home. It's a proven fact that the great majority (not everyone!!) of bullies live HELL at home. Parents are scumbags and usually abuse their own children. Bullies are born in such homes, most of the time. But as I said, not the 100% of them. Few bullies as sadistic by nature despite having good parents looking after them, which makes the case even more complex and difficult to handle.

I won't start in about the cutters, the library kids, the strange ones... who all have parents who insist that their child is normal and fine. Sigh. Teachers should be teaching, not raising kids. Parents shouldn't be calling teachers to have them discipline the kids about smoking on the weekends, fighting with their sister.... but they do. And then when the teacher tries to deal with some issues? Told to mind their own business....

And that's exactly what I do, tmarie...I RAISE and EDUCATE my children to be kind and well mannered human beings, gentle and compassionate with others, (they are far from perfect, but they do have a big heart) and the last thing I want is this type of rotten teacher messing with my children's heads. After all my hard work at home, to have this "loser" ruining everything at the classroom? Encouraging bullying? Cheering the bullies? No way!

@lucabrasi

@BlueWitch

Thanks for clearing that up. You're obviously a very powerful person (in a good way, I mean) :)

Forgive me, its my English, it sucks hard..I try to express myself like a native and all I do is ending up confusing everybody with what I really meant in my posts. My apologies.

bullying can lead to suicide, and also to many other behavioral disorders. how do you re-educate a bully, without beating the crap out of him/her, and without scaring the crap out of him/her (which is equivalent to psycho-terror-beating)? just shame the bully publicly? try to make your kids bully-resistant, somehow, maybe it helps.

The boy must share some guilt in this matter. How can you just punch and slap an iniocent person 6 times if they have no guilt?

@Nicky Washida

@netninja -

I think from reading other comments here that we have just been really lucky with our schools and teachers so far. I was responding to a comment that "ALL" teachers are bad - that has not been my experience at all so far TBH. My daughters current school in particular has a buddy system, anti-bullying posters, a "safe-room" with counsellors, and regular anti-bullying lessons. I know it works firsthand because recently I mistakenly thought a kid from her school (3rd grader) was picking on my youngest (who is only 2) and called him up on it (this was in our building) telling him not to bully little ones. He was so terribly upset to have been thought of as a bully that he actually sought me out a few days later, not to apologise but to explain his actions and why he thought he wasnt a bully. He was so polite, and even brave to have approached me directly knowing how angry I had been that we ended up having a nice chat and having established what class he was in I called the teacher to compliment him on the child (I didnt know his mother or which room he lived in). The point is - his biggest issue seemed to be being thought of as a "bully" - it really seemed to upset him!

That little boy is sweet, probably with a very big kind heart. I get really emotional with such good and gentle children. I always tell my children to take care of their friends and that if they have the chance to come play in my house. I have this hobby of baking sweets and cookies and cakes. So when they come here, they leave with their little stomachs full. (^_^)

However - I DO understand that there are also useless teachers and/or schools out there, and, less than useless, quite shocking in BlueWitches case. What kind of professional makes fun of a child period, never mind one with learning disabilities, and then encourages others to do the same? Personally, I think I would have followed her lead and done the same thing.

Me and my husband were thinking to switch schools at first but I thought: "wait a minute, why would I move my children to another school? they are innocent!" So I came up with my own plan of making their life hell, day after day after day, with surprises visits, staring at them with such intimidation and threat. At they end, they couldn't take it anymore and after some time, one quitted, the other one transferred. End of nightmare. Next teachers were fine. Your normal kind. Not the moral police but not a sociopath having fun by mocking the weak and disabled.

I hope and pray we continue our run of good luck with our teachers. Being the only foreign mum in the classes we have been in so far, I find it really helps at the beginning of each year to meet the teacher, explain a bit about myself and make a point of telling them I am not a "monster" parent, and I see my role education-wise as supplementary to them, and their role in all other areas as supplementary to me, so lets work together as a team to get my daughter through the year safely and happily, yoroshiku onegai shimasu. However, as I said we have had great teachers so far. Dont know how well that would go down with one of BWs sociopaths and if God forbid the time came I would probably step in much more strongly.

I thought about grabbing one of them by the neck and pressing hard until the face turns blue, but my husband talked me out of it. the last thing he wanted was to visiting me in jail over defending our children. The best way, is the non-violent way. If you can crush their mentally, you'll get rid off them. It takes time and patience, but never give up like I did. Teacher-bullies are the worst kind, fortunately, they are the lowest percent, but when they happen, don't give in. Do what you have to do. It's your children after all.

Still would never hit another kid though. Mortally embarrass him maybe, but never hit him.

Yes, hitting a child-bully is not worth it, go for the source, the parents.

So I came up with my own plan of making their life hell, day after day after day, with surprises visits, staring at them with such intimidation and threat. At they end, they couldn't take it anymore and after some time, one quitted, the other one transferred. End of nightmare.

So what you're saying is that YOU then became the bully? Sorry Blue, generally I love your posts but this one is frightening. Do you think you made made a good impression on the other teachers? Do you think you set a good example for your kids? There are many, many ways to deal with a teacher you are having issues with but the way you went about it? Ouch. By and large, schools and teachers know which teachers are crap - and they don't like working day to day with them either. However, surprise visits doesn't just affect that teachers, it affects the whole staff and working environment.

Personally, I think kids having a crappy teacher (though certainly not one that bullies the kids) is a good life lesson. We all have to deal with people we don't like/great alone with/agree with in daily life as adults and learning to suck it up as a kid might help make it easier when they become adults and enter the work environment. I also dislike the whole "kids need to be friends with everyone in their class". Again, as adults, we don't have to so why do we have to think that kids do? Being respectful is one thing, friends is another. They need to be taught that - by their parents and then have it reinforced at school. Though if parents don't teach it, good luck to the teachers as they'll have a heck of a time!

@tmarie

So what you're saying is that YOU then became the bully? Sorry Blue, generally I love your posts but this one is frightening. Do you think you made made a good impression on the other teachers? Do you think you set a good example for your kids? There are many, many ways to deal with a teacher you are having issues with but the way you went about it? Ouch. By and large, schools and teachers know which teachers are crap - and they don't like working day to day with them either. However, surprise visits doesn't just affect that teachers, it affects the whole staff and working environment.

It's ok to disagree, tmarie. We are all different and may take different approaches at this kind of situation. I grew tired of seeking help from the school staff, principal even the board of education. Something needed to be done. I have to make clear that I never confronted these "teachers" in question with physical violence or unlawful acts. I just became annoying in showing myself in school, complaining to the principal, other parents complained but no one seemed to cared. If my presence intimidated them and threatened them, good then. They weren't the right kind of teacher you would want around your kids. Like I stated before, these two I dealt with were really the lowest of the low. and my presence over and over made their life miserable. I don't regret it. What I would regret is having a depressed child or worse...a suicidal child!

Personally, I think kids having a crappy teacher (though certainly not one that bullies the kids) is a good life lesson. We all have to deal with people we don't like/great alone with/agree with in daily life as adults and learning to suck it up as a kid might help make it easier when they become adults and enter the work environment. I also dislike the whole "kids need to be friends with everyone in their class". Again, as adults, we don't have to so why do we have to think that kids do? Being respectful is one thing, friends is another. They need to be taught that - by their parents and then have it reinforced at school. Though if parents don't teach it, good luck to the teachers as they'll have a heck of a time!

I tried all diplomatic ways, respectfully and polite. But nothing worked in that school. I'm sorry I had to take matters into my own hands. Not all of us have the good luck to have our kids in good schools. Still, I agree with many of your points. You seem the kind of mom whose children I would love to be friends with my children. Lucky you.

@BlueWitch - if or when I ever get a bad teacher I am going to call you in as a consultant to deal with it!

I have never got to the point where I am banging my head against a wall with the teachers or the system - but if you have reached that point I can certainly understand your frustrations AND your instinctive need to protect your children, especially one having a hard time with learning disabilities.

It is heartbreaking sometimes being a parent - my daughter will often come home with "so and so said this about me"-type stories, and for the most part it is normal 7 year old girl stuff. We talk it through and work it out together. The one time my daughter was "picked on" in front of the teacher (someone called her stupid because she couldnt answer a question) the teacher was on it in seconds pointing out that she speaks fluent English and Japanese and a little French too(!) so who is really being the stupid one here (in the nicest possible way, she is fantastic) - no more problem from then on. Someone else made a comment about her having a "funny face" once and - same teacher - pointed out that she looks slightly different because she is half Japanese and how lucky she is, all the most beautiful models and tarentos are halves - which prompted a class discussion about mixed races and where people "come" from and again - end of problem.

I think we have been really lucky so far - fingers crossed it will continue.

That little boy is sweet, probably with a very big kind heart.

As it turned out yes, you are right. He attacked my son for playing with my bicycle key pretending to open the elevator maintenance panel (he couldnt - I had already checked of course!) Right in front of me he started shouting at him and I got very angry - I felt he was picking on my child and right in front of me! I am the boss of my child - not this 9 year old upstart! My Japanese was not good enough I guess so I accused him of "ijime" because I dont know of a lesser word than that, and told him if he has a problem with my child he speaks to ME, not the child - it was the day efore my sons 2nd birthday so obviously he is still tiny, just a baby really, and I was watching him the whole time.

He seemed really shocked when I used the "ijime" word. Someone asked earlier how to stop bullying - well, I think my daughters school really does have the answer. The "propaganda" put about there is that bullying is like a mental health problem. Bullies need our sympathy and support because they come from bad homes or have mental problems that need help - of course NO child in the school wants that label on them! So this "campaign" combined with the buddy system (a 6th grader watches over a group of 1st and 2nd graders and they can go to them for help and advice on anything), plus the safe-room, and a bunch of teachers who seem to be very well-trained and able to spot trouble a mile away - well, I hope I am not speaking too soon but so far I am very impressed with the whole thing.

I wish they would tighten up school security but thats a separate issue!

We had a situation recently where a child in year 3 was tragically killed. I was wondering how the school would handle it - the next day the whole school got together and the head teacher gave them the basic facts of what had happened (to avoid rumours apparently), followed by a class discussion on the issue where the teacher (she told me later) watched for specific signs of distress or unusual reactions withint the class, followed by a letter home explaining what had happened, how the school had reacted and a contact number for any questions or concerns. Included in that letter was an offer of free counselling from psychologists supplied by the city office for any student or parent that needed it, starting from 2 days after the letter was issued.

Every stereotype I have bought into about the J system has been blown away by our school. But reading other peoples experiences I can see how lucky we are - I WISH this school was the norm.

Ah Blue, no kids for me - not yet anyway! To be honest, teaching teenagers and dealing with parents has scared me off of having them - other factors as well but when you deal with hundreds of teenagers a day... You love them but know having them isn't as easy as some may think. That and I would want to be a good mom and some of the parenting I saw broke my heart so instead of having mine, I try and help the ones whose parents didn't/don't seem to care. Find myself doing the same at the uni level - which is fine by me. Students need an adult to talk to about numerous things. I know if we have kids, I'd want them to have someone to talk to when they don't want to talk to me!

I'm sorry you had such a rough time. I hate hearing stories like yours as it upsets me. I saw too many teachers here ignore things because well, to deal with the kids and the parents sometimes would take hours a days - I'm talking monster parents calling every day for months and phone calls lasting an hour at least when the teacher is trying to tell the parents they are concerned about their kid! Deny, deny, deny! Some just give up - I know they shouldn't but at times I don't blame them!

Nicky, I think outright telling someone they are bullying (using the word ijime) really wakes them up to the behaviour. I flipped out in class a few years (JHS) when I saw bullying going on. Went up one side and down the other with two girls telling them I don't accept bullying in my class. I called in another teacher to take them out (their homeroom teacher) and I never had a problem with them again. They came crying to me at the break about how sorry they were - and I made them apologize to the girl they were horrible to. I think being told outright what they are doing IS bullying makes them see it better. Wish I could say it ended with that but while they were good in front of me, they did continue to bully a few others.

That being said, I tend to think everyone at some point in their life is bullied and bullies. Sadly, part of growing up but there is a limit and sadly, at times here, it goes far beyond the limit. Not just here though. Problem with it everywhere. Human nature I guess.

I visited my kid's school. I asked about the pictures of the kids in the room. The teacher pointed out the classroom bullies. He laughed. Denial rules the world sometimes.

Come on earthlings! You can't kill a baby because you are depressed, you can't kill your husband because you are tired of looking after him, and you can't punch an elementary school kid six time in the face in a classroom because your daughter is getting bullied.

How about talking about stuff?

Talk to the kids involved, talk to the teacher, if that fails talk to the principal. If that fails, tell the principal you will talk to the police or media, and things will happen overnight.

If you go about things the right way most times they can be solved at the lower levels.

It's interesting too that everyone remembers being bullied or their kids being bullied, but not many people remember being the bad guy. Who knows - if you could talk to your old classmates honestly, you might find someone who thought they were on the receiving end of your teasing.

What is an elderly bloke doing anyway as the father of an elementary school kid? Bit old, ne? I hope the monster is locked up - for at least a decade.

Nice going Dad, now I'll get bullied more because you're in jail for punching out a kid. Stupid

Hehe you think? Maybe Uncle and family will come around next even if Daddy is in Jail. If the kid did actually bully his daughter, he got this coming and nicely done Dad. We need more Daddy's like this who will confront and nail billies when their children are not able to defend themselves. Assault on a minor yeah, ohh poor baby but a bully is a bully nonetheless and bully got dished Papa's justice :) peace

Oh and by the way when i was around 13, got bullied by these 3 big boys back in School every single day for weeks. One day i got beaten after school, me dad came to pick me up. Told Dad the story and pointed big bully boys out who were playing ball. Daddy gave them a nice hand facial massage, the rough kind. Was never bullied again! So it worked good for me. Just my own personal experience being bullied.

hmm i don't know but if i ever have a child and they tell me who it is, i'd probably do the same thing >< these bullies remain bullies even as adults so someone should smack some sense into these damn bully people. bunch of idiots -_- don't go near my kid or i'll punish you!

@ SouthSakai - I see where you are coming from. It's cool your dad helped sort things out. But don't you think it may have been better to stand up for yourself? Even if these boys were big brutes, you could have fought dirty, which is what my old man always taught me to do against bulliers. Throw rocks, punch to the throat, eye-gouge, kick to the 'nads, he told me...anything - the point being, dads are not always going to be there to protect you at every moment.

BurakuminDes.

Those dirty fighting techniques MIGHT have worked in our youth and been somewhat accepted. The ages have changed, use them now and YOU are the bully and the guilty party.

Police: "the victim was not directly involved in the bullying"

So he was indirectly involved in the bullying? Maybe after getting slapped around by dad, he'll think twice about getting indirectly involved in any more bullying.

Why are some criticising the age of the father? When you're that age, you'll wish you were "genki" enough to father children like this bloke did (and so did I, for that matter.). If it works, use it. Japanese men are staying healthy longer, men and women are getting married later for financial reasons, and there are more divorces which present circumstances for remarriage to a partner of childbearing age. These explain the phenomenon of 50 year-old men with young children.

tmarie I think you hit the nail on the head there.

As I said before, this kid seemed most concerned with being thought of as a bully, and I saw something in his face change when I started telling him not to bully. He looked shocked.

I dont know a lot about bully psychology, but I wonder if half the time they dont even think of themselves as bullies. Waking them up to the reality of what they are doing may well help to stop it happening again.

Also tmarie i wish there were more teachers like you! I still remember the names of some of the best teachers I ever had. It is true what they say that you never forget a good teacher. My old Junior High Geography teacher is now one of my facebook friends!

@ warnerbro - fair point, did not mean any disrespect. His age should not have come into it. What he did was outrageous in my mind, however.

By The Way - my kids are 3 and 8, and I don't want to go to a jail cell for revenge on bullies. Best to keep within the laws and stay free to raise your kids and helping them in their problem!

remindes me of a bulying incident when I was in high school, a kid I know was continuallly bullied by older students until his older brother (finished high school), a big mean mofo & state boxing champion decided to come to the school during lunch break & have a small conversation with the 3 bullies together, no punches thrown but a lot of finger pointing & some strong promises of what to expect if he heard any complaints from his younger brother. Little brother never got bullied again period!

My son was bullied, he comes home with cuts and bruises in his legs and I'm so mad and I took pictures just in case. I tried to complain to the school about it and actually they deal and take precautions about it...useless.... and then the bullying gets worse and the school have no control when the kids are on their way home. This kid continues to bully my son and I know it I have to take extreme actions so I called this bully's parents and complained that their kid/brat is way out and he needs to stop picking on my son. To my surprise the father came in to our apartment force the kid to say sorry and then smack then kick the kid infront of me and in the end I defended the kid and threatend to call the cops. The irony, but it all ends well... the bullying stopped, but I really felt bad and guilty to that kid. I kinda know how this father feels but you don't smack a kid in the face to just get your point.

I can't imagine ever punching an elementary school kid in the face. It's crazy. Then some of you have the old solutions about sending the big brother along or even the father. That's dumb. In some cases they will send their older brother's, or maybe one Dad will beat the bully, then the bully's Dad might be a black belt.

We need to start using our brains more.

Awe thanks Nicky! I just remember what it was like to be that age and just hating my mother and needing someone to talk to. I had a wonderful math and PE teacher that I still worship the ground they walk on - and do try and think of what they were like and what kind of teacher I would be like! (Must admit, I get a kick out of my students asking to be my friend on facebook!)

For the most part, I don't think kids know they are bullying for the most part - unless it is a gang and they are intent on picking on someone. Kids are humans and 'we" also bully ever as adults. Sadly it is a part of human nature but there is line and when someone crosses it, they need to be told. And clearly told that what they are doing is bullying and is wrong. I only wish I could so the same with some former coworkers and current coworkers.

I won't start in on the kohai/sempai relationships here that I think are built on bullying. I point this out to my uni students and they actually all tend to agree when I start listing the bad things about these types of relationships. When I suggest that perhaps this is why Japan has such an issue with bullying, I swear I can see lightbulbs going off in their heads!!

Monster parents never think themselves monster parents. If you ask yourself, "Am I a monster?", then you are not. They believe they are 100% right and never try to listen to the opposite side. A couple of years ago, at the kindergarten, they were going to play "Momo Taro" at the school play. One boy was chosen to be Momo-Taro, and others were chosen as a monkey, a dog, a bird...etc. Then next day a mother came to school furious, "How come my boy is not Momo-Taro? blah blah..." Other mothers came to complain, too. Eventually, there were 5 Momo-Taros in the play. That's hilarious.

What the hell kind of school lets a parent enter a classroom and interupt a class to make an announcement. That man should only be able to talk to the principle and the instructor. I blame the school for allowing this crazy man to get in the school.

Blue...feel good about the "thumbs-down", folks are reading what you have to say and whether or not they agree at least people are reading what you wrote and hopefully it is making them THINK!

Folks here get too caught up with trying to do things the "Japanese" way that they leave themselves at the entrance of the school.

Schools here and with all there problems need to be shaken up a bit and made to think about how they treat and deal with problems. Time to think outside the box!

Some interesting posts, especially from Cleo. I really like the way your friend handled the bully situation but I have to wonder if she wasn't lucky. Some kids a simply delinquents, through and through and no amount of talking is going to solve the problem.

This may have been the case here. We don't know what the family has already tried prior to the father's flip out to stop the bullying.

As a father myself, I can tell you that my tolerance leash would be very short. I would give the boy a talking to, then I would proceed to giving the bully and the bully's father an ass kicking. I'm not saying it's right, but rage is a hell of a thing to control and when it comes to the lives of your children, well...there by the grace of God go I, let's just put it that way.

Again, in a better world, your friend's method would be the preferred and most effective method. But I grew up on a group home for juvenile delinquents. Some of those kids were so far gone, no amount of self esteem or talking to was going to help. And if those kids bullied your kid. Your only chance of stopping them was to make it too painful for them to pick on your kid so they would pick on someone else's.

I'm not going to judge this father. I haven't walked in his shoes but as a father, I've been close enough to the shoe store to know, it's an uncomfortable walk.